Divorced & Dealing

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posted by Hendersonman @ 11:01 AM Comments: 0

WTF

Do you ever have one of those days where everyone seems to be critical of you. Like no matter what you say, they will find fault with it. How many times on this blog have I said how much I respect women, love women, and defend women.

Yet Suddenly I find myself being attacked for something I said in a comment, with total fucking sarcasm. It was one of those little incidents from September between Pro-divorce and I.

This was the comment I had made, you can even go back and look at the comments for the last post of September and read it for yourself.

Divorced and Dealing said...
Yeah I have tried it before it was called marriage. After reading your blog to me it sounds like Audultry. But who cares right. In the end, women are nothing but slime right. Its not like feeling matter. I may be a loser but in the end, most women will remember me as a decent person. The women you know what even remember you

Now, even if you have not read my blog then you should see the seething sarcasm off that. And if you read my blog then you know I was not being serious. However I get my comments mailed to me, so this is the message I get from this person this morning.

divorced and dealing said:

After reading your blog to me it sounds like Audultry. But who cares right. In the end, women are nothing but slime right.

I see that the Treasurer for the Evansville Gaming Guild, that geekgrrl and animal lover Miss Jeri, has a new surname (she used to be married to a different Robert, also of E.G.G.) so it is possible for you gamers to find true love after a divorce in River City! But gosh, Robert, think of women as another "I" to recognize with joy rather than as "slime".

She basically thinks that I do not appreciate women, and I was mad about this so I hunted down this quote. And Realize that she not only forgot to include the rest of the quote, the part which seems to show the sarcasm. But then I check her page.

She has the comment she wrote me, On her page, making me look like some guy who treats women like shit. Not only that, she has no link to it. Plus anyone who is looking up info on the Evansville Gaming Guild will find it. So know everyone who goes to the guild, where I am well known may now think I am a jerk.

How is that fair to me. Here is the blog address to see for yourself. The Blog

Maybe I am being a little thin skinned about things, but if you are going to quote me, at least quote the entire thing.

And just last week I am at work with Jane Eyre. And I am up on a ladder changing some signs above the front counter. Jane Eyre and I always joke and cut up.

So I am up there on the ladder and this bastard comes in and asks for tree hugging Hippie. I told them she was not here. And we were trying to find out what this guys membership number. So JE was looking for the phone numbers to call another store, and this guy is going on about would it not just be easier to fill out a new account than to call. To me this sounded like someone trying to get out of paying a late charge.

I thought JE was going to walk over and do that. Instead she was walking over to the computer so when she made the call the she could just type the numbers in. I did not realize she had the phone, and told her to Call First.

Well this guy must have thought I was attacking her verbally. He looked up to me on the ladder. "So Are you the Manager."

I told him yeah.

"You know you should be alot nicer to the women around here. Are you married or have a girlfriend?"

I told him no, I was divorced.

"That Figures."

I told him excuse me, the reason I am divorced has nothing to do with the way I treat a women. You know nothing about me. At this time he knew he had pissed me off. So he apologized and said he was just kidding. Yeah, he was kidding my ass.

After he left, i was raw about the entire situation, and JE knew it. I wanted to jump off that ladder and beat the shit out of him it made me so raw.

So why do people think its there place to judge you for like the 5 minutes they know you, or judge by the first post they read on your blog?

posted by Hendersonman @ 10:06 AM Comments: 1

Stormy Weather

Man last week was bad. It started out wiht a fricking heat wave. Indiana Humidity is the worst. I walked outside and felt like I was going to pass out. It has been a long time since I felt heat this bad.

Then a big storm rolled in, which had wind gust of 90 MPH, my car wont even go that fast. It blew a truck over in Henderson, and made one hrll of a mess. It also blew the roof off one of the buildings where my mom works. (One they just replaced last year because the wind blew it off)

Afterwards the temp dropped for a few days, but seems to be slowly climbing back up.

I worked day shift everyday since Thursday. And Bank girl only worked that Thursday, in the window. So no dice. Sometimes this gets very frustrating to me. Oh well there is always Tuesday.

Its funny now, I am on a first name basis with everyone at the bank now it seems. Everyone talks to me there, which is kind of frightneing since I did not think so many people even knew my first name.

There is a new girl at the bank now who is also a customer at our store. She is real nice, and she is friendly with me, because I always cut up with her at our store. Her and Her boyfriend think I am hilarious. Okay well at least she does.

