Wednesday, August 31, 2005

The Sniffling, Sneezing, Coughing, Aching, so you can get on with the rest of your day blog.

Okay, I am sick. Sick Sick. I am sick, now we got that out of the way. I woke up yesterday morning sick. Sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching. I was dizzy, and I even think I may have had a a fever. Yup yesterday was not a good day.

I stayed in bed till around 10 AM. Pretty late for me. I took my shower, hoping to feel better. It helped a little. Then I messed around on the computer for awhile. I knew I had to be at work at 5 PM so I decided to take another nap.

When I got to work, I felt like dying. I was dizzy, and people looked at me like I had the plauge. I cant blame them. I felt like i had the plaugue. I knew I needed medicine, so I went to the gas station next door and purchased the only cold medication they had. Nyquil Liquid Caps. Bad idea.

Now, not only did I feel like shit, I felt like shit while I felt like dozing off. I really worried that i was not going to make it through my shift without passing out. I could not accomplish much of anything.

I went right to sleep when I got home. I feel much better today. Not great but I was able to play a little XBOX.

Everyone out there that drinks Mountain Dew, if you dont want the codes to your win an Xbox 360 every 10 min. Send me the codes. I need an xbox 360. Or better yet if you win the xbox send that to me instead. Okay I knew this would not fly, but it was worth a shot.

Well I will blog again, I am going to have to clean my apartment, it is a wreak. I just dont know if I have the energy to do so today.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Let me Take you on a Sea Cruise and prophecy

Well thanks to Kristina, my world has gotten a little worse. Okay not that it was the shining ray of hope to begin with. But know I have not clue what my week is going to be like.

I was scheduled to be off on Wednesday, but thanks to the little hurricane down south. The BBV managers meeting that my bosses and other employees took on a cruise ship has been extended. Kristina wont let them land where they left from,in Mobile, Alabama. We all got an email telling us Sunday to go ahead and make arrangements for schedules on Wednesday. My day off, so i am going to go in a work. The other lady that works there told me that she would split it with me, so its only a 4 hour shift. But i still wanted off that day. So i had Wednesday covered.

I Get a call, this morning at work. We need to adjust the scehdule to accomadate that they may not be back now, all week. Luckily my boss has two stores and was sceduled to work Thursday and Friday at it. So it is not any of my concern. However, Saturday I was supposed to work the day shift. Barbara cant work nights, so I had to switch it around so That I am closing Saturday and opening Sunday.

All because of a hurricane. Last year they rented several houses in Florida, and had the manager meetings. Well they got chased out of town by a hurricane last year. So maybe they should just have the meetings closer to home after this LOL.

I had a weird dream last night. I am not sure what it was about, I am going to research it. I had another end of the world dream.This have been happening since I was about 12. Always its when I am older, and i seem to be a highly resepctable person. People follow me.

Last night I hade one where my ex wife was very pregnant,(she is not pregnant as far as i know, so no one get the wrong idea) i would say about 7 to eight months. I am telling her that she needs to get ready something is coming. I run to the porch of a house, and a little girl waves at me.

She asks me if I am okay. I kneel down and tell her everything is going to be okay. She asks me if i am ready for plan F. I told her i am not sure. She hugs me, and walks back to her parents. I turn around, I seem like i am nervous about something, like nothing is how it should be. I turn around to the street, and I see people marching down the road, to some meeting point. I almost back over something.

Its a package gift wrapped, It has a tag, that says

To:Plan F
From: Ben

Its my friends signature. Inside is a duffel bag with the year 2003 on it, and some symbol of a company. It feels heavy and i dont open it but i just knows whats in there. GUNS.

Who knows what this dream means. I know it was one of my dreams of the end times, because I feel important. Like people are needing me. It weird and they almost make me feel crazy. I use to laugh at them until I met Johnny

Johnny' dad was sick for years. He had died a few times. Having near death experiences a few times. He would see himself watching the end of the world. As a spirit. He said god showed him many things about the coming years. We have no way of telling what was coming,he rarely talked about it. He knew he would be deceased before it came.

I told johnny about a dream i had about where i was leading people into the desert. To save them from something. Saying that God would provide us if they followed me. I guess i was a modern day Mosses.

Johnny told his dad that dream. He said his dad turned pale and told him. When he goes to the desert you have to follow him. Heis supposed to lead people there, I was shown that people would have to go to the desert.

Ever since then the dreams make me uncomfortable. I also think I am crazy. Who knows. I am sure I just weired out half my audience.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Well the morning began with me. I had to run a dvd back to work before the store opened. "a lot Like Love" I thought it was pretty good but i like Ashton Kutcher. I think he is very funny. And what guy who did not think Amanda Peet was hot in her nude scene in the whole nine yards.

I called the bank this morning about my bank card. It turns out some one came through the ATm after me andretrieved the card for me. And turned it in to the bank yeaterday morning. I still feel pretty stupid about the whole ordeal. Thats not like me at all.

I woke up this morning, lets just say I had a very very good dream last night. And we will let it rest at that, use your own imagination.

Getting ready to go pick up Mandi and go out to eat and to the movies. We are going to go see 4 brothers. I have not heard anyone say anthing about it.

I wanted to see the movie Red Eye. The previews made it seem like one of those movies about an evil demon or something. Turns out that its about so assassination atempt and crap. Dont we have enough of those movies. Also Racheal Mcadams is hot. And I loved her in "The Notebook"

Also can not wait to see the movie Serenity. I justed finished up the dvd series Firefly this weekend. I hardly ever watched it when it was on tv. I even love the silly them song.

