Sunday, October 30, 2005

Holy Crap: Its the Weekend Roundup

So I get my haircut, i took Mandi out to eat Friday night. I had a real good time with her. She actually talk most of the time and I was abe to carry on a conversation. Which was good. After dinner we went to Wal mart, she needed to get a few things.

I actually held her hand. And it felt good. I was really in a good mood with her. So we left wal mart and she invited me up, and basically ruined 90% of the feelings developing when she lit up a joint.

God Damn it. But I remained calm. I could handle one joint. I acted like there was nothing bad. I was starting to actually like her company at that point. It did discourage me a little bit.

Well i left a little while later. I knew I was going to be up in the morning. We were going to the Maiyse Farm Market Annual Corn Maze. Yes folks, A place where a man can walk around lost in a corn field for 2 hours and not feel stupid.

Let me explain something that I am sure you guys may have heard me say before. I am a straight male, who now has a pletheorah of friends who are homosexual. Also they are not the type of gay men who become offened at every coment you make about them being gay. Just like I dont mind some of the stuff they say to me in a joking maner.

Keep in mind on this journey, I am outnumbered, which Matt brings up almost immediately. The other straight guys declined to roam around in the corn fields. I was the only straight guy surrounded by 5 gay me. I replied I hope its not a Corn hole in the corn maze.

Anyway before we left for the corn maze. Another Couple that i had not met before were invited along also. Will and Brad. Brad is also deaf, so he kind of stayed at the back of the group so he would be able to keep his eyes on everyone so he would not get lost. It was very interesting to see people comminicate with sign language.

So we took a few pictures. This is Jesse try to see how tall he was. (Keep in mind that he is not short, the Sign itself is about 1.5 feet of the ground)

We continued into the maze. We were given a map and a pencil to fill out a paper, to decipher some great and hidden message. Along the way we did come to the bridge. An area where you could climb up on to see your way around the maze. Matt decided to take a picture of everyone upon the bridge.

I got my camera back, and took a picture from the bridge, and below is Jesse and Jeff.

Well we finally gather all the clues together on the paper, while Jesse and Jeff use there brain power to figure out this elusive code.

What could it be, could it be a scientific formula. A way to fee d the starving in Africa. Could it be the winning numbers for the next powerball drawing. Much Head scratching insued, while Matt looks on in the background.

Frankly it was about as disappointing as "Drink more Oveltine". All it was, Maise Farm Market.
Jeff was a little heartbroken. We finally camed him down enough as we exited the maze. And we wanted to commerate this momentous task that had been our Saturday afternoon. So we took a picture of everyone at the Exit sign.

So after that I left them and went off to Mandi's party. I figured it would not be bad, although i was disappointed by her actions. I figured the party would not be bad. Surely there would not be a lot of pot smoking and stuff tonight with her friends and family .


It was worse. Her brother, his friend (who i am 90% certain is about 5 months pregnant) and Mandi where all taking Bong hits. Now i dont know much about drug use. So i am not sure what is worse, doing it from a bong or smoking an actual joint. I was disturbed at the pregnant girl, and could not believe that Mandi would sit there and hand a bong to a pregnant girl after the way she reacts to planned parenthood commercials about the after morning pill that they play on the radio.

Well they do this for a few minutes, and then put the bong away. We sit around and talk. Another group of her friend show up, and out comes the joints. No one makes the mistake of passing them to me, so i get the feeling she told them that i will not partake and not to offer me one. SO we order pizza after the last group of her friends arive. (Her cousin and his girlfriend that I had met and ate dinner with previously) Neithier of them smoke anything eithier.

After pizza, the bong comes out one more time. At this point I knew I had to leave. this was very destructive to my image of her. Even though i was told I could stay the night if i got to wasted, I had only 2 drinks and I did not want to stay any longer. About 8;30 I decide to was time to take off.

I though about calling her today and telling her that i could not see her anymore. She is on a destructive path, and its been this way since her brother moved in. then again i am so used to saving people that maybe thats why I am here. But you cant save someone who does not want to be saved. I will not lose my heart. If i decide to continue seeing her, I will never marry someone like her in her current state. If something every truly develops out of this then she will have to give up the drug use. I will not loose my heart to someone who cant deal with her own problems.

So I went back to Matt and Jeff's house. Reeking of cigarette smoke. matt smelled it as a walked in the door to their house. Jarrod and josiah had made it over by that point. Jesse and Jarrod were making cookies in the kitchen. Homemade cookies.From Scratch.

I was kind of bummed out after the party, and I told them I thought about calling her and telling her I could not see her anymore. I think they took my misery as heart break when it was more exhaustion and disaapointment that anything. I am not really heart broken, i was not in love with her.

