Saturday, May 28, 2005

What Movies Teach us of Real Life

Okay, everyone knows we learn nothing from movies. The Ugly pretty guy/girl in real life never gets the Captain of the Football team. The Handsome Movie star is never going to fall for the small town girl.

I watched Win a Date With Tod Hamilton again today. I love sappy love story movies and Iwas not quite depressed enough, so I decide to jump down the rabbit hole. Now I can not tell you how many smiles my wife had, I would guess about 3. One when she was happy, one when she was lying to someone else, and one when she was lying to me. She was using smile number one when the lawyer tore into me at court the first time. Anyway that is not what I am getting at today.

The bartender in this movie said there were 3 kinds of love. Love, Big Love, and Great Love. She then goes on to explain the way to tell them apart is this. Love takes 2 weeks to get over, Big Love takes 2 years, and Great love you never get over. Now I know my my wife to me was Great Love, because in my heart I never wanted to be with anyone else but her. So when great love is rejected, that person must run away. Screw that, the movie had me up intil that point.

A few days after my wife moved out, she had asked me when I was moving out of the house. I told her I had no money and I was not going anywhere, it was my house. (I was trying to get her to come home still because I was still under this delusion she would.)

She asked if I had called the place where I use to live. Now this was insulting to me. When she met me I lived in a trailer park. A dumpy trailer park, and I may have been white trash when she found, or at least that is what her family and her may have percieved me as. I was not going back into that trailer park.

A few weeks ago my best friend told me the old trailer that I grew up in was being sold for $50. $50 and she wanted me to buy that in move into after we just bought us a 2 story/basement home. She wanted me to move out and let her have the house, and me to move back to the dump that she found me in when I met her. That I find low.

So what i am getting at here is this. If she was great love to me. Then what was I to her. I was not great love cause she doesnt want me back. I was not big love cause it has not taken her 2 years to get over me. I was not even love because she got over me in less the 2 weeks.

So where did they leave me. Unless she has been faking loving me for the past 2 years, and now knew she needed out.

So I am doing what everyone who had found great love does and is rejected. I am licking my wounds, for how ever long it takes, and then move on to something that will not be Great Love. Cause great loves only come along once in your life. And I just was not her Tad Hamilton.

Later Guys

I feel Like I got Some Sleep

Woohoo, I got a little break from my insomnia and was able to get in a good 7 hours of sleep, and I feel much better now. So good in fact I am going to do my geek stuff tonight. I am going to role play with my friends.

I have not been out with them to the Ol' Comic Quest and feel that it would be great to catch up with them. Other than that I am not up for much.

I delievered the soon to be ex her bills yesterday, in a large brown envolope and stuck it into the after hour rent box. Inside was also a short note asking her how she was feeling, how were the dogs, and how was softball. Lets just say I did not sit by the phone and wait for her to call. I knew she wouldn't but hey, I am giving her every oppurtunity to eliviate my guilt.

But for the most part I think I am going to hold off on the dating thing til after my divorce. I have met a few great girls and part of me just can't commit to what they need. I think I need friends more right now then I need anything physical. I hate that I cant be what these women have probably wanted but I am nthing they want if I cant deal with what I am going through.

I guess I am trying to be grown up. Because I am trying to keep from rebounding. I have some confidence that I am not an ugly person, and I feel sorry that I believed that for so long. Because we are never what we think ourselves to be. So I think I will put that pick up because I have nothing to hide anymore. If my wife finds this site so be it. If her Mother/Father see my pic, so be that also. They need to know what their daughter did to me, and lied to them about it.

Because I will not pretend anymore that I was at fault.

And thats the bottom line
because I said so.

(Now if I can figure out this picture thing)

Friday, May 27, 2005

And then I woke up...

I have to take my mother to work every morning at 5:20 am. Even if I have to work til Midnight, its my obligation. So when I get home at 6:15 I will usually go back to sleep. This morning I woke up crying because something played a cruel joke on me.

I dreamed in that 2 hours that my wife showed back up at the house. Wearing her wedding set. Apologized for the way she acted and said she wanted me back. Asked me to put back on my wedding band. And we sat down and talked like we would have normally done,I tld her that I had been out on dates, and she forgived me. She told me what she had done. And then we made love on our bed and I just felt so relieved that all this was over. That my life was back on tracke and I would not be another divorce statistic, and I would do anything to make her happy, whatever it took.

I could feel everything, the soft touch of her skin, the smell of her hair. Everything was vivid, and it felt real, like I did not even know I was dreaming.

