Monday, May 29, 2006

I Hate Guys like You (My second post of today)

So i worked with Jane Eyre again on Friday. And somehow the bank girl was brought up. See Lukrativ and I each have a bank girl we have a thing for. Jane Eyre brought it up becuase she knew I was crushing on a girl over there.

This somehow ended up being a lecture. I told her of my lack of courage and how I am working it up by talking to her, because lets face it, a man you know nothing about asking you out can be kind of scary in this day and age.

She got mad at me because there was a guy she liked in high school, who she heard liked her also. Well he never had the courage to ask her out, and she is old fashion, she wants the guy to ask her out. So now she has graduated, this guy has never asked her out, and she is a little bitter about it.

"I hate guys like you." She told me that if you like someone you ask them out, grow a pair and ask them out. I think she even used that exact phrase. But in my defense, i tried to explain that I know little about her, and that I still do not know if she has a boyfriend. At least this guy was told by mutual friends that they had a thing for each other.

If one of the other girls had told me that bank girl liked me, then I would ask her out that day. That simple, its the rejection that I dont like to deal with. I guess we have to deal with it at some point.

I also got a little look into the female mind. She told me that I am way to nice. Women see nices guys are good friends. If you are too nice they tend to use you. And they see you as nothing more than friendship material. Great so now I am going to be in the friend zone with everygirl i date because I am chronicly nice. See women are just fucked in the head sometimes.

I also told her I also have trouble becuase I have a self confidence issue about my looks. She told me that I have to get them to see through that. You have something to offer a women, you just have to find out what it is.

Around here its money or looks, and well frankly I don't much of either.

Then comes Saturday. I get a response from a girl off yahoo personals. Not justa girl, but a girl that probably does not weigh more than 150 if you look at her picture. She sends me a stock message, I liked your profile, how do you like to be contacted.

is she blind. I have pictures of myself on the profile. Do I look like the kind of guy that slender, gorgeous women flock too. Then I looked at her picture, and figured it out. She looks kind of Italian. Those women see fat guys as sexy cause of the mob. I cant date this girl, her uncle is going to have me fitted for concrete shoes. I dont need Tony Soprano breaking my legs.

Also she likes adventre in her life. Look at me do I look like an adventure. I get sweaty watching nature channels on tv. Adventure for me is throing Tomb Raider in the 360. I can't swim, i dont run, and I sure as hell dont ride roller coasters.

So I am not sure what she seen in me. But I sent a message now just to se if she has come to her senses and not respond anymore. Besides Slender aint my thing. I am not saying I could not live with it, but man I am afraid a girl like this could kill me.

Well maybe I can have a good conversation with bank girl tomorrow, and I will actually get to see her on tuesday as well, but we shall have to see.

Goodnight all.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Baby Steps

Well its been one of those days. I can not say this entire week has been a wash. But it definitely has its ups and downs. I sit here writing to you frustrated as all hell. Tonight was the season finale of Lost.

I waited all week for this, I even took off a night of work so I could watch it with the other fanatic Lost watcher I know. My Mom. I had to do laundry anyway, so I thought I could do that during the day and stay and watch Lost with her.

So we are all engrossed in Lost. There had been thunder storms coming through the tristate area. So it was the last 10 minutes of Lost, and the power goes out. And still has yet to come back on over there. If I had stayed home I would have been able to watch it in its entirety.

But the good news is that they will show the episode on and I can see the last 10 minutes. I have to say they did good answering some of the questions, and I just want to know what I missed in the last ten minutes.

I talked to bank girl again yesterday. Wow, there is just something about that smile. It can make me fee l good, and at the same time fill me with such fright. Because I so what to see that smile up close, and yet it requires me to take a leap of faith. One that I am going to have to do soon. Cause the thought of what she could be like its killing me to know.

Baby Steps! Baby Steps! Baby Steps!

The good news is that she takes the effort to say hi to me when I come in. That she will chat with me even when she is 2 stations away. And now she is in the habit of telling me bye when I leave. It seems everyone at the bank was on edge Tuesday, they got a new computer system, and they were all learning it. She told me I should be glad i did not have her, because she would be slower than everyones else in learing the system.

I told her naw, I am patient, and I dont have to be anywhere important. Oh Wait work. Hahaha I laughed. She laughed we all had a laugh. I di make it a point to say bye to her and use her name. Instead of just saying bye. So maybe she understands i just see her as not just another face in the crowd.

But then again she may not be interested and i am seeing all this wrong. Since I am sure I am sounding like a putz. Or is it a stalker I get those two confused. Someone want to clarify those for me.

On to the Xbox. As I sit here I am at a gamer score of 4293, 95 points away from my mentor's score of 4388. I have one more boss monster to defeat in Kameo and with it, i get a hundred more points. This is a monumental thing for me. He is my English Brother from another mother and it will make me proud to stomp his ass in gamer points. This is an amazing feat that i can not wait to trump him in. When he comes back from florida he is not going to know what hit him.