Matt tried to cheer me up at one point by Waltzing with me on the way to the kitchen. Which was just hilarious. But the look on Josiah's face was priceless. He looked at me like he just seen me vote for John Kerry. I had to explain to him I was not going to the dark side. Which jarrod replied from the kitchen, Dont you mean the pink side. The entire house erupted into laughter. Around 12:30 I came home, and set my clocks back an hour

I did call Mandi earlier, but I did not bring anything up about her habits. I guess i will have to do some soul searching on that. It was just for that Friday night, i felt like I was not going to be alone. maybe I have to many high expectation of life from someone who does not see himself having any value. I don't know. I am still sticking to that thing about God punishing me for something. i guess i will just have to ride out the storm.


Friday, October 28, 2005

4-Day Weekend

Wow here is a rarity for me. I Have a four day weekend starting today. All though I have a lot of stuff to accomplish in this time, its still a four day wekend. So first on my agenda is to get laundry done. (That task is almost half completed)

After I move laundry from washer to dryer, I will go get my hair cut. Then maybe put some new pics up of me on my blog. I then checked with my landlord, and I was told that rent is not sue until the 5th, which means I dont have to pay rent this check, I can wait til next week. Which means that i have a little cash.

so i thought about calling Mandi later and seeing if she would want to grab something to eat after she gets out of work. As a nice suprise. Since she is having a party tomorrow night, and supplying some kind of liquor. (Although I will probably not drink anyway. And Lukrativ I know what you are going to say, get her drunk and fuck the shit out of her. I can not do that so dont even start, I can not take advantage of a drunk women)

Tomorrow at some point, Jarrod, Jesse, Josiah, Jeff, Matt and I are going to a corn maze. I am not so sure what is exciting about a corn maze but hey its something to do.

I was invited to go to a GWAR concert on saturday night, or sunday night cant remember. But I am not a fan of gwar so i passed. Besides Josiah's car hates me. i am to fat for the seat belts in back.

The role playing Guild is having its Halloween party Sunday, I may go to that. Not sure though. Burdette park has a lot of memories for me and the ex wife. I am afraid i will be depressed if I go there. There are just someplces in this twon my heart will not let me go still. I hate it, but its sometimes harder to face those ghost than face real life. But I may really want to go anyway, we have to see.

Monday I got jack and squat to do. Probably play Xbox all day. Or clean up my apartment. I may actually do that tonight.

On a funny note, my phone was ringing yesterday morning at 9:00 am. I had to close the night before and came home and played Xbox til 2 AM. I looked at the caller id. It said Unknown. So I just decided not to answer it. Well it stopped ringing, and I was going to sit down to watch tv.

It started ringing immediately again. So I was sure it was important this time. So I picked it up.

UNKNOWN: "Helllllllooooo Fat boy" Histarcicaly laughter in the back ground. I knew who it was as soon as he said that. My Xbox live buddy from London. Allan (Masta Chi3f) He had asked for my phone number because in case he ever needed to get a hold of me when I was not online. He just had to figure out how to do.

Now he is one of the only people that can get away with calling me fat boy. I think its funnny when he says it. I dont find it insulting, because Im always made jokes of how I was a fat guy when we talked online. Okay his brother can get away with it also. And a few others on XBOX live I just dont like it in person.

Also we were talking yesterday. They were going to fly over to the states and meet me next summer, then they decided it would just be cheaper to fly me over there, and we could spend a week getting to meet everyone on Xbox livethat I play with, plus we would be 30 minutes outside of London. I could actually get to see a big foregin city. So I need to get me a passport.

Plus I dont have to pay for a hotel or anything cause I will be staying with them. So I t could be awesome. So I have something to look forward to next year. I never thought I would have a reason to go to another country, but now I do. Hell who knows, i may never come back.


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Another theft of ideas.

I stole this of Oh So wonderfuls site, who stole it from someone else, who more than likely made it up theselves (Yeah right, these ideas are passed around more than a playboy bunny at an orgy)

So you pick a search engine, and the type in your name, and the then the word needs. Then copy down what pops up. So here we go.

Everyone of these statements needs to start with Robert Needs

-a sanctuary, periodic retreat from the world and long luxurious baths. (Wow all i can say is that is very true.)

-very attentive supervision
in situations where strangers or others could take advantage of his need ... (wow thats just creppy)

- a family who will participate with Robert in his interests

- to be remembered

-a good night's sleep, just like the rest of us

-most right now is OUR PRAYERS (man that is just funny)

-a title, position, influence, authority and paycheck to go with his position,


-to strengthen reading comprehension skills ...

-our support, not punishment ...


-help to enhance his self-esteem and social skills ... (Wow, who would believe that)

-to quit picking his nose

-to represent

-his nails done and Dana directs him to the polish remover ..