And then I woke up...

Today is not going to be a very good day. Becuase I just went from being happy to miserable again. Just like that.

Maybe that movie was right, the brain can believe in something and make us happy, and it does not have to be true to make us happy. All I know is I wish I could sleep forever and that be reality and this divorce shit be the dream.

Have a great day everyone

Insomnia... What the Bleep do we really know.. And I have to give something to my wife tomorrow

Well Bloggites, I am here, at 12:34 writing to you guys after going to work to retrain someone how to close. I obviously screwed up somewhere and now have to pay with my mistake with the lack of sleep. Of course its not much for someone who is an insomniac as of late.

I was sick earlier, so i layed on the Basement futon and watched So what the bleep do we really know. A movie that uses quantum physics to explain how we perceieve life, emotions and just the known world. I dont know what disturbs me more, the fact that people believe this crap, or that I understood it.

I just have a hard time believe emotions are the biochemical reaction of the brain and that we become addicted to them. Its hard to imagine love as being anything but a chemical reaction and that we can just feel it toward anyone. I hardly believe that because I know love at first site exsist.

I knew when I met my wife for the first time that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Not what she is now, but what she was then. To me she was the most beautiful thing God ever set in front of my path. I felt so lucky to be with her. I knew within two days i wanted to marry her.

That is heart wrenching in itself, its sad and lovely at the same time when you know what the situation is now. But to think that those feelings were nothing more than biochemical procedure is just insane. There is no way science can interuprt what all of us have experienced at one time or another... Fate

I believe in the great wheel of Fate. Fate put my wife in front of me to know that life has love, then it took her away to show me I have to rely on myself and not on others. Fate told me when we broke up the last time that she would tell me she loved me again. This time fate tells me she is gone for good. Fate made me have hope for my future, and at the same time it is telling me the same thing. These are not chemical reactions. These are parts of personality, not of chemicals I am feeling from a day to day basis.

We all have our own personalities and fate moves those long as well. What ever movies fate in your universe, in the end, it still moves. If we were addicted to emotions, then why would people who are addicted to sadness kill themselves. Because if you are truly addicted to sadness you would fight harder to live because you need the fix.

So argue your point if you must but in the end I find the theory to be easily disproven. Because I know love and Fate exsist. Becuase without them we would not be who we are today. We would all be the same, and we would lack personality.

I want to take a few minutes tonight to share something with you. I went in to my job tonight, and the last customers for the night left me feeling ashamed because I have been thinking of my own problems. We had a soldier who was just realeased from medical leave to return home because he was injured in the middle east (not sure if it were Iraq or Afghanistan) and he had lost one of his kidneys from a scrapnal wound from a roadside bomb.

This young man was younger than me. And he was out tonight having a good time with his buddies, one of which was pretty inhebriated, and relieved to have his good friend with one good kidney home. So happy in fact I think he consumed enough alchol for the both of them. I dont know where you all stand on the war against Iraq. I myself am a proud Bush supported, but I just want everyone that reads my blog to at least thank a soldier for what they do for us. Because that is one man who lost something that will cause him to suffer for the rest of his life. But to all his buddies, he was a hero. And like his friend said when he walked out the door boasting about his friend, "If you dont like America, then you suck dog dxxK."

I have to take the mail to my wife tomorrow, I have to do it before her office opens, so i am just going to slide the envelope into the rent check night box. She obviously doesnt wish to see me anyway.

Then again its probably a chemical reaction that she is just not addicted to my love anymore...

Robert signing off

Thursday, May 26, 2005

What to talk about today.

I am not feeling well today. So I am going to just touch base with you guys. I have not updated my blog for a few days and thought I would do so. I can't keep you guys in suspense forever you know.

I had a great date, and I feel like I am dating deficent. I always feel like women do not like me when they in fact do. I liked her quite alot and am interested in getting to know her a little better. At least get her to carry on a conversation with me would be good. I will have to see how things develop. I feel like I am not ready to jump into anything too serious because I still feel guilty. But I do like her, and I found out she likes me.

Well I am going to try to watch a movie tonight called "What the do we know" or something like that because last night I heard a commercial on Coast to Coast with George Norey that sounded like this movie had a "Cult Following" Literally. So I have to see if this is something that I need to buy into. or at least use to get my own worshipers.

