Monday, September 25, 2006

Things may need to Change

See I have been thinking over the last few days, about my lifestyle. Who I am and what changes i need to make in my life to get toward where I want to be. Happy. Why do i want to be happy you may ask. Well since it looks like I could live for awhile longer, maybe as much as 29 years (Since my Dad and Grandfather both died at 58)

So I am thinking of doing a few things. Number one I am thinking of dropping out of my Sunday night role playing game. (Please anyone who plays the game do not tell the GM I am thinking about it, he no longer reads my blog, and I need to tell him myself.) Its nothing against the game, but I need some time to myself, and maybe find a young lady. And I need to be able to have a steady time to hang out with her and things like that. And frankly I spend most of my Saturdays, and even fridays nights with these guys, that I think I am falling into a rut. And lets face it, I am not meaning this in a negative way or anything. Hanging out with gay men three days outof a week is not good for the heterosexual urges.

Next is my friend Phil. We discussed this weekend about going out to a bar some night in the near future. And the thing is, I think we would make good wing men for each other. Even Matt said it would be good for us to get together and have a straight guy night.

On other news I got reamed out sort of, by my best friends fiance. She wanted to know why I have not called her co worker back. It made me feel really guilty. I told the girl to call me, and I guess it is not good to have a girl call you only, plus I was never availiable on the weekend. (Which is kind of stupid since it would be a good time to talk to her if the ex husband had the kids) So another reason to clear up the Sunday schedule a bit. So supposedly she is going to call me (So said Ben) So we will see how that goes.

Also go t to see bank girl again on Saturday. Oh my sweet cheri, grrrrowwllll. She even used my name this time. And said she had not seen me in forever, and she explained to me about her class. So that made me feel good that she had not forgotten who I was. So maybe there is something there. But I am not holding out on it forever like I did before. I am too much of a coward with failed oppurtunities to put all my eggs in one basket any longer. I am pushing 30. Still it was just nice to see her.

Anywho I have babbled on for too long already, most of you are asleep by now and for that I truly sorry. Have a good night.

Robert

Things may need to Change

See I have been thinking over the last few days, about my lifestyle. Who I am and what changes i need to make in my life to get toward where I want to be. Happy. Why do i want to be happy you may ask. Well since it looks like I could live for awhile longer, maybe as much as 29 years (Since my Dad and Grandfather both died at 58)

So I am thinking of doing a few things. Number one I am thinking of dropping out of my Sunday night role playing game. (Please anyone who plays the game do not tell the GM I am thinking about it, he no longer reads my blog, and I need to tell him myself.) Its nothing against the game, but I need some time to myself, and maybe find a young lady. And I need to be able to have a steady time to hang out with her and things like that. And frankly I spend most of my Saturdays, and even fridays nights with these guys, that I think I am falling into a rut. And lets face it, I am not meaning this in a negative way or anything. Hanging out with gay men three days outof a week is not good for the heterosexual urges.

Next is my friend Phil. We discussed this weekend about going out to a bar some night in the near future. And the thing is, I think we would make good wing men for each other. Even Matt said it would be good for us to get together and have a straight guy night.

On other news I got reamed out sort of, by my best friends fiance. She wanted to know why I have not called her co worker back. It made me feel really guilty. I told the girl to call me, and I guess it is not good to have a girl call you only, plus I was never availiable on the weekend. (Which is kind of stupid since it would be a good time to talk to her if the ex husband had the kids) So another reason to clear up the Sunday schedule a bit. So supposedly she is going to call me (So said Ben) So we will see how that goes.

Also go t to see bank girl again on Saturday. Oh my sweet cheri, grrrrowwllll. She even used my name this time. And said she had not seen me in forever, and she explained to me about her class. So that made me feel good that she had not forgotten who I was. So maybe there is something there. But I am not holding out on it forever like I did before. I am too much of a coward with failed oppurtunities to put all my eggs in one basket any longer. I am pushing 30. Still it was just nice to see her.

Anywho I have babbled on for too long already, most of you are asleep by now and for that I truly sorry. Have a good night.

Robert

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Fate


Some People never believe in fate. But I was reading Post Secret, and I cried when I read this. Because How often have we felt we were not doing what we should be, and in turn helping someone else because we were there

Friday, September 22, 2006

How is everyone doing. I am doing okay. I was out driving to pick up a friend of mine from a meeting he had, and on the way I drove past my ex. I am not sure if she seen me, if she did I am sure she looked away before I even noticed her. It just feels weird passing by someone that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, and it is just so cold. I really do not think she even seen me.