-a wife with a large dowry (Sigh, if only)

-to keep the tool in the box and stop doing Meredith's sister for one ...(wow I hope that is taken out of context)

-Robert needs her.) ...

-to be kicked in the nads also (Umm just for the record no i dont)

-to change his boyfriend to a girlfriend. ... (WTF is this all about)

-some Robert-time, preferably spent with some good >books on moral philosophy.

-a red light on his head since he is so high up (okay again wtf)

-to dye his hair red ..

-volunteers to help with the car wash and to help with the pancake ... (Yum, pancakes)

-this word (as well as adultery and fornication)

-funny trousers.

-to stop saying such nasty things about women ...

-to kill himself!

-to stop acting like hes the sexiest guy in the world ... (but damn I am smoothe)

Its amazing what you can find just by typing it. Its a funny little exercise, I hope you enjoy doing it also.

I hope someone else tries this cause its funy to see what pops up.

Monday, October 24, 2005

What am I saying and Jarrod, Josiah and Rob go to White Castle.

Okay, the other night i spent about 35 minutes or so writing my blog novel. When i write it I dont, I do it in the Microsoft word program, then copy and paste it to my blogger page.

Well I was typing away. I normally have to write by staring at the ckeybard because I can not really type, well i spent all this time writing. It was a great chapter, I thik it was the best writing I have done in 6 months. I felt like the words were just flowing through me. I am about have way through writng what I wanted to accomplish. When I looked up at the monitor.

I see a little box on my screen. Error report sent. Sometime between the begining of a paragraph and the end, I had an error and it was asking me to send the report. I did not see this staring at the keyboard. I could do nothing, it wiped out everything I was writing. All of it. I have to start that entire chapter over, and I dont think I could match what i had written. I felt like I could cry.

So then I start to blog about it Saturday night when i got home from work. It was late but I just wanted to do a blog post. So I typed about all kinds of fun things plus, the incident with my writing disappearing. Well when I go to post it. It says blog not found.

I hit the back button on my browser, and I go back to my previous page. Everything I had just writen was gone, except for the title. It was a long post. So i have to admit it was very frustrating.

So what the hell was I writing that the someone did not want me to post. It was funy in a way but it was just frustrating.

Speaking of frustrating, Mandi did come by and see me at work yesterday. And had called me on Saturday on my way to work. So I guess she dows think about me. I am still going to her party on Saturday.

Now to something else.

We watched Saw over at Matt and Jeff's last night. Josiah and Jarrod began to talk about the movie Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. They mentioned that we should have a white castle night. Where go to the white castle and watch the movie (Author Note: We only got a white castle here in Evansvile Last year.)

Suddenly the stars aligned, a thought bubble into Josiah's head...

Image hosted by

How about tonight.

Image hosted by

Yum, White Castle Jarrod replied.

And so we wnt to white castle. Rented the movie and had what Jarrod called, A night to recharge our Hetero batteries. This morning I remember why I hate hate White Castle. I am just really sorry for Jarrod, I only had 5 of them. Jarrod had I believe 20 of them.

I bet he is not having a good day.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

I am an Official Survivor

Cool Quiz. The Zombie Survival Test.

Official Survivor

Congratulations! You scored 81%!

Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the
right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere.
Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 54% on survivalpoints

Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test


Stole this from another site and thought I would share it with you guys.

>>For each of the following things, put an X in the parenthesis
>>before it if you've done it.
>>Copy and repost as a bulletin.
>>Have you ever...

(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
(X) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight (well, no fist, but it sure was a fight.)

( ) snuck out of parent's house (i was a good kid.)
(x ) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
(x ) made out with a stranger
(x ) gone on a blind date

(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone die

( ) had/have a crush on one of your MYSPACE friends (Does Audrey count :) lol)
( x) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
( ) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar

( ) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
( ) been moshing at a concert

( ) been in an abusive relationship
( ) taken painkillers
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel

( ) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
( ) played dress up

(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school

( ) used a fake ID (i had someone else's id for a few weeks once, never used it tho.)
(x) watched the sun set
( X) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake

(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer/goat

(x) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car accident

( ) had braces
( X) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight (hm, sounds romantic.)

