Friday, May 13, 2005

This House Is Not A Home

Well here I sit again in my house. Alone, and everything here makes me think of her. We had just bought this house in November, it was to build are hopes and dreams in. We would live the rest of our days here, forever.

Forever was about 3 months and 2 weeks. That is how long we had lived here when she decided she wanted a divorce. Thats when she decided that I was never going to grow up. That I was a perpetual child that was spoiled and could not make it on my own.

I can't wait to be able to move out of here. I can't look at her side of the bed, I refuse to sleep on it. I resign myself to the corner of a king size bed because I don't want to disrupt where she slept. I don't set anything on her nightstand. It killed me whenI finally had to reset the clock to wake me up so i would not be late to a job interview. I wanted everything to be just the way she left it, the night I came home and found she had moved out.

I don't know how I stay here. I have not been out in the back yard since she took the dogs. The fenced in back yard that we were so excited to have when we bought this house. I remember praying to God that we would get this house but now I just want to be able to leave it and get my own apartment where I can get away from these memories.

I refuse to open closets, because I don't want to see any clothes or music cds she left behind. Her wedding dress I moved to the upstairs closet so my friend would have a place to keep his clothes when he moved in. It was hard to see, it was even harder to carry. She did not even want to take it with her when she left, she also left me every photo album, including all the wedding pics. I guess it is to hard for her to look at.

The water heater started leaking, $900 to replace it, I did not have the money so we just shut it off and turn it on before we take showers and do laundry. The heater stopped working the weekend before she moved out, she was supposed to have someone she knew to fix it. I just hope the air conditoner works long enough til the divorce is final and I can move my stuff. I am cout ordered now not to move anything, sell anything from the property until the divorce is final.

She knew what she was doing, she moved everything out of the house she wanted, big screen tv, furnatuire, half of the awesome dvd collection, everything. Then she filed the divorce. Least she left me the computer. Or maybe you guys wish she didn't. Well space cats I have cried enough for one night, I am going to pop in a dvd, and watch it. So Take care World.