But other than that not much going on. Seems like I have been really busy, I worked so many days in the row, plus hanging out with my friends on the weekend makes it feel like all I have done is come home and go to bed. I have a late charge at another video store in town because I rented a 360 game (Prey if anyone cares) and I did not want to take it back until I finished it. (Which i did a few minutes ago)

I am thinking about going to soak in the tub and read more of angels and demons. I swear I am going to finish this book, but man it seems like I cant get into it to save my life. I really want to finish it becuase Tree hugging Hippie told me it was great, and she has tried to convince everyone to read it. (She is not the first to recommend it, I do believe the ZOO recommended it about a year ago.)

I read a new age book last week, and I have to say it was a very interesting read. I am not going to get too much into it because I know some are going to call qaukery, but all I know is this, when it comes to stuff like this I am a skepic,but so far so good this seems to be working. I feel better, and more confident. And I have even had a smile on my face since i started this.

Anyway, you guys have fun and I am logging off here.

Have a good night

Robert

posted by Hendersonman @ 8:09 PM Comments: 2

Because I Deserve It

"There is Always life In a living Man"- Scottish Proverb

"If you could not live without me, then why aren't you dead yet."- I have no clue who said this

-------------------------------------------------------------

This too phrases mean different things to me. They are phrases that have lived so deep within my soul that have tourtured me for the last 15 months. Why have they tortured me?

Because I loved someone so much that when she decided she could not love me anymore, I fell apart. There is no easy way to say that. You can not sugar coat it. I loved my ex wife more than anything on this planet.

Or for the last 15 months everything I felt, I feel like I deserved. Maybe because I was not the best husband in the world, because I was comfortable. I told her everyday i loved her, I guess I did not say it to her the way that she wanted to hear it. I guess when you tell someone the same thing everyday, 10 times a day, it makes it almost a robotic response. To me it was not. it was how I felt.

And when she left me I wanted to die. And there are some days I would like a quick death, but I keep forgeting the other saying. I am still alive, losing her alone did not kill me. I have slowly done that to myself.

This is where I am. I want to try a new relationship with someone. At least get to know someone. Yes you all know of who i speak. And I know why it scares me. Because it boils down to this.

This is not some girl I seen on the internet. This is live flesh and blood. And I noticed her the first time I seen her, and I knew she was pretty. But at the time I was really too preoccupied with my worthless life. I was dating a girl that frankly had no feelings for, because she was a pot head, who did not care for me much eithier I am guessing.

And the thing is, that I may have ignored the girl at the bank, but she made a mistake. She started talking to me, joking with me, smiling at me. Yes this may all be part of her personality, or part of her job description. And that is what did scare me.

Its not that i dont think she is interested, because I think there is that posibility. But I think the big thing is... I feel like I deserve it.

Thats right for once in my life I feel like I deserve something, something besides pain and misery and rejection. I feel like I deserve a girl who has a pretty smile, pretty hair, a wonderfully sweet personality, a girl who loves butterflies and the color purple. A girl who would want to see me at the end of the day, who would want to wake up next to me, and who may someday want to carry my child, because I am a good person.

I dont know if the girl is that interested, I dont think at this point she is because well, you know I have not even asked her out. But that does not mean I dont deserve these things. But because I think I deserve it does not mean that it will happen. And there is a thousand reasons she could say no, but there is only one reason I want her to say yes...

Because I deserve it.

Sorry ladies if this post came a little bit "all about me-ish" I do not mean to sound smug and arrogant, but long time readers are more likely to understand.

Have a good Night

posted by Hendersonman @ 11:03 PM Comments: 3

Can I have A Sucker

The day did not start off the way I really wanted it to. It being a Tuesday, all I wanted to do was go to the bank, and see the bank girl. When i get to work, we are being audited.

It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I always hate when he audits, because I always feel like he goes everything I have done in the last three months with a fine tooth comb. I think he found one sort of major screw up on me.

But thats not the story of the day. The story of the day starts with the bank, as all my Tuesday stories do. As soon as I come in the door, she sees me come in, and smiles and says hi. Then a guy and his little daughter go to her window.

I am next in line so, of course I have to step down to another window, but the good news is its the one right next to her. When I step down, she tells me that She had not seen me in awhile, I jokingly ask her if she missed me. She laughed and said she did, its been awhile since she had seen me. (Yes she did repeat again that she had not seen me in awhile, which is true, I had not talked to her for 3 weeks.)

Well the guy she was waiting on was trying to cash a check, but he had to fill out a deposit slip. So she was busy doing that, she asked the little girl if she liked the rain. I thought that my business at the bank was going to conclude before his.

So I hear her counting the money to him, and the teller I was at was just about done with mine. She was trying to run a reciept through a machine. But Bank girl was still counting the guys money.