(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes

( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying

(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
( ) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins

(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) kissed in the rain

(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach

( ) crashed a party
( ) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
( ) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey

( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed "penis" in class
( X) ate dog food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them

(x) sang in the shower
( ) have a little black dress
( ) fucked in a park
( ) fucked in the bathoom
(x) had a dream that you married someone
( X) glued your hand to something

( ) got your toungue stuck to a pole
( ) kissed a fish
(X ) worn the opposite sexes clothes (Its a long story about a french maid outfit and the ex wife I dont want to get into)

( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top (Of a van)

( ) had sex at a church
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night

( ) didnt take a shower for a week
( ) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(X) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone

(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes (combined w/ my sis, sure. 15 were chuck taylers at that.)
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school
( ) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch

( ) played chicken fight
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused

( ) caught a fish then ate it
(X) made porn
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed

( ) mooned/flashed someone
( ) had someone moon/flash you
( ) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name

(x) slept naked
( ) French braided someones hair
( ) gone skinny dippin in a pool (does half-nekkid count?)
( ) been kicked out of your house

Friday, October 21, 2005

Annoyed as Hell

Okay i dont ask for much. I have been dating Mandi for over 5 months. I have gotten no sex, no kiss, nothing. I have probably spent over $500-$1000 on dating here in this time. I am not really adamant about sex. But right now I am fucking annoyed.

You see, she has called me from work several times over the last few days. And I mean actually talked. Not hi, how are you gotta run, bye. I mean actually answered questions and carried on a conversation. We laughed and joked and kid.

She invited me again to her Halloween party. A week from tomorrow. I told her I still planned on coming, as long as I was off, and todah I am. So I call her last night, she answers the phone. She has caller id, I call at the same time every night. If you dont want to talk with me just dont answer the phone. She answers. i talk for a few minutes and she asks me if she can call me back.

No problem. I have nothing to do anyway, call me back. I hang up the phone. I get one call that night, and it aint from her. Its my ex wife with a computer problem. I try to help her, but fail to help her. I get off the phone with her and continue to wait.

So lets flash forward to today. I figured that she would not call me during her work today. Its a very busy job on a Friday especially after her help quit. So I was not perturbed.

What annoys me, its now 8:00 PM and she still has not called me. Yes I could call her but I am not going to. You see she was going to call me back. And its the sheer principal of the matter that, I made the effort to contact her, and she told me she would call me back. So yeah i am a little annoyed. Borderline pissed.

I may call her tomorrow, or I may not. At this point I dont really care. If i do call her back, she will be spending time with me in the future or its off. Her old assitant manager is coming back to work for her on Wednesday. So now I will not have to hear excuses like, I am too tired to come over, or other bull shit.

She has been so damn flaky since her brother moved in that i dont know what to do. I think her brother may drag her down the path to self destruction. He is a pot head, and a drug abuser and I am a little afraid she may fall into bad habits again.

I just get sick of the mixed signals. It drives me insane. Ughhh. I want someone dependable. Not someone who just calls me when her brothers not around cause she is bored. You know i actually want her to come over to my place. Watch movies, make out, sex whatever. I miss the touch of someone, anyone. So i am frustrated, anger, and have not really been in a happy go lucky mood all week. And hell i have been on vacation.

Its resons like this that I defniately miss marriage. Whether anybody else believes that or not its your quandry. Why the hell do i never get the woman that knows I am a great guy and understands I am like an onion,(or an ogre) I have layers and on the top, I want to know you are thinking about me at least once a fucking day.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Another Blog on Another Day

Here it is Thursday, and I have been off all week, and I have not blogged one time. I am not sure why, just have not felt up to doing anything. I am having one of those blah moments in life. No motivation, constant wanting to be left alone. Just like hiding in my own dark cloud.

What is causing this, nothing I can really put my finger on. Well i think it started on Saturday when I invited Mandi over to my apartment. I had rented 3 movies, I had cleaned up my aprtment. I had bought Mountain Dew, because its what she likes to drink. Well at least what she likes to drink when it contains no alchol. I had cancelled plans with my friends a week ahead of time because I knew I wanted to try to do something with her. I even was going to order a pizza.

I knew she had been having some stress filled moments at work. She only works with one other person, however her help quit last week, so she has had to work 6 day in a row with no break. I knew she gets off on Saturday early, and is off on Sunday.

Now dont get the wrong idea, i was not trying to inviite her over for the sole intensive purpose of doing the bedroom Olympics. I just wanted to spend a few hours with her, enjoy a movie and sit on the couch.

She has two minpin dogs, and she has never seen a minature pinscher calendar. When I was walking through the mall the other day. I seen one of the mall kiosk had one. It was 15 bucks, but I thought what the hell. She was having a bad week. I bought her one. It was late so i just went over and put it and a card on her windshield of her car.

She seemed bright and happy when she called about it. It was good to bring joy to a woman.

So when i asked her over. She told me no, she wanted to go home and get drunk. I told her okay no big deal, we could do it dome other time. I was kind of hurt. She always stays home on Saturday nights anymore. I was going to take her out to eat and to the movies and see Serenity, but she turned me down. We ended up just going out to eat.

She did come see me at work that day.But its not the same. I mean its better than nothing. I guess. I am just sure how this is really going, I get mixed signals. I think I am making headway, and I get a barriar. I start to pull away a bit and she wants to hold my hand at the resturaunt.