Take my love. Take my land.
Take me where I cannot stand.
I don't care, I'm still free.
You can't take the sky from me.

Take me out to the black.
Tell 'em I ain't comin' back.
Burn the land And boil the sea.
You can't take the sky from me.

Have no place I can be since I found Serenity.
But you can't take the sky from me.

The movie comes out the 30th of September. I really wish this show had kept going. I never knew what i missing. Skip this part if you dont want to see quotes from the show.

Mal: "Are you offering me a trade?"

Jayne: "A trade!? Hell, it's theft. This is the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy than what you got."

Mal: "What I got? She has a name."

Jayne: "So does this!" (caresses the gun lovingly) "I call it Vera."

Mal: "Well, my days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

Jayne trying to trade his gun for the woman Captain Reynolds accidentaly married.
Mal: "I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful." (he smiles at her, never stopping working) "Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month."
Mal: "I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you." (Zoe punches the thug out) "Drunks are so cute."
Alliance Commander: "You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?"

Zoe: "Fought with a lot of people in the war."

Alliance Commander: "And your husband?"

Zoe: "Fight with him sometimes, too."
Wash: (Off an alarm sounding from the console) "Closing in."

Zoe: "Planet's coming up a mite fast."

Wash: "That's just cause I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all."

Mal: "Well, that happens, let me know."
Harrow: "You have to finish it, lad. You have to finish it. For a man to lay beaten... and yet breathing? It makes him a coward."

Inara: "It's humiliation."

Mal: "Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I'm just a good man. (stabs him again) Well, I'm all right."
Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?

Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps."
Saffron: "I should've killed Durran."

Mal: "Right. The one guy that don't have it coming. The man who knows you and still loves you, treachery and all. Can't have him walking about."

Okay I am sure you dont care but I think they are funny

Friday, August 19, 2005

This may Be It

This may in fact be my last post forever on this blog. I cant do it anymore. Its all a lie. I named this blog divorced and dealing. Thats a lie. I am divorced and i am not dealing. Nothing in my life in the last 5 months has made me happy. Nothing. So i cant go on pretending that my life is perfect... its not.

Things are going on behind the scenes of my life that have affected my emotions, effected who i am. And so to some it up. i bring you one last song lyric. And then i may be signing off from this blog forever. Maybe not but if it continues, I just dont know if I can call it Divorced and Dealing anymore.

So farewell folks, its been fun and interesting but in the end. I still am no closer determining who i am. I have lost my idenity. If anyone neeeds me, you can email me its in the profile.

Bon Jovi
I'll be there for you

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love it's suicide

You say you're cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we're had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you


And I wan't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Taking a small hiatis from Gaming History, and who reads my blog.

I some other things going on behind the scenes. So I have not really put much effort in to my thinking of the next post.

I am supposed to take Mandi to the drive in this weekend, but not sure. I am about broke. I had to buy groceries cause i did not have anything to eat in the house. I was down to cheese and tv dinners, I am a big guy.. tv dinner is not much for someone like me.

So I bought some bread, boneless chicken, about 10 cans of Chief Boyarde pasta. A 12 pack of coke, and vanilla coke. 3 huge cans of spaghtii O's Some french bread, cheese and peperoni for my french bread pizza, and several XXl Burritos. Yeah i know not very healthy but I am also not a cook either. I need to pick up some salad stuff.

The point is i spent $50 on groceries, and was only budgeting for $30. i may be able to squeeze out a date, but I will just have to see. I still have to file bankruptcy very soon. It wont be so tight I just have to get my car licensed. The temp tag expires the 21, and i still dont have the fucking title. Ughhhh.

Okay well I also wanted to say a few things about my loyal followers. I seem to have gathered a few when i gave my address out to my shithead boss who decided to share it with the entire Blockbuster office staff.

So here is a list of who i know reads my blog.

The most important persons are

Evil Petting Zoo: I think if had not discovered my blog early on i would have probably would not have kept writing it. Without him I would not have such a lovely following, I recommend everyone check out his blog, link on the saide.

Audrey: To the hottest little red head I have ever blogmet. She keeps my spirits up even when they are low. She has also been a loyal follower. I hope everything works out best for ya. And PS I think your hotter than your roomate ;)

My ex wife still reads my blog. I can tell when she has been there because of the little Statcounter tells me who has been to my website by there IP address.

Other People Who read my blog.

Luke: My boss, nuff said. I gave him the address because he was asking about my web site. He did not even know what a blog was. Al though he said it was good, and there was some good reading but I really needed to write about the good stuff in my life instead of the ex wife bullshit.

Rick: Mr. BBV Accountant. Sigh! I hate it when i go in the office and he still calls me Captain Snacker, like that is equiveleint to my name of Robert. Its like when the West Virginians call evil petting zoo, big pimpin

Jeff: He owns my company, nicest guy in the world, and I will not say anything bad about him because I dont want to get fired.

People I dont know who they are but read my blog.

Mr or MS. Prescott Arizona... I see your IP address on my blog So who ever you are i noticed you went back and read every single post. Please leave a comment so i know who you are.

Well that is about it. I will chat with you guys later.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Gaming and Life History Part 5

This time i want to talk about an N64 game. A system that i rarely played before. But after Sarah and i had moved in together. She out of the kindness of my heart did something amazing for me. She bought me an N64.

Not only that she bought me like 4 games for it. One of which was Diddy Kong Racing. It was a game sort of like Mario Kart, except you could fly an airplane and ride a hovercraft. We loved this game.