I watched the season finale of Lost last night, the only show I am certifiable hooked on. I had to tape it because BBV does not know how to give me a Wednesday night off so i could watch it. And just like my life, A chapter ends with more question, and answering nothing that has been asked. Still love the show and you will find me glued to the futon next season. (Hopefully in my new apartment where I am paying the cable and electricity, all by myself. I really truly do not know what it is like to be in a home alone.)

I have almost decided to dump the innocent routine. I am not protecting the innocent anymore. I am not an innocent bystander in my life I am the route of my own evil. I do not care if anyone who knows me reads this blog and says, "I know him and his wife, what a bitch she is." Why should I protect her when she has not given a damn about me. So maybe this weekend I will put my pic up for the world to see.

On another lighter note. For the last few years I have suffered from writers block. See I once fancied myself as a novelist. Even though I never finished a novel, I always knew I would have one published. Well I can feel the flow of new ideas in my head. Characters and life situations, that would fill a novel, and maybe a trilogy or more.

I have a novel about hop, redemption,loss, coming to term with what life hands you. All while trying to survive in a place that you know nothing about. I am hoping to write it in the style of, the Stand meets Dark Tower dived by "Lost". If anyone will be interested in reading parts of it as i write it, then maybe you can be my own critics.

Well I have spent enough time blogging and i think I will be logging, hope to feel better tomorrow and update my blog some more.

Good night everyone.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I Have a Date and what Not to do When renting videos

Well I am sitting here and feeling very nervous. I have a date this morning. Not that the first one I have been on since my soon to be ex has filed but to me I hope it is a god one. If it is then it will be one more thing in the last week that has went better than I thought could have.

You see I work for Blockbuster, and for the last few months I have worked mostly nights. I think it is one of the many reason (stupid reasons) my wife left me. Even though when I went on nights she told me she loved me and that we could work through anything, because (here we go) she loved me.

That is not what i am here to talk about today. I am just happy to have a date with a girl who told me "I think your kinda cute"

But on to another matter. Everyone here I would guess rents videos from a video store, not necessary the evil empire of Blockbuster Video, but somewhere you do rent them. Please make the person behind the counter feel a little important.

-Do have everything you want with you at the counter when you check out. We hate it when we are ringing you up with a line of customers and you walk away to go look for "White Noise" one more time. You are holding up progress.

-We are not Psychic, so please do not ask us when a movie is coming back tonight. It could come back 2 minutes or 2 hours, its not at my house so how could I possible know.

-When you call to check on a movie. Tell us all the titles you are looking for at one time, s we have an idea how long we are going to be on the phone. When you call we do not just magically press a button that suspends time to the customers in line

-Please do not call us and ask us all the movies that came out in the last month. If you are that far behind, get in your car and drive over. Chances are that if you have not watched a movie in a month then there is going to be something that you want to watch anyway.

-Kids, I love children, I hate brats. If your child does not understand that he/she can not run down the aisles arms stretched out and dragging every movie into the floor, then they need adult supervision and should have someone holding there hands at all times.

Ok so i was in a goofy mood. I just get really annoyed sometimes, and I just wanted to vent. If i come up with anymore of these tips then I will post them on future blogs.

Be Kind and Please Rewind

Friday, May 20, 2005

Star Wars and an Apolgy to God

Yes I am a geek. Why do I say that, its quit simple. Its the truth. Not only did I not go to sleep till 1 in the morning Wednesday night, ok technically Thursday morning, but then I had to get up and take my Mother to work, at 5 in the morning.

So instead of me going to home and going to sleep. I proceed to go stand in line in front of a theatre to see a movie at 7 in the morning.

Most of the time I do anything insane like this, I am disappointed but this time I was not. I loved the movie, I thought it was the best out of all six movies. Most people may disagree but I dont care its my opinion and I will share it if I want to.

Just one more thing I would not have been able to do if i were married. I would have to beg for the money, I would have taken my wife instead of Ben and she would have set there and appeared bored the entire night. Would have complained there was too much noise, and that the sets are uncomfortable and that she was out of popcorn and wanted me to go get her some more.

On to other news, I have gotten a new digital camera and took some new pics of me that will never be shown on this site to protect my identity. I am a modern day Clark Kent fellows. One pic in particular made me look quit smashing.

I was told by a female, "I think you are kinda cute". Now normal those words are never lined up in a way that makes me sound good. Normal these words only appear in sentences like, "I think your dog is kinda cute." Or "I think your hair needs to be cut and then maybe if you wore better clothes and lost weight you might be kinda cute."