SO then on Monday I went and seen Serenity by myself. It was an okay movie. I think I was a little disappointed because I had listened to everyone talk it up. But I was on vacation. There were only three of us in the theater. Thats just a lonely experience in itself.

Tuesday I went to see THE FOG with my mom and Ben. I did not care much for it. I tought it was the same type of ghost horror movie we see all the time. The same story has been written 300,123 times. I mean i guess I should have known it was a remake of another movie.

I got invited out to go to one of the local clubs out here by the guy I bought my car from. He said i needed to get my ass out and date. He told me to go out there with him on a Tuesday Night and he would hang out with me. He isa nice guy, I am just not sure I have never really gone clubbin. He told me he was sure one of the Hunnys would want to hook up with me out there. LOL

Yesterday I sat around and played xbox, nothing exciting there. Tonight I need to go grab some groceries, but just not been to motivated. I went by work to pick up my check and listened to Luke tell me I just needed to poke Mandi and get it over with. He kept getting annoyed cause the ex was text messaging me. He kept telling me to let him respond I told him to go away.

then I get a text message fro Sarah, that our divorce never happened, they can not find anything on it at the court house. She lost her divorce decree, and she needed it to change her name on her license and get a new SS card. They finally did track it down, so she was releaved i'm sure.

Well not much is going on I am going to cut out of here, also Chapter 3 is up to the novella. Everyone have a good night.


Monday, October 17, 2005


Hey I just want to stick up another friend of mines website. I have not known this guy very long but he buys me lots of beer, and sometimes he is the only friend I have when it comes to politics. (usualy the only other pure Bush supporter in the house).

He has some funny shit on his page. I dont condone everything he says but Iwould say I would not mess the pit stygian known as love for any force in the Universe.

Oh he also took a questionaire, and put the results on the website, so i touht I would tak the same questionaire.

His page is
  • Josiah, Clockwork Beast

  • 1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
    L. Frank Baum writer of the Wizard of OZ

    2. Where was your first kiss?
    In my bedroom, when I was 20 by a girl who was a whore. Well at least she had some of the same traits

    3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
    We stole a heavy chain from a farmhouse when I was 8 for a clubhouse

    4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
    I one time punched my ex wife in the nose accidentally when she leaned over to kiss me when i was asleep

    5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
    I was in Choir in high school from 7th to 9th grade

    6. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
    I am a boob man. I love boobs

    7. What really turns you on?
    Umm.. boobs i think I was very clear on that one

    8. What do you order at Starbuck's?
    A large vanilla expresso i think.

    9. What is your biggest mistake?
    Not keeping my wife happy

    10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
    Nope. I let other people try to hurt me backyard wrestling does that count

    11. Say something totally random about yourself.
    Flat ass

    12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
    Yes, lets say I have been called, DrewCarey, Kevin JAmes(Not so much), and Dilbert from the comic strip

    13. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
    Disney movies hell yeah. And I seem to watch alot of cartoons at M & J home

    14. Did you have braces?
    NOpe thats why I have ugly teeth

    15. Are you comfortable with your height?
    I wish I were a little taller.

    16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
    bought me a pick up truck for xmas

    17. When do you know it's love?
    i'll get back to you on that one

    18. Do you speak any other languages?
    Parda quo amon I think its french

    19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
    Nope pasty white with suntan arms is how we do it in the south

    20. What magazines do you read?
    Electronic Gaming Monthly, Cosmo, if they have new stuff about sex.

    21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
    Once, on the way to the cemetary to bury my father

    22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
    My dad, i had grandparents on my moms side, but after what they did to my dad they desrve to rot for all I care

    23. Do you watch MTV?
    Only if there is something good on... like pimp my ride (j/K)

    24. What's something that really annoys you?
    Blockbuster customers

    25. What's something you really like?
    Xbox, and sex.

    26. What celebrity do you admire?
    Ummm, we should admire them. i thought we just fun of them for being short

    27. Can you dance?
    Well there was this time i tried to dance with my wife, and dip her... She feel on the floor and hurt her ankle

    28. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
    About 19 hours i wrote about it in another blog post.

    29. Ever lied to your parents as an adult?

    30. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?

    31. Do you actually read these things when other people fill them out?

    Okay there you go. Everyone have a great night.


    I just woke up here at 4:33 AM. My heart feels ripped open and empty again. Cruel fate has caught me off guard again. I can still feel her skin beneath me, i can still taste her salty sweat upon my lips. I made love to my wife again.

    Only to have my dream fade to wake up alone. Nothing had changed, My dreams even work against me.So I just woke up and I already feel empty.