Then the most awesome thing happened. The machine kept rejecting the receipt. She had to spend 30 seconds to fix it, and just s sson as she got it done, I hear bank girl say, "There you go" and no one else was waiting behind me in line. That meant that i would have time to walk over hand her the card, and say something like... I have been trying to give this to you in weeks.

The stars had aligned, I was ready to do it, I had it in my pocket, my fingers were brushing against it. I was flush with excitment, the women got the recept to go through and handed me my bag, as bank girl asked the guy, "IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU TODAY?" I could hear a choir of angels singing, this was going to be the day that changes my life, I already had the song picked out for our wedding.

"Can I have a sucker?" Was how the little girl replied... those 5 words, ( okay its only 4 words and an article) In a perfect world, the suckers would have been sitting on the ledge, for all the children of the world.

But this was not my fucking Wal-Greens Comercial, and why should it be. Because you see I am not meant for happiness. Bank girl looked around and realized she had no delcious suckers to hand out. I stood in limbo, do I wait to see if this happens very quickly, or do I move on.

I stood dumbfounded, for an eternity. If I was a large cartoon character I would have probably smash a rubber hamer over the little girls head. (No children were harmed in the writing of the blog post -ED) I stood long enough fiddling with the bag, that I looked and felt almost like I was stalking her.

I knew that I was not going to be able to give the card to her, I was already standing there too long. I walked past her, and the kid and father. My head actually slumped. ANd behind me I heard her say to me.

"Hey, have a good day. See you later."

I turned to see her smile. as she handed the little girl a sucker. And for once my brain was elsewhere, thinking thoughts about how miserably close I was. And somewhere my brain let something loose, that I am worried to death about. How I replied.

"Thanks, and you know what, I kind of missed you too..." Where the hell did that come from. I might as well said, "Will you have my babies?, or what do you look like naked?" I wish I had actually said something like that now, because I could have pleaded temprorary insanity.

Its like I took a leap, but never left the diving board. How miserable is that.

She replied, "Ahh thank you"

After I got outside, i kicked a rock. Later I will feel sorry for the rock. It did nothing to deserve its treatment. And you know what, being a bully to a rock is not helping me one bit.

Oh well, Next Tuesday is another day. I have hope again because I made an idiot of myself, and if she is still overly friendly to me then she might just be interested.

Later

Robert

posted by Hendersonman @ 7:16 PM Comments: 3

If your Lonely Tonight...

Having one of those days, that nothing is going right. Actually its been a lot of those lately. Wednesday, bank girl did not work. So no chance at all to get the card to her. The more I think about it, the more stupid I feel. It is just not meant to be.

I went to see my mom today. We shipped a package to my buddy in England. A little taste of America. A t-shirt, some of my mom's no bake cookies, some little apple pies, and an American flag.

I bet we put in $20 worth of stuff. And it cost her $33 to ship it. How sad is that.

I did go to the library in my hometown, my mom wanted to see if they had "Alias" at the library. No luck, so she is still deciding if she is going to buy it. I myself am on the last 2 episodes of season 4.

After leaving the library, my car decided it wanted to be stubborn and not start. Seems like I am having more trouble with my battery cables. I may see if it starts tomorrow morning, and drive it over to Matt and Jeff's and see if Jeff can tighten the cable again for me. That's all the problem is. Its not getting a good connection to the terminal, I can actually twist the terminal around the post. It would start about half the time today, and the other times I would have to fiddle with it.

Not been getting much sleep lately. Weird dreams, nightmares even. It is hard to get back to sleep when you just had a dream that is very vivid, that you are awake and starring at your closet door, and you see A small reptilian being, with a large knife back up and then, the best way to describe it, he grabs a "zipper" and zips up reality like a tent flap. And disappears. Then suddenly I can move again. I take a large gasp of air.

Usually when I have Nightmares like this, When I wake up, something immediately always lets me know it was a dream. Like the door would be open more in real life, or the blinds were wide open in the dream, and closed when I woke up. But when I woke up this time, everything was the same, and to me it felt more like I did not wake up, as if I were released.

The next morning I look on my stomach while I am showering, because I feel a slight sting. I have a 9 inch cut, very shallow, but it had drew a little blood. Sort of like you would have if you cut yourself with a fingernail.

I have no fingernails, so I don't know how it got there. But this is not the first time it has happened. I did scratch myself with a pinky nail, (It was the sharpest nail I have, because it is the one I chew on the least.) It is not as deep, and I scratched myself as hard as I could. Its just odd. I don't think I was abducted by the aliens or anything.

Wow, I think that is the weirdest think I have confessed on this blog. It did bother me for a few days, but now it seems silly.