Things like this give me confidence that maybe even though I did not want this divorce, that maybe what ever powers that be that control fate and destiny know what they are doing and maybe I owe God a little bit of thanks and a Sorry for calling him a Bastard. He might have been looking out for me all along.

Sorry God

He may have seved me from a marriage I was not getting what I needed from it and did not even know it. Now I am ready to figure out if there is love still out there for me. I need to drop my self doubt and find someone who completes me, and who I am. Not who thanks I am riding on there coat tails, because they have money.

I seen my wife today, had to take her money for the house payment. She looks more and more like a slut everytime I see her. This is not the conservative woman I was married to. This is a woman who thinks she can find happiness by acting like a whore, and pretending she is a college student again.

Well she may have left me for greener pastures but my favorite line I always told her when we talked about making the same mistakes.

"The Grass is always Greener over the septic tank"

So I hope she finds something that MOOOs her along. If not I am sure that shirt is going to get tighter, and that skirt a little shorter.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Happy... Umm I Had A Birthday

Well I took the day off from the ol blog here. Celebrated my 28th birthday, well I would not call it celebrate. More like survived it. Plus I had to work, it was the worst birthday I had in the last 7 years.

Not even the soon to be ex wife called to say anything about it to me. I knew she would not but hey I thought there was hope she might.

I did go on another date this weekend. I had a good time, went back and hung out at her apartment. No I am not sleeping with her, not even kissed her yet. I just feel so guilty. I feel sometimes that I am doing wrong. Why am I the one that has to feel guilt. I hate feeling this way. If anyone should feel guilty its the ex to be.

Oh Well what can I say. On a brighter note, I am going to see SW: Episode 3 with my best friend Thursday morning at 7. Looking forward to that.

Bought me a new digital camera today, might have seen it in the circuit city ad on Sunday. I had one but my ex took it, it was actually hers, but I have the computer so how did it help her any. I think she took it so I could not but my pic up on the personals ads. Its nice to have friends with digital cameras too :)

The camera was only one hundred bucks, and I bought a memory card for it also. Then could not figure out why it would not work. I would hook it up and it would not get any pic off the memory card. And it was difficult to take out the memory card also.

You know if you put those things in backwards, they sure are tricky to get out and at the same time they just don't work. I found that odd :)

Yeah I turned 28 yesterday and my IQ has already dropped 2 points. Oh well I am still smarter than my soon to be ex.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

To Family...

Its official, its been 30 days since the paper work for our divorce was filed. 30 more before we start the actual divorce procedures. I am at the halfway point of the most miserable time I have ever known. And tomorrow it is my birthday. Fitting in someway.

Ok, I lay awak tonight thinking about something. In a few weeks we have a 3 day weekend coming up, Ok most of you do, I will more than likely have to work. And all I can think about is my wife's family.

Who knows we are getting divorced to this point. She rarely talked to her extended family. So I am not sure they know unless they hear it through her mother. They always have a dinner for every holiday. Memorial Day was usually a cook out.

I have been thinking alot about my niece. Even though I guess after the divorce she wont be mine anymore. How she loved her Uncle, me. Everytime I seen this little girl, it made me realize that is what I wanted too. I wanted my own son/daughter.

The last time I seen her was at her 5th birthday party, it was only 2 weeks before we had the fight that split us up. I had a good time, and during the entire event all i could think about was in 9 months I may be holding my child. My wife had missed her period by a week.

Three days before, I told her that I wanted to wait until after Madison's birthday party to take a pregnancy test. We had had some many false hopes that for once I wanted to have hope again. If only for a week longer. I wanted to feel this happy for just a wek longer.

We left the party and we held hands, we laughed and visited place in my wifes hometown of Bloomington. We went to dinner, we went to look at fish at a pet store. We talked and loved and kissed. It was one of the most happy times I can remember in recent history.

We came home, and I was ready to make love to my wife. And then my happiness faded. She had started sometime on the way home from Bloomington. It was so hard to hold tears back like that. She was not pregnant and we did not even need a test to tell us that.

So I sat tonight thinking of Madison, what has everyone told her about me. That her fun loving uncle had cheated on his wife. Thats what she had been telling her co workers. I had tried to call her mother after she found out we were divorcing, she would not even talk to me. I am sure she told them I cheated on her. Or worse that I beat her up.

Yet they had only seen me a few weeks before holding hands with my wife, laughing and touching. How could they believe that about someone who they bragged about writing letter to the editors, explaining how much some ones wife she mean to them. How could they think bad of me, how could they believe I would do anything to hurt her.