    Wednesday, October 12, 2005

    The Test

    Okay so i took my post office test today. It was not as long as I thought it was going to be. The worst thing about the test was everyone else taking it. I mean come on its the 21st century. I mean I know we dont have the Jetson's flying car or anything, but do we really need to take 20 minutes to explain how to fill in a bubble test. Literally we had to sit there while Jane doe, spelled her name out, and then bubbled in the 7 letters.

    If they would ust hand people the test when they came in the door and told everyone to fill out there name and bubble it in before the test we cut down half the time we had to be there.

    Then tell me this. Why we have to answer smaple questions in the booklet, and then turn around 2 minutes later and do a practice test. I mean come the fuck on. Sorry about the language, but please. I was missing playing XBOX because bill cant figure out how if the answer is a to fill in circle a, sheesh.

    I think I did really well on the test. At one point on filling everything out they ask you for your race and gender, but it was purly optional. I almost did not fill this part out. I know for a goverment job they look to fill a minority quato. They told us that filling this info out was not going to hurt your chances. Not to sound racist or anything, but I felt like I would have a better chance of getting an interview if they did not know I was a white male.

    But I filled in the bubble for Caucasian, white non-hispanic (Thats exactly what it said.)

    So on the the test, i kept waiting for them to call a potty break, I was squirming pretty good near the end, (it had been nearly 4 hours since I had went to the restroom.) No avail.

    So I got throught the last part of the test in about 20 minutes, I was actually the first one done. It was one of those strongly agree, strongly disagree type personality profiles. The expected wait for a return of your test results is 8 weeks, so a few days before Xmas I should be able to figure out what i scored.

    All in all I think I did extremely well. I went in with a confidence man grin baby. I am usually really good at taking these kinds of test. I once did so well at a test at Gibbs die casting (a factory where my mother works) that they had actually put me in the do not hire folder, because I scored so flipping high. You see it was one of those test that they want the average scorers because they believe them to stay longer.After not getting a call back for along time, my mother asked her boss what had happened. Thats how we found out why they never hired me.

    So i made my rounds of contacting everyone. I called mom, then I IM Audrey, and called Mandi. Text messaged Sarah, and still have yet send a message to Allan.

    I talked to Mandi on the phone for almost an hour tonight. Telling her what happened and everything. I did hear an intersting story of run away shopping cart, going down an incline in front of her buisiness, doing about 30 mph into the old Wal Mart parking lot.

    Mytoe hurts worse today, probably because of the standing on it for so much today.

    Oh by the way. If you guys drink mountain dew or no anyone that does, they are having a contest that they are giving away an XBOX 360 every 10 minutes from now until October 31. If you drink mountain dew and are not interested in this contest please send me the codes off your bottle cap. I need an XBOX 360 and you people love me right? Right?

    It just a little code on the bottle caps, you can email. I dont want to sound like I am begging or anything, but it would be nice. frankly my blood sugar would sore if I consumed to much mountain dew and no body wants that. So you see you are actually saving a dear friend.

    Also EPZ I have not done your reading yet, but hold tight I may do it tomorrow, I cant tonight because of LOST. Nothing competes with Lost not even sex, xbox, or MAndi (I actually had her call me psycho because of my obsession.)Okay, I am guessing I would miss it for sex, but only if I could tape it. The show, not the sex. Everyone who watches themselves on tape having sex looks like polar bears wrestling, what thats another LOST refrence. My Head hurts. I gotta go.

    Man you guys are getting my best week of post yet. Three days in a row.



    Okay so I get a call from my boss today. He needs someone to take his car to Henderson. Where I was born and raised. This is really not the important part of the story, as you can read it on his web site.

    Also keep in mind I do not condone or endorse any of his comments on his blog

  • Lukrativ, My boss' blog

  • What i want to talk about though is this. Luke may do stuff that I dont agree with. He may say stuff that is crude. But today I got to see him interact with his son. I am not really suprised about how good he is with his son. I just thought it was nice to see a side of him not most get to see personally.

    I now he fought hard to get custody of his child, and has even thought he would have to fight hard to keep again later.

    His son's name is Austin, he is very shy. But I did get him to speak to me a little bit, I know that he is three, and that soon he will be four and after that he will be this many (5). I know he did not like my car, and corn dog bites taste good when dipped in mash potatoes. Why do I know this, because he made a point to tell me this.

    So it was not how I expected to spend an hour and a half of my day, but it actually felt nice to get out of the house, although it would have felt nicer If I had actually showered before hand.

    Tomorrow is the day of the big test. Poor Mandi is not going to get to take it. She called me today, i felt bad because I did not answer the phone. Not because I did not want to talk to her but because my ass fell asleep on the couch and I did not hear a thing. Thats 2 days she has called me from work in a row just to chat. I did call her back this afternoon. She was bummed that she could not take the test. And she did not offer up any good luck nookie either.