We would literal spend hours playing it on the weekend. It was probably our biggest gaming addiciton, we literal tried to unlock every race, every secret, beat every boss. We eventually got up to the last race and tried forever to finish it. A great accomplishment. I was in gaming heaven with both ofthe new consoles. I never in my life would have thought that I would have both systems.

Then a few weeks later, Sarah became concerned. She was running behind on a few bills, she had run up other credit cards during the time she started her new job. And her bills were not getting paid because she was not selling at her job. We thought we could make it.

She then got a letter saying that she was going to have to go to court unless she paid off the bill. She needed $198. We were young and silly at the time. She thought they were going to send her to jail. We had no way to get the money . So she asked me for a big sacrifice. I pawned off all my ps1 games (Over 40 at the time) The new N64 (and all the games for that) and my ps1

I loved her that much. I sacraficed everything I loved for her. We saved enough from that to go camping that weekend. It was months before I got a PS1 again. In fact i will tell you that story on the next post. When we discuss the game XenoGears.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Gaming and Life History Part Four

Ok, I gave a little sneak peek about what I was discussing in my last post. Breath of Fire 3. If any one out there remembers this game it was an okay RPG. The significance of this game is that my Roomate at the time Johnny, (yes the same Johnny)bought it for my 21st birthday. So its not really the game itself, its what the game reprsents. My 21st B-day.

My 21st birthday was exactly 1 week before Sarah and i had got back together, (The Number 2 has a very weird way of coming up in our relationship) after having plit up for a 2 month period.

I looked because i thought I had told you all the story of one of my bosses at KB toys.Her name was Jenny. She was a skinny red haired, freckle faced girl. She was about 5 ft. and weighted less than a buck o five. She was a few years older than me and had just broken up with her boyfriend.

When she found out it was my 21 st birthday was coming up she invited me out to go drinking the night of my birthday. I told her that I was not sure about that because i do not drink and drive. She then offered for me to staywith her that night. In her bed. I was very intrigued because it was becoming a real flirtaious thing. I was not sure if she meant it as a sexual thing or a joke. I was single, not knowing at the time that Sarah was going to be back in my life in a week.

It got to the point I was looking forward to it. Well my main boss found out about the birthday shin dig and invited himself to go out and drink with us. Still no plans were traded between her and i. I was still staying with her that night.

So me and Johnny decide to go to Best Buy earlier in the day. As soon as I was getting ready to leave Best Buy, I suddenly became real weak and nauseated. Just sick all over. I felt lie I was going to pass out. Johnny and i went back home. Where I began throwing up. I had to call and cancel on her. I was disappointed.

She did end up going out ithout me that night with the Store Manager, and they are married with a child. So I always wondered what would have happened if I had not got sick that day. But then I would not have married who I thought was the greatest woman in the world.

soon after Sarah and i got back together, I moved in with her. I would spend the time off playing Breath of Fire waiting for to get home from her late night hours of seeling a vaccum cleaner like product called the fairfax. She would not get home until like 11:00 at night because she would have to drive out of her way to drop the extras off.

Well I will leave this one a little short, I am in kind of a depressed mood tonight, and i dont want to think about her too much tonight. Everyone have a great night.


Well dinner with Mandi's mom and soon to be step dad did not happen. Not that we did not go out to eat with them. They just bothered not showing up. In fact it was a birthday party for her cousin Dan's Girlfriend Stephaine.

Guess who were the only family who showed up. Mandi. Everyone else that was invited to the suprise birthday party did not show up. Mandi called her mom from my cell phone. Her mother played acted suprised, thats tonight, i thought it was tomorrow.

Mandi told her nope, it was tonight. Her Mother said well they could not make it because they had just washed the cars and she was pooped. Mandi said her mom has always been selfish. Her problems were always more important to her than anyone elses.

In all the time i have known Mandi, she really never bitched about anything. She is rather upset with her father right now but it took a lot for me to get that out of her. I know she is worried about her brother because no one has heard from him in a week. And she refuses to call her dad to see if he has.

The sad thing is that Stephaine is from Georgia, and she has no real family. Not here. I took an instant liking to Dan and her both. Dan actually tried to make conversation to me. I am not used to being in a relationship were the family are instantly liking me. Although I have to admit my ex brother in law never seemed to have a problem with me. If he did Sarah never told me.

I am kind of glad that not a whole lot of family showed up. Mandi's grandmother would have been there, and its a big secret that i am divorced, because she would not accept that. I still have the ring mark on my finger, after five months and still very noticiable. It must have been real tight on my finger. I dont even have my class ring to cover it up.

Dan is divorced also, and he has a crazy ex wife. They drove past her house the other day, and the woman followed them all the way to her job. And then got out of the car and watched them at a stoplight until it changed. Creepy.

Next week me and Mandi are going to the drive in. Hopefully. We have said this on several occasions, but it eithier rain or turns extremely hot. (Its been in the upper 90 here). I am thinking that may be the real chance to break out the rusty moves. I am not sure if this is going anywhere yet, but my options on playing the field narrowed, (Walmart A has a boyfriened now, I waited to damn long)

Mandi and i were determing when we had our first official date. Where we actually did something, not just meet. It was May 7th. We went and seen Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. We have only been dating for 3 months.

I kissed her before I left tonight again, actually she intiaited the kiss when I was leaving, then hugged me tight, and i kissed her again. Nothing heavy still, but baby steps right... baby steps, we have all the time in the world to get to the good stuff later right. I may be getting old, ( I love saying that everyone rolls there eyes at me, it is great.)

Also I was looking over my blog stats, I have done over 66 posts. I was impressed, i wonder how many pages that would be in book form.