Yet she told them something, becuase her dad would not even give me a refrences for a job in the company he worked for. So if all she told them was she was unhappy and wanted a divorce, then why could he have not given me a good refrences.

This is the same man that always tried to one up me every year with some horrible gift. Who always cut up with me. And even told me I was his favorite son in law. (Granted I was his only Son-in-law)

So what has Madison been told about me. What will it be like the next time she ask my wife, where is her favorite uncle. Me.

To Family...

Friday, May 13, 2005

This House Is Not A Home

Well here I sit again in my house. Alone, and everything here makes me think of her. We had just bought this house in November, it was to build are hopes and dreams in. We would live the rest of our days here, forever.

Forever was about 3 months and 2 weeks. That is how long we had lived here when she decided she wanted a divorce. Thats when she decided that I was never going to grow up. That I was a perpetual child that was spoiled and could not make it on my own.

I can't wait to be able to move out of here. I can't look at her side of the bed, I refuse to sleep on it. I resign myself to the corner of a king size bed because I don't want to disrupt where she slept. I don't set anything on her nightstand. It killed me whenI finally had to reset the clock to wake me up so i would not be late to a job interview. I wanted everything to be just the way she left it, the night I came home and found she had moved out.

I don't know how I stay here. I have not been out in the back yard since she took the dogs. The fenced in back yard that we were so excited to have when we bought this house. I remember praying to God that we would get this house but now I just want to be able to leave it and get my own apartment where I can get away from these memories.

I refuse to open closets, because I don't want to see any clothes or music cds she left behind. Her wedding dress I moved to the upstairs closet so my friend would have a place to keep his clothes when he moved in. It was hard to see, it was even harder to carry. She did not even want to take it with her when she left, she also left me every photo album, including all the wedding pics. I guess it is to hard for her to look at.

The water heater started leaking, $900 to replace it, I did not have the money so we just shut it off and turn it on before we take showers and do laundry. The heater stopped working the weekend before she moved out, she was supposed to have someone she knew to fix it. I just hope the air conditoner works long enough til the divorce is final and I can move my stuff. I am cout ordered now not to move anything, sell anything from the property until the divorce is final.

She knew what she was doing, she moved everything out of the house she wanted, big screen tv, furnatuire, half of the awesome dvd collection, everything. Then she filed the divorce. Least she left me the computer. Or maybe you guys wish she didn't. Well space cats I have cried enough for one night, I am going to pop in a dvd, and watch it. So Take care World.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

It's Good To Have Friends

Something I would like to cover i this very difficult time. When my wife first left me, all I wanted to do was lay around and feel depressed. I did not want anyone but her around me. And since she was not there, I was lonely.

I gave up everything I enjoyed doing. Including playing Xbox with my online buddies, watching movies, and even reading. I stayed like this for a few weeks. I was doing nothing but focusing on getting her back. Even though she had moved into her own apartment, and was moving on with her life. (Yeah she had a "friend" looked like a boyfriend the way he walked into her apartment without out knocking whenI came by to try to check on her. Also convenient that she did not answer her phone for an hour or so)

So finally one day I got tired of being lonely, and I went back to friends I had all but abandoned a year and a half ago, the last time she left me. She blamed it on me never wanting to do anything on the weekends because I was going to hang with them on Saturdays.

That was the best decision I had made. They worried about me, and treated my like a friend, listened to me cry and whine about what she had done to me. I felt like I had somewhere to go at that point. I also started to play xbox again, where the Brits love me. I never knew it was possible to have a second best friend that lived 3000 miles across the Ocean in another country. Alan was there for me to. Someone who never knew me until one day I showed up in his Game Room on an xbox game called Burnout 3. Love those British Bastards.

The thing I learned is that you should never go through anything like this alone. It is way to rough on your heart, and eventually it eats away at you. Making you irritable and nervous, with no way to remedy the situation.

Always rely on your friends, and if you don't have any, try to make some online. Thank you Jarrod, Jesse, Charlee, Mandi, Alan, Kenzo, Mike, Deadly, Mo, Ben, Sean, and the Adder, you know who you are.

Stay tuned cause I have no clue what I am going to write about next.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

How Power Corrupts

Its hard the first time you know you are not going to be with someone forever. You try to convince yourself your wrong. I knew it because she suddenly realized she did not need me financially. She had gotten promoted. We were excited, but things seemed to change after that.