    I can honeslty say the nap I had today was wonderful. I have not sleep that deeply in a long time. Its rarely that someone calls me on my cell phone and my home phone and I sleep right through it.

    So the running count of people who care about me are.

    *Mandi- She wants me to call her when I get home to tell her how it went
    *Allan- My XBOX buddy from England wants me to be sure to send him a message over Xbox live to tell him how i did.

    Also next year Alan (Masta Chi3f) and his brother Mo Mon3y are coming over to see me. Which means at some point I am going to go spend time with them in London. Gosh and that would just be dreadfully awful to travel all the way over there to see them. (LOL)
    Then I can go to California because Audrey is going to show me the sites and short celebs of LA. Okay so I guess I could get to do some interesting things over the next couple of years.

    Tuesday, October 11, 2005

    Something Nice About the Ex Wife

    Okay I know I throw a lot of info about the ex wife. It mostly bad or how much i love her. But one day last week, or maybe the week before, she said something very nice to me.

    I had been at work all day. And my stupid ass left the parking light on in my car. So by the end of the day i had run the batery down to where my car would not start. I paniced

    I had no jumper cables and I was not sure if the next guy coming in would have any, much less if he would even still have his car, most of the time his wife drops him off. I am not good in situations where I can not get back home. I had a panic attack.

    Turns out the co worker had jumper cables, (After I had called Ben and he drove all the way over to help me out)I was able to get home that night.

    I was telling Sarah about the situation and she, asked why I did not call her. She would have helped me out. Now I opened my big mouth and said, "I cant keep calling you to bail me out of situations all the time. Its not your problem." I hurt her feelings, I tried to smoothe it over as soon as it left my lips because it sounded very harsh. Harsher than I would have liked.

    She said she had to go after that. Later KI knew she was mad when I sent her a text message to see how she was doing. She was really short with me. It was not just me that she was upset with, but I think that sometimes it bothers her that I try to do things for her, and that i turn down help from her. I am not sure why that is. I only turn down the help she offers because I always took advantage of the stuff she did for me. So in a way what i do for her is my trying to make up for the laziness that exhisted in our marriage from my point. That and i just honestly care for her.

    On a side note tonight I had a thought and laughed about it. See whenever I would be going to a job interview the next morning, i always got, Good Luck Nookie. Thats what she called it. I had to laugh, I loved good luck nookie. I am guessing there will not be good luck nookie tomorrow night since I am not in that stage with anyone, but I can still smile about it.

    The bad thing about good luck nookie was this. It always added more pressure to me. Because I wanted the better job to make her happy, not for myself. I like where I work, but this time around I am doing it for myself. I want this job for myself.

    on another side note, the only reason I got this job test was because of AMndi, and now she may not get to take the test because where she works, the other employee quit. So she wil have to work on wednesday. I feel bad about that. It is just not fair. But look at it this way, thats one white female that is not ahead of me. One down no telling how many more to go.


    Monday, October 10, 2005

    Broken Toes and Hot Air Ballons

    Okay I was planning on seeing Mandi tonight but her dad was on his way over so I was not going to get to see her. So I went over to MAt and Jeff's house tonight to watch family guy.

    Ughhh They did not have it on because of a baseball game. I mean do they not have entire channels to show this shit on. Why ruin everyone elses normal Sunday routine for a game that maybe 10 people are watching. We ended up watching some episodes of Firefly on DVD instead. After i ranted for 10 minutes on how much I hated sports. Which Jeff followed up with the coment, "Are you sure your not gay?"

    I broke my toe. I did it tonight. I would like to say I did it doing something heroic like saving a child from a burning house, kitten up a tree, had it run over by bank robbers as i chased them out of the bank. I did it, by dropping a bowl I was getting ready to fill with ice cream. The damn 5 pound ceramic bowl slipped out of my fingers and homed in out my middle toe on my left foot.

    I am now a proud owner of a black and blue toe. It hurts when I walk. It hurts to move it. ANd I have a job where I AM going to be up on it all night tomorrow. I am hping it will be better tomorrow.

    For some reason breaking my toe made me think of my dad. I think it had to do with the one time he broke his foot chasing our dog down a railroad track. ANd he hit the track and tripped breaking his Big toe.

    He lost three days of work for that. And he cussed that dog for several days. So I started to think about him tonight.

    He died in 2000, on December 16th. I have went over that story on this blog before. So i will not retell it. When i moved out of the house, I asked mom if I could have his flag. The one that had lay over his casket, for my apartment. It sits on my headboard in my bed room.

    I use to think my dad thought I was useless. I never liked working on cars. I was never good at doing the stuff he loved doing when he was my age. He would always yell at me when I did something wrong, because I just could not figure out how the hell to change the oil filter on my car.