Well I am signing off for the night. Dont worry soon we will have art 4 of Gaming and Life History. i just have to think of what game I want to relive my life through. Thinking Breath of Fire 3. A game that I was playing when Sarah and i got back together.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Another Inspired EPZ Post

This is actually quit right for me. I only picked it because it reminded me of the xbox 360

You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.
Like mother nature, you want to help everyone.
You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive.

A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker.
You are good natured and people enjoy your company.
You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Friday, August 12, 2005

Gaming History and Life History part 3

Resident Evil 2... this game was bought during a very traumatic experience. The was one of the scariest nights i can remember in my history. I had just got home from work, and my parents were not home. There was a phone number from a phone booth, on the caller id. My father did not believe in an answering machine. So of course no message.

The phone rang again a few minutes after I got home. It was Sarah. She sounde really upset about something. She wanted me to meet her at the park, in our usual place. I asked what was wrong and she was just crying. I raced there as fast as i could.

There were 2 ways into this park. One was the front entrance and one by the swimming pool. The second entrance was closer to where I was supposed to met her. So I took it instead. My nerves were raw, I thought she could have been attacked by her stalker, or maybe she was pregnant.

When I pulled up to the usual place, there were about 20 cars there, and about 50 people between the age 16-19. Parting and drinking. I thought some one here may have done something to Sarah, I jumped out of my car. And started looking around.

I did not see her, her car, or anything. About this time i had gathered a little attention in the way I pulled in and jumped out of the car. I yelled Sarah as loud as I could looking for her, womdering why she would have been here or anything else. Three little bitches stood off to the side telling me, :She left with someone already." I ignored them because they obviously did not know what they were talking about.

Three little punks decided they were going to try to pick a fight with me. 2 white guys and a tall black guy. I pushed past them into the sea of people yelling for Sarah. One of the little punks made some comment that she was with someone else and that I needed to leave. I of course ignored him, still concerned about sarah.

Then one of the little bastards pushed me. I looked him dead in the eye, and i got reall angry to the point I was shaking. I pushed him backward and onto the ground. "I looked at him, as his buddies took 2 steps back. "YOU DONT WANT TO FUCK WITH ME RIGHT NOW" I believe he pissed his pants right there. None of them said another word as i got back into my car and drove back around to the front of the park.

Sarah was sitting in her car waiting by the restrooms. She told me to follow her. Just as we were about to pull, a police car came around us. We followed him up to the punk party. We went on passed to a little gazebo.

Her stalker had attacked her, she was cut up. He threatened to kill her, and told her he knew where i lived. Threatened to kill me. She was coming to break up with me because she did not want me to get hurt. I told her that was stupid.

I got in her car, and we talked. She had already been to talk to the police. And they were looking for him. She had been crying and was very upset. I told her I was not going anywhere, and I felt guilty because I was not there to protect her.

She told me she pulled up to the spot, and seen all the people there after she called me. she had hoped to catch entering the park before i stopped there. I told her a little about confrontation. I did not tell her about the shoving match. She was already concerend enough for my well being. The thought that she may had gotten the shit kicked out of me by a mob would have been to much.

She had a few cuts, so we went to Wal Mart and went to buy her some rubbing alchol and go back to my house.

As we are walking through the store, one of the three punks that tried to start shit with me walked up to me and Sarah, he was the tall balck guy. I was like here we go.

"Yo man, look man we are sorry about what happened man, you found your girl right. I see her here. Look I am sorry we get a little crazy from time to time you know what I am saying.We are all basically good gus, but we get a little wild." He continue to apologize for another 30 seconds. I stopped him and told him it was ok. I had to go.

The boy was scarred. Sarah looked at me a little different after that. She had a puzzled look because up until that point she did not believe anything about how I was ready to fight all these guys cause I thought she was in a trunk somewhere.

I took her home, took care of her wounds. And sat beside her in my bed room until she fell asleep. I was bound and determined not to go to sleep. I went in and told my dad what had happened. He got his pistol down from the closet. He told me to wake him up if i heard anything.

I had just bought RE2, and i knew if I started playing it, it would keep me awake. So thats what I did from 11:00 til 9:00 when sarah woke up. One time during the night I got my dad up because I heard something outside like someone trying to sneak around. My nerves were a little edgy, but there was nothing out there.

Eventually things were resloved for ahile, the guy left town or something. Everyone in a while he would find a phone number of ours and call and threaten Sarah. But we never seen him really again.


Gaming And Life History Part 2

On to the next game i can foundly remember on the ole PS1. This story moves us into the realm of a little game called Final fantasy Tactics. I bought this game on a Friday . The weather was attrcious and i could not drive myself to my job at KB toys that day. My dad had to drive me. he ws born in Michigan and was used to snow.

Welcome to 1998, Febuary. I was very exciting because my girlfriend was coming to stay the weekend with me, or at least the night. This was in the very first full month of my realationship with Sarah.

When my dad pulled up, I told everyone i had to leave. So I left work and when I opened the side door, Sarah was there. My heart filled with some many feelings when I saw her, and her beautiful smile. That I had not seen in almost a week.

I can remember this night because we a little argument about something. It was our first couples fight, I think it had to do with something i said to her during a sexual momnet, (okay i really remember but its not that important to the story.)

She and I talked about it and I appologized to her. I never meant to hurt her feelings. I loved her so much back then because she was perfect. Still in college and we would walk and talk and kiss in public. the parks in Henderson were almost always abondaoned in Febuary in good ole henderson Ky.