Anything I did was never good enough. The thing that hurt me the most was, she seemed to be ashamed of me. She would tell me, next year you and I will go to the company Xmas party together, when that time came around, well we don't have the money for a tux. She always had some excuse as to why we could not go out an do events like that.

Another time she made me feel unimportant was at a wedding. Everyone was dancing, it was a slow song. I asked her to dance, she told me no. Then a few people at the table made several comments about how I got "Shot Down" and frankly I was embarrassed. I maintained my compossure the best I could but I could feel the tears welling up in my throat. So I excused myself from the table and walked outside and cried.

The Grooms mother and sister came outside, and they seen me. Which even made it worse. I quickly wiped my eyes and said I was tired. I went in a few minutes later, and sat back down with her.

When we left that night, after we walked outside and were by ourselves, she tried to hold my hand. I jerked it away. This made her very angry, she started almost running to the car, and then would not talk to me the rest of the night.

She was always good at the not talking part. When she was mad she always keeps things bottled up. It is silly because eventually your gonna go off like a soda bottle. And I guess that is where we are now.

I look back now and I do not see the same woman she used to be. She seems hateful, and yet at times she seems to want me back. We talked for like 2 hours last week. I gave her another Get out of Jail free if you just come home card. She says she is doing the right thing for her.

I just hate to ever hear divorce as the right thing. Especially when you love that person more than God loves the planet. I know it is over, its just coming to terms with that. I feel somedays i may never recover from this, and other times I feel just fine. I hate the feeling of not knowing How I will feel about her tomorrow.

New to This

Hello, I am kinda new to all this. I wanted to give myself an outlet to deal with how I am feeling at the moment. I will not display my picture, so I will not incriminate the innocent. I also hope I can help with any other feelings people are having going through the same things as me.

My wife left me. Plain and simple, she left me. One day I mad her angry because we had plans, a sexual escapade that she looked forward to all day long. (I was very looking forward to it also.) I had been in the basement of our home, playing a game on Xbox live, instead of waiting for her to get home. I never heard her come in the house. She swears she had been home for 30 minutes. I never once heard her or the dogs bark.

The next thing I know, she comes down to the basement, dressed no longer in her skirt, cleavage showing combo, but her excercising sweats. She would then not speak to me. i sat down in the basement until she was done. She went straight up stairs. She would not talk to me, then she went to sleep.

I work a job that does not allow me to be home most evenings, and I have been home with her almost every night for the last 7 years, until last November. When my job was dumped and I had to go work in a store. Almost all night shifts. This was hard on our marriage. My mom has been living with us for the last 4 years of our marriage ever since my dad passed away, this has been hard on our marriage. I agree with all that.

I happened to work the day shift the next day, I called her several times that day. She would not answer the phone, i thougt she had packed a bag and left then. I was relieved when I got home to find she was still there, just not answering the phone. Still not talking to me, I tried to talk she just ignored me.

Sunday, I worked dayshift again, I told her to at least pick up the phone so I knew she was alright. She did the 2 times I called. She really di not talk, but least I knew she had not left me. When i got home, she was still not talking, but still wearing her wedding rings. I thought this was a good sign at least.

I watched her ignore me for the next three hours, and she turned out the lights and she rolled over to go to sleep. I told her I knew why she was not talking, it was because I did not put her first. I should have been waiting for you when you got home. I was trying to get her to open up to me. Then she said the words i always hated to hear her say to me. "I want a divorce"

I have heard these words several times over the last 2 years. Always when she would get mad at me. Yet now they seemed to be coming more frequent. So alot of times i did not take them serious. This time I should have taken them serious immediately.

Most woman are reading this and probably hate me right now, they see me as insensitive to her feelings. I guess sometimes I was, but I never was intentional. Men and women see things differently. We just do not understand everything that a women sees it as.

I thought my wife was beautiful, I would stare at her as she slept, when I came home late at night. (Sorry tearing up) I would always kiss her forehead, and wrap my arms around her waist. And feel her warm skin, it was the thing that kept me going on those nights I had to work and did not get to spend time with her. Its times like these that she never seen that proved I loved her.

I would lay and listen to her when she talked in her sleep, she always did that, and I found it funny. I always felt like she new I loved her. Yet in the end it was not enough. I knew for the last 2 years we would not be together forever.

It something you do not want to believe, when you first get that feeling. When she got promoted to the highest local job, i knew it was only a matter of time.

More on that later...