Right now we are flooding, and tornado warnings. It sounds like it is pretty bad out in the streets of Evansville. I was going to go out to eat tonight and I cancelled. I was really in the mood for Huddle House, but everyone else has eaten there this week, so I was voted down.

I got my web cam for the Xbox 360 today. Looking at myself today I realize how bad I have a double chin, most of the time. And I need a haircut. I have not really used my web cam for much yet. I can not wait to hook up with Allan (Masta Chi3f) when he gets his in October. It will feel really weird seeing someone 3000 miles away and chatting with him on a "game console" How the world seems to get smaller and smaller.

I did talk to my bud in Colorada, Agrippa. He said he can not wait to get his Live Vision Cam also. I am wondering how well the web cam goes. They are pretty hard to get a hold of at the moment. I went to 6 different places to find mine. In fact I almost walked out of the only place I could find one, Best Buy, when they just happened to bring the box out with them.

Yeah still lonely. That just does not go away. I miss having that someone there with me. I am just not sure what i can do to change the current circumstance. It really gets frustrating when i have tried all personals ads and myspace, and I can rarely get a girl to respond back to me. Talk about a low blow to the ego. Its not like I am going for the 130 pound hotties. I am not that attracted to those kind of girls anyway.

I guess its just not the right time for me.

How is the work on my role playing game coming. Great. I have been filling up my notebook with things about my game world. Even knew concepts that I discover that i never thought of before.

I have to work in the morning tomorrow. The plus is that i may get to see bank girl, but at this point does it really matter. If she was that interested in me I am sure she would have wondered over to the video store. I mean its right across the street. Talk about a huge let down for me. After the birthday card incident. I mean if she did not know I was interested in her, how could she not after the card. So yeah, I guess it is really over. Life goes on and on.

Someone stole the Oil filler cap off my car. I know they had to of. I put oil in the car last week before I left my mom's apartment. I know i put the cap back on... at least i think i put the cap back on <:( Okay, its possible no one stole it, but so i don't look like a dunce I am going to think to myself the jackass that drives the same car as i did lost his and stole mine. Yup... thats it.

Recommended reading time.

Dies the Fire, by S.M. Stirling.
Its a novel about a flash of light in the sky, and afterward, all things quit working. No guns, No automobiles, Air planes fall right out of the sky. And total lawlessness take over. The characters are the most realistic people I have ever read. You feel sorry for them as they try to survive in a world that has gone back all the way to the dark ages overnight. And then they began to starve. Its a trilogy, the other 2 books are The Protector's War, and Meeting at Corvalis. The second one I am close to finishing, and the last one I got from the library and they will have to pry it from my cold dead fingers to get it back before I finish it.

I really recommend these books. I could not imagine having to learn to farm, and keep people safe from the stuff in this book. And the scary thing is that so far, they never even come up with a cause for why it happened in the first place.

I would have to try to keep people safe. Its my nature if something like this were to happen, I would keep those around me the safest i could. But I hope nothing like this ever does happen.

Anyway, sorry about the long post. I am going to take a bath, and read some more. Then probably play some Godfather, or Test drive unlimited. I am closing in on that 8000 acheivement points dammit.

Have a good night

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Game Day

So I had decided to start writing my own game, along with fiction and other items. Well I had wrote a little fiction, and I am pretty happy with it. But then I really got motivated this weekend.

I role play, I am not ashamed to admit it. I grew up playing D & D and moved on to other stuff, and even introduced my ex into it also. She like only one game but she at least tried to play. I am an adult and yes i still play role playing games, I have said it.. and now I am attempting to write one to sell.

Well Saturday night, Jesse was late to our game. He is the actual story teller for the game so, we were just sitting there waiting on him. So Josiah, and Bryan were just sitting there.

"We need something to do while we wait on Jesse." Bryan Said. He tried to convince me to run something to waste time. Just off the top of my head. Then he kept saying I should run my game as a trial run. And to test the ideas of the game, they would play themselves.

Finally I broke down and started my narative. It was called Narrative gaming, basically I was pretty much letting them do in game what they wanted. So far as they fit into the confines of my world.

They actually enjoyed thereselves. And it really made me feel good. Because I have not really felt like running a game since my divorce. I just had never really felt that gaming omphhh.

Well when Jesse got there, he seemed interested in playing my game also. So we just went with it. And I have not had that much fun role playing in a long time. I was worried there at first because Josiah did not seem to want to play, but It had to do with more of him wanting to play Jesse's game because he had plans for his character.