I remember going back to my room afterwards, she was sleep on the couch. i offered my bed but she would not take it. I went in to the room feeling guilty about what i had done. turned on the FFt game, I had only spent a few minutes with when i got home and Sarah became bored out of her mind from watching.

As I played the game after about three minutes she slipped up behind me and put her arms around me and kissed my neck. Whispered in my the she Loved me. And left the room. i followed her back to the couch and we fooled around a little bit before she went to sleep, and i went to bed.

The funny thing is i never did finish this game without cheating. It was a game that i finished with a game cheating deviece after Johnny moved in with me during the 2 months that Sarah and i split up.

Well i need to run look forward to part 3 in the next instalments. If you like em let me know, if you get bored let me know that too.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

10 Years of Gaming and Life History. Part One

It all started with the playstation. Thats where the gaming addiction took off for me. Itall started with a jeep by dad had bought me. It did not run worth a shit. We bought it off a guy, and had drove it home, where it sat for about a week.

Someone else was interested in the jeep, he knew everything that was wrong with it. He wanted it, we payed $1500, and he offered me $2000. Which bought me a $1000 car and a $400 Ps1. Welcome to 1996. I worked as a store clerk for a little videoshop in Henderson Kentucky called Silver Screen video, for a shrewd asshole. He absolutely refused to rent out ps1 games because they were cd-rom. Too easy to break he said, to easy to damage. I had to drive to Evansville (Where I live now) Indiana to rent the games for it. Which I did with my $1000 car as often as i could.

The first game I bought for myself was Doom, but it had no real history for me, but there was a few games that I have a history with on the good ole PS1. The first would be street fighter alpha

I had a freind Johnny, who was married and had a kid. An adorable 1 year old son named Ryan. I drug my ps over to his apartment on weekends, and we would stay up late play Street fighter Alpha. I loved this family atmosphere. I loved his wife, because she never treated me like an outcast like everyone elses girlfriends.

This lead to some problems down the road. She would invite me over when Johnny was not around, i would take her shopping, go out to lunch with her about 3 days a week. The thing that i never really caught on to at the time was she was falling for me. I was giving her the attention that Johnny was not.

I thought about it over the time frame that we were all friends. I so wanted her more than any girl I ever wanted in my life besides one other we all know about. It was nice to be the fat guy and have a woman who looked as beautiful as she always did oto actually think of you as an equal.

Johnny is a nice guy, still is my friend. I kind of drifted away from them for awhile, I kept thinking of his wife. I saved their marriage three times. I talked her out of divorcing him. I talked her out of leaving him.

Eventually Johnny got jealous of me. He thought stuff was going on between his wife and I. She once asked me over because she was very upset. Johnny had told her she was not a good wife because she was never good at the house work. The apartment was never clean. (Granted she would go into her job 7 in the moning and then not get home till 7 at night) (His lazy ass got home at 3:30 everyday) I offered to come over and help her clean up the apartment.

After we were done. We sat down in the middle of the apartment floor and talked, she brought out the boardgame life. We were playing it when Johnny bust through the door, having come home from work early. He seen my car out front and i bet he thought he was going to catch us in the act. The only babies being produced were the blue and pink kind from the board game. He looked angry when he came through that door.

When he noticed nothing amiss, meaning are clothing was still on. He calmed down and noticed that the apartment was clean, spotless even. He thanked me.

I won't lie to you. I loved Christy, with all my heart. I felt sorry for her, because at the time Johnny was not the same guy i knew in high school. He was not a good father. he was not a good husband. But his a good husband these days right.

After I drifted away from them, she cheated on him, with a guy who looked a lot like me. Okay I think I was better looking, but the fact is without me there the marriage fell apart.

Later Johnny would tell Ben that he thought sometihng was going on between the two of us. Nothing ever did. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would have been had I stole her away. She eventually got remarried to a guy, and is still married to him to this day and has 3 kids. I would not have traded any memory I have of Sarah for her, but I just wish I could have been that happy with her.

Okay So these post are probably going to geta little long. So I am going to have to split this up I guess, of this life history lesson.

Meet the Family or Playstation 1

Well Saturday i think things with Mandi will take a drastic turn. I am going to a party with her, and meet her family. I am a little nervous but not to worried. The worst part is hoping her grandmother does not see the wedding band finger, because it is still very much visible and i have not wore my wedding band in 5 months

Her grandmother does not believe in divorce. She is from the class that you are married forever in theeyes of God. I bleieve that too. But it does not stop the person wanting the divorce from moving on with their own lives.

I dont do well alone, i know what it feels like to be happy and with another person. I know how waking up in the middle night just to watch them sleep feels like. Some nights i would just want to wake up Sarah just to talk to her. Talk about nothing at all.

I hope I can feel that again. I keep telling myself that i will feel that again, it just takes time. It still hurts that it will not be Sarah. There are times I still wake up in the night after dreaming about her that I roll over and realize, she is not there. Those are the nights that I have a hard time getting out of bed the next day. There even harder to thank about.

I have not cried over her in about a week and a half. At Least. Tonight I did. I was flipping through a playstation magazine and it mentioned that the ps1 turns 10 years old September 9th. I cried because it was my life until I met her. Video games have always been my life. I can tell you what was going on in my life if you mention to me a game title. The Ps1 I was playing the year I got married.

I will share in a future blog what games I have fond memories from, not of the game but of the life I was living at the time. You might hear stories of a time when I was happy. When I felt loved, when I had hope. When I had her...

For fun if you want to leave a game suggestion, I will tell you what was going on then. It can be any game ps1 forward.