No wonder I am lonely tonight. Who could put up with my weirdness :)

Other than that, another boring week. There has not been any good 360 released lately, but next week we are getting two that look interesting to me.

As for the bank girl situation, I will give it one more chance on Tuesday. I also plan on cleaning up my apartment on Monday. Maybe that is what is holding fate back... That if she is interested in me, and wants to hang out... How can I explain that my apartment looks like World war 3 happened in my living room.

But come on.. I am being way to hopeful in that aspect. I mean I can not even get a girl to talk to me long enough online to actually ask her on a date lately. But then again, if Bank girl was to think I was attractive (lol) then she already knows I am gorgeous.

I have to hold in fate that my tarot reading tells me to let go of an old love, and that a new one will be joining me soon.

But man, who the hell wants to date a guy who is: Broke, poor, has a car that only starts half the time, and is not exactly a neat housekeeper. Yeah, i know I am a treasure to behold.

Good Bye
Robert

posted by Hendersonman @ 9:11 PM Comments: 0

Happy 4th of July

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Holiday. Not much going on in the Wood household. I have to work tonight, I got invited to a party a few weeks back, but I did not request off, and so someone decided 2 days before the schedule was made, (after he had already requested 2 days off that week) to go ahead and try to take off this holiday too... just like every Holiday, he fucking request off.

So no party for me. I have to work, I guess its okay. No girlfriend so its not like Fireworks mean anything for me anyway.

Well Plan b was in effect last week, not the greatest idea in th world probably because it would have made me look like a big coward, which it was not that. Lukrativ was going to deliver the card, through her or the other girl at the bank. Explaining that for the last 2 weeks I have been trying to deliver it, but she had been in drive thru. The funny thing is, all week long, there was some reason why it could not be delivered.

So here it is, tomorrow is my last chance. If it does not get delivered this week, by me or Lukrativ, its over. I am going to take it as there is no such thing as fate. That I am totally wrong, and nothing was ever going to come from this. There is no such thing as Serendipity. Or maybe Fate is real, and fate is telling me NO!

On the good news front, Ben has finally got a girlfriend. Its funny that this girl's mother worked at the store I used to work for before Lukrativ and me shipped across town. (Which is also about the same time that I first seen the bank girl, who also just started)I told ben I would not hold it against her who her mother was.

Not getting much sleep at night. Jane Eyere asked me the other night if I had trouble sleeping. I told her yeah. She then asked what i did about it. I told her I just deal with it. The best I can.

Spent some time with my mom last week. We were talking about things, she informed me that she finally forgave my ex wife. She said her minister did a sermon on forgiveness, and at the end asked if there was anyone who wanted to forgive someone to come up and leave your hurt and anger on the altar.

I think she did this more for me than she did it for herself.

I still get weepy about the holidays. I keep dreaming about Sarah last night, and when i would wake up, i would remember the 4th of July we would spend together. Usually it was one of the only times when we would have the house to ourselves for a week. We always took vacation this week, my mom would go stay with my uncle.

One year we actually bought fireworks. Usually we did not. Ben was the designated lighter, because for some reason Sarah never trusted me with flammable objects. Another time she got very drunk, and thought she offended a friend of mine and cried about it all night, man she was wated that night. It was funny in a way.

I did offer to watch the dogs for her one day this week. There was a guy she met up in Indy on an awards ceremony, they were the only 2 from there company. So they hung around together that night.

This weekend, there was a resident where he lived lighting fireworks, aiming them at people, aiming them at vehicles. My ex wife's friend was a big man, like 6'4" and 300 pounds. He went over to tell the man to stop. The Man pulled out a gun and shot him. He died at the scene.

He left behind a wife and 6 kids. He had no life insurance, and the family is not sure how they are going to pay for the funeral.

It makes you wonder why things happen. I know my ex is upset. I dont know how many times i would get in the car with her in the middle of the night and drive across town so she could tell someone to turned down there music or that this person could not be on the property.

Who knows, it could have happened to us. Its funnny how one thought can bring you back to something else. Or how your life changes from one moment to the next. Sarah and I were talking last week about how she got jealous of a girl who flirted with me at the burger king, back when we were married, and this week she is leaving to go to a funeral.

Oh well, life is nothing if it is not random. I guess thats it, life is just random.

I have made it to Season 4 of Alias. I am not sure what i am going to do when I am done with it. Since Season 5 will not be out for awhile, i dont even think there is a release date for it. Damn you Audrey.

Happy 4th of July, hope I did not bring you down

Congrats on the Big move OSW, have fun at the ZOO

Robert

posted by Hendersonman @ 10:34 AM Comments: 1