I second guess myself alot. So i thought I had a good idea, but I never know if people are telling me thetruth or just trying to keep from hurting my feelings. It seemed everyone enjoyed it. I think Josiah would enjoy it to if we were playing it on a different night and interrupting an already established game.

I know most of you really do not care about this, but for me this is really good for me.

Next week I am running it on Saturday again. As long as bryan and Josiah show up, Jesse is going to a theme park, so he may not be back till after 7, so I can run people throughg the rules system I have created.

Anyway guys, Have a good night.

Robert

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Sex is good (Well i guess it is if you are getting it)

I got asked today, how long it had been since I have had sex. And It actually took me a while to rember how long it had been. It has almost been a year and a half since I have had sex. And I can honestly tell you that it is getting to me.

I mean, what is up with me. Its like until I was asked that question, I had kinda just not really care. I had been living my life from week to week, and somehow it just kept going, and I realized, what the fuck. Or more important, When the fuck.

How can this lovely bit of man not get any loving. Okay I kid. But I have to admit that it just feels akward. Hell i can not even sucsessfully ask a girl out. I am so afraid now that if I ever have sex again I will have forgoten how. Lets face it, I was never that good at it to begin with.

I guess it is a daunting challenge since there have only been 2 women I have had sex with, and its only been 1 since 1998. ughh, I realize that I will be thirty next year. 30. And what do i have to show for it. Nothing. I lost my wife, my dogs, my truck.

And then today I hear the most heartbreaking story from a friend of mine. He went out to a bar the other night. This is a big guy, but also tall. He is not any bigger than me honestly. And he stands at the bar, says hi to a lady. Who then Scoffs at him.

Man that has got to make me want to get out there and live it up. Then later that night he has some drunk bitch come up to get a drink, and I guess he made eye contact with her. She told him to "loose some weight." How fucking rude is that.

I have got to get out there, I have got to do soemthing its really pathetic. I am really sick of being lonely. I have actually discovered stuff about myself, and frankly I am bored with only me. I ready to give some one a chance to be with me.

LOL

Anyway.

Talk to you later

Robert

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The Quiet man Speaks

Sorry guys, been on a small hiatis. Weird work schedule throws off my writing schedule. But since I have a day off tomorrow, I thought I would spout off a little bit tonight.

So what have a been up to lately. Well if you have been reading my Xbox blog, you know I have been playing alot of Saints Row. I am having a blast with my Grand Theft Auto clone. But you guys do not come here for my views on the world of video games.

Also it seems that I have a little bit of a creative juice flowing. For the last three years i have had an idea for a novel. Think of it as Stephen King's Dark Tower, mixed with a little of the bible and divided by Lost

(Dark Tower + Bible)/ Lost= My novel

Well I had mentioned it to a friend (Josiah). I told him about it, and told him i thought about creating a role playing game around it. Then simply forgot about it. Well now I have brought it up again, and everyone seems very interesting in it. Friends are giving me ideas, and we kind of had a few improtu brainstormings.

It has now become a group effort. This may be the reason we as friend were all drawn in together, because we all contribute to it. So we are going to see how far we take this. I am not expecting to make any money off of it, but I have to say, if my friends are any indication of how popular this game could be then we could see something from it. Let you know more as this preggesses, but i have to admit when people tell me it sounds like a great concept, I feel like i have already accomplished something.

Friday night I got home from work around 12:30 am, and chatted online with one of the most beautiful women I have never met. She let me read some of her poetry, and it was damn good. We discussed how we as writers are our greatest critics. And its very true. She strokec my ego a little bit telling me that she thought I was a very talented writer. It felt good to hear that. Its the only thing I ever felt I was good at. I wish I was not so hard on myself. Evertime I put words to screen, I always feel i could do better.

But that you Beautiful Lady for your wonderful commentary Friday night, it made me feel a lot better.

On to other things. No news on my love life. It seems bank girl has went back to college, and is no longer working Tuesdays anymore. So who knows how often I will see her now.

Have not heard from Misty. I think our schedule were too conflicting. It happens, she has two kids and they should always be the focus in a parents life. But hey I am doing good, I want someone to share my life with, but I am living life as it comes.

Been watching Season 2 of Lost. I rented it from work. I have already seen every episode but I wanted to watch them all again before Season 3 starts. IN OCTOBER, what the hell are they thinking... I need my lost fix gosh dammit.

So I think I am going to get off of this computer, and watch me some Lost. I hope to speak to you guys real soon..

Later
Robert