LAter Guys

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Bullet Time

The Following is a Dramatazation of real events from the morning of August 9th, 2005
The people are real, and we did not use any real footage from the event. No Sponges were hurt in this recreation. Parental supervision is recommened.

It was a normal day in the corn fields of Genva KY. Two friends had set out to train themselves in the betterment of fire arm munitions. They carried 3 weapons with them. I small arms revolver, a double Barrelled shotgun, and a .22 rifle with 4x scope.

They had just loaded up the pistol and we preparing to fire at some objects when suddenly they found themselves surrounded.

Robert: Well I looked to the East and out of the corn fields I see 3 figures approach. A 24 once. Ohuna Punch bottle, an Incredible Hulk action figure and their commander. Sponge Bob Squarepants.

Ben: To our North, 2 red disposible plates suddenly stepped through the bushes. Gleaming at us with their shiny armor. I suddenly felt like it would be a good time to leave.

Robert: Behind the plates followed 3 styrafoam boards. I could not tell if they were footsoldiers, archers or (gasp) Snipers.

Robert took the pistol and charged forward. The Ohuna bottle was stood as spongebobs first line of defense. Robert aimed and squezzed off a round. Events are a little uncertain at this point, Robert claims that the bottle jumped clear of his shot. Others would say he just missed. He fired again, but to no avail.

There were only 2 shots left in the weapon, Ben took it from him, this was not the time to let a newbie fire a weapon in the heat of war.

Ben fired, and mortaly wounded the bottle, it was blown back by such a force it landed in the cornfield where it had slithered from. Still this was no time to panic, Ben Dropped the pistol, and went for the shot gun, the plates were becoming closer and closer.

Ben fired his shot, splitting the plates round forehead. It dropped to the ground. And lay motionless. Ben looked at me rubbing his shoulder. The kickback from such a powerful weapon had brised his shoulder and ego. Sweat dripped off him like rain. The shot gun was reloaded and placed in my hand.

I fired my shotgun, it kicked into my shoulder. Would have been a terrible injury to a weaker man, but I never felt it. I was in the zone. I held it steady and true but the plate used a velocity vs. shot mathmatical formula and dodged cleanly, it sneered at me. I smiled back. He thought he had me, I could see him reaching for his weapon of choice.

"You forgot one thing," Robert spit to the side, the plates eyes widened. "Double Barrelled bitch." The plate was taken by suprise, it was riddles across the chest and it feel to the ground bleeding, gasping for air through the lungs full of holes. The tree branch behind it fell to the ground.

Ben took it back, screaming how I may have save both our lives when he reloaded the gun. And handed it back to me, The Incredible Hulk was moving forward. But i seen a new enemy at the last second, I used all my power to avoid hitting hulk, and aimed too high, and hit a clod of dirt who just happen to come out of the cornfield with a flame thrower. I hit him between the eyes and he exploded into a dust cload. (Editors Note: We are not sure if the dirt clod was there, we thank he may have missed another shot.)

Ben took the shotgun back, his minor shoulder injury was healing. Reloaded it and fired at Hulk. Blasted him back into the cornfield. Spongebob was terrified as he was also blasted with the second shot.

later would try to locate their bodies, but to no avail. It is believed that the dastardly Spongebob may have gotten away for now.

The 3 foam boards stood away, and we toook our last weapon that had shots availiable, it being a long ranged weapon we were sure we had an advantage. Ben fired into the boards. he fired 14 shots, and at least 12 had hit. The gun was empty. He began to reload when one of the foam boards got off a shot. Ben fell over holding his shoulder. It seems that he may have been bleeding, it cocked the rifle and handed it back.

Its all you kid, its all you.

I looked down the scope and just started firing, trying to get head shots, becase hitting the kevlar vest they were wearing did no good. After my 14 shots all three lay dead. We gathered up the remains we could find. And we headed back to the campsite to unload the weapon.

We did good, the secret invasion of Sponge Bob had been thwarted but he would be back. And maybe next time we will get him

Major Wood signing out

Monday, August 08, 2005

My Happy Ending

Another Song i discovered from Blockbuster TV they played bits and pieces to during the coming soon trailer for A Lot Like Love. These poeces stirred something in me so I went to find out who sang this song. So here is another song from the soundtrack of my life

My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

Oh oh, oh oh..
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh..
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh .
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh,

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were ment to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, (in background Oh oh, oh oh)
So much for my happy ending,

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Saturday, August 06, 2005

What Makes People Do the Things They Do?

Its been a weird day. I say that often to myself, but today just seemed odd. Ever since last night I was not able to sleep. I started thinking about the ex and just could not get my mind off how she is doing, is she okay, does she even think about me anymore.

I was never going to get to sleep at this rate, so I went to my trusted friend the Xbox and played some Ghost Recon Summit Strike, Met some new online friends. And just tried to get my mind off everything. I did not get to bed until somewhere around 4:30 am.

The alarm clock jolted me awake. I have the worlds loudest alarm clock. It went off at 7 am this monring. I had to go over to my moms apartment and wait for the cable people. I took my laundry with me, because its free to do the laundry over there. I do it myslef I would never take my laundry and drop it off for her to do. I have to be responsible now and that includes laundry.

Ben meets me at the door. Holding a newspaper turned to the obits. He shows me a name and I did not recognize right away. A 32 year old man. I shruged as I read the name. It did not seem to be anyone I knew. He told me to keep reading.

I seen his sisters, as he was survived by his wife and daughter. I was confused. Ben had not told me his sister was geting a divorce. If he did I must have blocked it out. With my own problems.