    I see now that he never really did think of me as useless. He would sit at the table with us when we role played. He would make fun of me or say soething stupid, and just agrivate the piss out of me. I used to think it was because he thought what i was doing was a waste of time.

    It was not until later that I understood what it was. He wanted to be apart of my life. He told me before how impressed he was that I could come up with this stuff off the top of my head that made people have a good time. I was not the mechanically inclined son. I was the smart one.

    My dad was no idiot. Yet he knew how intelligent I reallly was. I think that is what made him proud. I never realized it until one day he seen someone he had not seen in a long time. We were working out of a stare warehouse, we sold old movies for a buck and built new stores for Blockbuster.

    The guy cam in and my dad talked to him. He introduced me again to this man. He told him, this here is my son, my boss. I never hada lick of trouble from him growing up. He was a good kid. I could not ask for better.

    I can remember two weeks before he died we were sitting at the break table. We were just talking. And I remember him saying something about wanting grandchildren before he died. I told him, Dont worry, Sarah and i are trying. Besides you are going to be around for a long time bugging the shit out of me.

    After his death, there was one thing I remember doing that he would have been proud of. When I was like 10, we were driving down a road, near a camping area we had bought (Here is something funny the camp spot is one we bought from Ben's stepdad, years befor I even met Ben).

    We pulled over because several cars were lined along this road because they were trying to take down a huge hot air ballon. They had to land it in a field nearby. My dad and about 10 other people took this thing down over an hour. I can still remmeber it to this day.

    A year or so after he died, a hot air balloon landed in a field out back of where we lived. I went to see what was going on. I spen the next hour taking it apart. I never felt so alive after I did that. I think it was neat getting to do something I remember my dad doing to help some one else.

    I regret not giving him his grandchildren. My biological clock is ticking away myself. I just dont know if it will ever happen or if it will even be possible.

    On another note, I am thinking of next sunday going to a singles dance. MAybe, you see i am not sure what age groups attend these things. I just have this horrible vision of it being full of people older than my mother.

    I have no clue where things are going to go with MAndi, so i am going to give this a shot because frankly I am not getting anywhere with personlas ads. So its either this or speed dating.

    And thats all considering if my toe is better in a week.


    Saturday, October 08, 2005

    Deleted Some Post

    I went through my blog and deleted some posts. Tothin out some things that may have not been the nicest to say. I kept some post in here for people to see what I have been going through. I am just trying to clear the attic of the heart.

    Not much going on, called Mandi last night. She was disappointed that I had to work on a Saturday night. She said, "They cant do that, its against the law. Its our date night." I am sure it was only a temporary inconveinence as I am off Saturday night again next week.

    usually I go over to Matt and Jeffs on Saturday nights to role play. I am thinking about giving that up for awhile. I want to actually spend some more time with Mandi. In a way I have not been totally fair to her. I spent to much time pining over my ex wife. Hoping that she would take me back. Everyone is right I need to move on. I love my ex with all my heart. And at least we have a freindship. I want more, but I really dont deserve more.

    I did a tarot card reading for Audrey the other day. I enjoy doing them, and I think I am pretty good. Audrey however was literally floored by her reading. I was so accurate, that it unsettled her. She said I figured out her deep dark secret and I am sworn to secrecy. I did however remind her that it was for entertainment purposes alone. So she should not act on anything I told her. I do not need to ruin another womans life.

    If anyone else wants a tarot card reading, I am open for doing so. I just have to have the time set aside to ro. The one for Aud took me an hour and a half. But least I have a template on how to send it now.

    It seems like I started the next blogger revolution. In the last few weeks I have inspired 4 people to start a blog. I am not sure yet if it was all a good thing. But least I have something to do in my spare time. I myself have a hard time to come up with crap to talk about.

    I do have to take a test on Wednesday for a post office job. I doubtful I will get it, but at least I can try real hard on the test. The only reason I got the oppurtunity is because Mandi gave me the number or I would never get to take the test.

    It is a 3.5 hour test. I am usually really good at taking these kinds of tests. So we shall see. I am just terrible at interviews. Its a confidence thing. I hear even if I do well on the test it takes a long time to decide to hire someone. I put my name in for this test almost 4 months ago. Just now getting the test.

    On to the timeline. Yesterday I have been dating Mandi for 5 months. We went on our first Date on May 7th, and we went and seen Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. And today.... Drumroll Please


    Its been 6 months today since the last time I had sex. I have gone a half a year without sex. Oh well, stuff happens. I was telling my ex wife this last night and she said maybe I should become a priest. Hardy-har-har-har.

    Also one more thing about the ex wife. Can we not call her things like Hoe and Tramp. If you want to say these things about her, send them to me in an email or tell me in person. She reads these blogs. I dont want to hurt her feelings. Okay. Please.