Wednesday, May 11, 2005

New to This

Hello, I am kinda new to all this. I wanted to give myself an outlet to deal with how I am feeling at the moment. I will not display my picture, so I will not incriminate the innocent. I also hope I can help with any other feelings people are having going through the same things as me.

My wife left me. Plain and simple, she left me. One day I mad her angry because we had plans, a sexual escapade that she looked forward to all day long. (I was very looking forward to it also.) I had been in the basement of our home, playing a game on Xbox live, instead of waiting for her to get home. I never heard her come in the house. She swears she had been home for 30 minutes. I never once heard her or the dogs bark.

The next thing I know, she comes down to the basement, dressed no longer in her skirt, cleavage showing combo, but her excercising sweats. She would then not speak to me. i sat down in the basement until she was done. She went straight up stairs. She would not talk to me, then she went to sleep.

I work a job that does not allow me to be home most evenings, and I have been home with her almost every night for the last 7 years, until last November. When my job was dumped and I had to go work in a store. Almost all night shifts. This was hard on our marriage. My mom has been living with us for the last 4 years of our marriage ever since my dad passed away, this has been hard on our marriage. I agree with all that.

I happened to work the day shift the next day, I called her several times that day. She would not answer the phone, i thougt she had packed a bag and left then. I was relieved when I got home to find she was still there, just not answering the phone. Still not talking to me, I tried to talk she just ignored me.

Sunday, I worked dayshift again, I told her to at least pick up the phone so I knew she was alright. She did the 2 times I called. She really di not talk, but least I knew she had not left me. When i got home, she was still not talking, but still wearing her wedding rings. I thought this was a good sign at least.

I watched her ignore me for the next three hours, and she turned out the lights and she rolled over to go to sleep. I told her I knew why she was not talking, it was because I did not put her first. I should have been waiting for you when you got home. I was trying to get her to open up to me. Then she said the words i always hated to hear her say to me. "I want a divorce"

I have heard these words several times over the last 2 years. Always when she would get mad at me. Yet now they seemed to be coming more frequent. So alot of times i did not take them serious. This time I should have taken them serious immediately.

Most woman are reading this and probably hate me right now, they see me as insensitive to her feelings. I guess sometimes I was, but I never was intentional. Men and women see things differently. We just do not understand everything that a women sees it as.

I thought my wife was beautiful, I would stare at her as she slept, when I came home late at night. (Sorry tearing up) I would always kiss her forehead, and wrap my arms around her waist. And feel her warm skin, it was the thing that kept me going on those nights I had to work and did not get to spend time with her. Its times like these that she never seen that proved I loved her.

I would lay and listen to her when she talked in her sleep, she always did that, and I found it funny. I always felt like she new I loved her. Yet in the end it was not enough. I knew for the last 2 years we would not be together forever.

It something you do not want to believe, when you first get that feeling. When she got promoted to the highest local job, i knew it was only a matter of time.

More on that later...