Ben said he and his sister had split. They both had been arrested on drug charges several times, his sister was a heavy meth user, and at one point Ben's mother was responsible for her grandchild, and her daughter. The only way Ben's sister could see her baby if her mother took resposibility for the both of them. 25 years old and your mother still has to take care of you because you cant take care of yourself.

Her husband (soon to be ex husband) had been calling her family members threatening to kill her and his daughter. And then shoot himself, this had been going on for 2 weeks. He called her the night before he died to ask them to come over. For once in her life April made the right decission.

Her husband was living with his father. He left him alone for ten minutes. Mark found his dad's old shotgun, stuck it into his mouth, and blew his fucking head off. Literaly. There was nothing left above the shoulders.

I was glad April was okay. Hopefuly she can get her ass straight. I doubt it. Its an addiction, she is addicted to bad guys, drugs, and she has always been that way. She is one of the lost souls that has not found her way in this world. She has been married, divorced, swinger, lesbian, straight, meth head, crack head, and mother of 2.

Tuesday i am going to meet with Ben. He is going to teach me how to fire a weapon. I have never fired a gun. Something inside me tells me that I should learn this. I am not sure why. I just feel like it will come in handy for future refrences. (No not for Suicide or Murder). Ben has a nice arsenal of rifles, and his step dad has a nice arsenal of pistols. They live out in the middle of nowhere so it should be a good way to let off some steam.

Ben brought up the girl he works at Walmart with again. He said he told her that he had a friend who was interested in her. She seemed interested, but then again he did not tell her who. She left work the night he told her that, and had not been back til last night (Over a week I take it) She was in a car accident. Ben said she told him that she was thinking about what he had said and wham car accident.

She is going to be real dissapointed, I am not anything to worry and not concentrate on important things over. I hate my love life. I am so confused, I dont want to settle for the first thing after my divorce, but I dont want to ruin destiny's plan if it is destiny. Life was so much easier when I had a soul mate. I found A very attractive. But have no clue about anything she has been through in the last 10 years. I like Mandi too, and I am not trying to rush things there, but it seems to be coming along nicely.

I think its the loneliness that is eating at me. I never knew what it felt like to be with people and just feel like I am the only one there, in my head.

I got the internet hooked up at Moms. Then took a 45 minute nap on the couch. When she got home we went to the grocery. She bought me the foillowing items. A huge watermellon, 2 12 packs of RC, a 12 pack of minute maid Lemonade, 2 packages of Lunch Meat, and a 6 pack of Mikes Hard Lemonade.

I dropped her at home. Showed her for the 400th time how to use a computer and check her email. Which I will have to explain again the next time I see her. I drove home.

I still need to get the damn stereo fixed in my car. I bought a portable boom box a few days ago, so I could at least listen to something on the way to and fro. Well this morning I broke the antena with my laundry basket, So now I have no reception.

I get home. My neck is killing me still, I really fudged it up good. I may have to go to the Dr. if it does not clear up soon. I was hungry when I got home. I dont know why I turned down my mothers offer to stay for chicken. I guess cause I just wanted to be home, it had been a long day and I was ehausted.

I decided to cook spaghetti. I had bought a loaf of french bread, and preheated the oven to 400 to cook my bread. I opened the door to put the bread in and had not opened it all the way so while I was slipping the bread pan in there, the oven door swung up. I was lucky when it slammed against my arm, it was turned sideways. If it had been palm down it could have been a pretty bad burn. All I got was a 2 inch burn on my wrist and a half inch burn on one of my knuckels. See kids this is why I like the microwave. It only attacks you if you put a fork in it.

So I take another nap for 30 minutes on the couch. I got up at 7:30 pm and was getting ready to call Mandi. When she called me. She starts talking and suddenly she is upset.

She seems to have a family like mine. She loaned her dad $10 on Sunday, telling him she needed it back on Tuesday because she had no extra cash. He promised he would pay her back. Tuesday came and went, Wednesday, thursday night she calls him. He hangs up on her 3 times. She leaves a voice message saying she needs that money back, or she cant get back and forth to work next week.

She decides to call him today from work. Her dad is staying with her aunt. So when she calls him that morning, her aunt answers. Starts yelling at her saying things like: You should let your dad stay with you, she should be taking care of him, he is sick from his surgery, and you know he has a brain tumor. (Which no one has ever seen any proof of, and everyone thinks he is faking it) And that all she is in being nice to him for is because when he dies from this brain tumor, she get 250K from his insurance. She started to cry nd hung up the phone.

She never started crying on the phone with me. i think she is still too strong for that yet. She is afraid to depend on anyone. She did say she had no clue where her brother was right now, if he was living on the street or staying with friends, she has no clue. No one has heard from him in a week.

No wonder she turned to drugs the poor girl has an awful bad life somedays. She never really complains to me about it. I get little bits and pieces here and there. And thats one of the reasons I am scared of being in a relationship with her. I dont want to be unhappy down the road and feel trapped cause she might be suicidal. But at the same time, It makes me have stronger feelings for her because she is not perfect, and she has not truly even been happy... ever.

So I drank 4 mikes hard lemonades tonight. LAyed in the bath tub with my neck submerged for 20 minutes and decided to call it a night. Until guess what i could not sleep. So here I am, I have to be up in a few hours to get ready for work. Cant sllep, and just typed out the longest post I have ever written

Sorry about the length, I will try to make everything shorter next time. My mom wants to meet Mandi, and Mandi does seem up for that so maybe this Sunay or next weekend.

Well later guys
BTW this post took me over an hour to write. Sad huh

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Have I really not written anything since Sunday

Wow, sorry for the long absence, not really meaning to abandon you guys for so long. I bet your itching for more goodies huh.

Well Tomorrow, (friday) I am off work, and I have to wait for the cable guy to come hook up the internet for my Mom, since I am the only one in the family who knows how to do such things in the family. I guess I could do my laundry while I am there also, since it will be free.

Tuesday was an interesting day. I was planning on relaxing with the old xbox. I had told Allan (AKA Masta Chi3f) that I was going to be online Tuesday. Well mandi calls me at 10:45 and asks what I am doing. I tell her nothing. She then invites me out to lunch. Her treat.

We go do a little pizza buffet here in town called cici's and we meet at noon. We eat and she asked if I had anymore plans. In the back of my mind I was screaming at myself to tell her yes because I was dying for some xbox time. Yet in the end I told her no, that i just needed to go see my mom in the afternoon.

She asks if if want to go back to her place, and rent some dvds. I tell her that is fine. So we pick up Alexander and Guess Who. She ask if i time to watch Alexander (its close to three hours) I tell her okay. Its almost 1:00 and I was not planning to be over to my mothers until after 4 anyway.

Let me warn anyone who plans on watching this movie, it is the worst movie I have watched in 28 years, this includes: White Noise, Blair Witch Project, and anything starring Johnny Depp or a Tim Burton movie.

It jumps around, alot. Its hard to keep track of the characters, it contains only a few fight scenes, half of him conquering the world. But it also include all the gay love scenes, I know he was greek but was he really gay. I dont remember that part. I should have known better since it was an Oliver Stone movie. Thumbs down, thombs down all the way to china town.

Afterwards, I decided to stay and watch Guess who (Which I had already watched and I needed anything to get Alexanders bad taste out of my mouth.) I love this Monvie, its I plan on buying it at some point. I love Ashton Kutcher movies , (okay dude wheres my car doesnt count) It was a heartwarming comedy about differences in people. And I almost tear up when he is explaining about, your other half (Spoiler!!! You have been warned.) About how you go through thinking life is okay, and then you meet the person you love. Then wham, you feel everything your were missing, and you cant go back to being alone because you know what it felt like to be a whole person. Thats what the ex meant to me. I dont feel whole, but we all know that side of the coin and we wont go back there for now.

I did kiss her before I left, dont get all excited guys. I kissed her o the cheek after I was done hugging her, she did pay for everything. Then she kissed me on the lips, in a friendly peckish way. But it felt good.

One more hilarious thought before I go. I told my mother to contact the cable company so that she could schedule an appointment for Friday. She told me they asked her many questions, including do you have a cable modem. She told them yes.

I told her, computers dont come with a cable modem. She said it says modem on the box. I told her to call them back, so they bring the modem with them. It was too much work to explain the difference in a 56k modem and a cable modem Everything else I think she answered correctly.

Well tomorrow, I may be taking the blog on the road to my moms apartment, on the laundry/cable hookup roadshow.


Monday, August 01, 2005

Something Personal

I went through the nightstand where I keep some of my items. It was her nightstand, inside of it is the Valentine Massager and massage oil I got her for Valentines day. Also in there was the a note I had thrown away but kept later anyway.

She left this note for me two nights after I hada nervous breakdown after coming home from work. This is what started the lies she told her co-workers is what she told me later. I had a breakdown because I felt like I could never make her happy. I was aways going to be stuck in a dead end job making nothing. I cried and had woken her up. I was depressed and I just need to cry. I hate to know that those tears are what caused the ones that dont stop now. The ones that come like ninja assassins to my heart, the ones that hurt and I never see them coming.

The crying was all about me that night, I never wanted her to think anything bad about herself. Two days later, this is the note left for me in the upstairs bathroom. I will share this with you word for word.

We haven't had a chance to talk since Monday night. My feelings are very hurt by what you said. I don't understand why you feel I would be better off and happier if I had never met you. Or why you feel like you don't or can't make me happy. That makes me feel like you consider me difficult or high maintenance. Yes, there are things I would change about you if I could. Just like I'm sure there are things you would change about me. For example I would like for you to stand up forself and us regarding your job. I wouldlike for you to be more thoughtful of me more often (i.e helping around the house, scraping my windows for me... just because) I do alot for our marriage because I love you. I have achieved much succsess in my life and am fortunate both personally and professionally. I do take care of this family finacially. I have not asked you to change that. What we both bring into the marriage is ours, not yours and not mine. Am I happy? That's a loaded question. The thing is, I know what makes you happy and you know things that make me happy. I think that sometimes people get lazy with their marriage and i believe that you have become lazy in our marriage. We've been through this before.
I dont think that you dont know what to do to make me happy, but you lack the drive to do it. That leaves me feeling helpless and hopeless. Because what you said the other night was simply selfish. It wasn't "I know that sometimes i take you for granted and I want to change x, y,z"Rather it was, "you would be better off with out me, you deserve better." (Not I can do better for you or I can be better at showing you how much you mean to me). Instead, it was "you would be better off and happier if I never came into your life." That is very presumptious. And where does that leave us?


So there you have it folks. I told her i love you a thousand times a day, and yet she cant believe that i every did. I bought her gifts, I scrapped her windshield, I brought her flowers, cards, candy, lunch. I called every night from work to ask her how her day was. But none of that mattered, she never heard a single thing i said, except for, "you would be better off without me, and you deserve better." She heard that loud and clear. Becuase the next day after I creid she told her co workers I cheated on her. The lie that i never saw coming. All because i had a depressing day at work.