But there is my life at the moment. I am also thinking about entering a contest in Septmeber. Its a 3 day novel contest. You have 72 hours to right a novel. The only hang up i have about it is that it cost $50 to enter, its not much, but I am just worried that I will waste my money if I enter and dont complete my novel in three days.

Grammar and speeling are not really counted, as they do not expect perfection in a novel that is written in 3 days. But the winner gets a publishing deal for the novel you write. He knows right, I have a month or more to decide to try or not. The rules can be found at if you are interested.

Well good night all.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

For Someone who can't Swim, things seem to be Going swimingly

Well I had a fairly good day today. I got up this morning and took myself down to the BMV. I got there about 8:05. There was no line. So I walked down to the grocery to use therestroom and buy myself a drink.

I came back to a line of 5 people. But at least I was able to get into a place right away to get my drivers license renewed. $26 later I come out a little upset at the price, but at least I can drive until 2012. I will have to renew one more time before the end of the Mayan calendar, couldn't they just update the drivers license one more year, so when the world ends we dont have bay $26 beforehand, i mean we cant take it with us when we go. :)

Then procceded to the bank. I walk in the door and se only one bank employee, and it aint my bank girl. I am saddened by this. But oh well, so wait for a few seconds i front of the teller.

She tried to make small talk but, I was kind of distracted, none of the regulars were working up front. Then I hear a familar, Hello. I turn to see bank girl smiling at me.

I ask he if she got wet yesterday doing yard work. She laughed and told me she did not yard work. She asked how i was doing. I told her I was doing pretty good. I total ignored the girl doing our bank deposit.

Bank girl stepped into the window next to mine. Another women came up to hear window. She asked bank girl if she was Tori today (Because that was the name plate sitting in front of her window.) She laughed and said no.

I leaned over and told the other lady, naw she is better than Tori. I got a thank you out of it. And my deposit was done and I walked away, when bank girl yelled to me, See you later, I turned and told her to have a nice day.

See I call that progress, not as much progress as a Sole thought or a pro divorce could get I am sure... but hey this is one large leap for Rob Kind. I actually felt good today when I left the bank. But i ma trying to let her know a little at I time that I am interested in her, I am thinking she is getting the hint.

But as the mentally Challenged individual Bill would say, Oh Well. (Bill is a guy who comes into our store everyday, and you are guarenteed to hear three things, "Oh Well", "That Billy Graham has had That Parkinson's for a lot of years now, I bet he wont live to 88.{Usually followed with another, Oh well}, and "you guys close at xx:xx time tonight right.") Oh that wacky Bill.

Tomorrow is the first day of my vacation. I am thinking of going to the library and check out a few books. I have not read anything in a while. May be see f Stephen King's Cell is availaible or even Michael Crichton's Prey. Surely I can find something to read.

Well good night all.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Another Year Come and Gone

Today was another of those birthday things. Yeah they use to to be a lot more exciting then they are now. I was almost guaranteed Sex on this day, I use to get something I wanted. But for the single guy, its kind of a drag.

I started the day out by cleaning the apartment up, so I could get the recliner Matt and Jeff were giving me. I need to get some Carpet fresh so I ran down the the street to the dollar general store.

On the way home, I passed a cop going 14 miles over the speed limit. He was an unmarked car. I suddenly felt my entire day going bad. He asked for license and registration and proof of insurance.

He was in his car for a long time. I knew he was writing me up a ticket. Just one more thing to make me fret over. Rising insurance, paying for a ticket, stuff I just really can not afford.

It was my fault I know. I was just in a hurry to get home so I could relax. So he comes up to the side of my car. The whole time I am thinking that this cop is going to be an ass and give me a ticket on my birthday.

instead I lucked out. He handed me my information back, and explained to me he was giving me a written warning. It seems that for my Birthday God gave me a gift of a break. Seems the EPD got new radar guns, and they have to spend 30 hours testing them before they can actually right tickets.

Thank You Dear Lord. I really appreciate that. Also he pointed out that my drivers license expires today. So I needed to go to the BMV and renew it. This is where my luck runs out. The BMV is not opened on Mondays. So its going to cost me more because I did not realize it expired today. If I knows that I would have gotten it renewed on Friday or Saturday.

Oh well. I just hope I do not have to take that stupid test again. Oh well tomorrow is my last day at work until Sunday. I have absolutely nothing planed to do.

And this fall I am going of DDR Diet. I found something that I could enjoy doing and it is good exercise. Dance Dance Revolution Universe is coming to the Xbox 360. And I hear alot of succsess stories about people loosing weight doing it. (A girl lost over 100 pounds playing it.)

I was telling the Jane Eyer (Nickname for the new girl since she is in love with romantic period pieces) this, and she laughed because it is a well known fact that when the store is empty I will dance across the wooden floor to what ever happens to be playing. ( I am especially Noturious for dancing to "Dancing Queen") (Yes i am still very much straight)

I figured DDr on the 360 would keep me motivated since I can play online with Others. Some how I feel like this is the way for me to go. And once I build up my cardiovascular system i will be able to go jogging in the evenings.

I thought if I could get down to 200 I don't think I will have trouble getting the attention of women, and I would be so much healthier. It is just a thought. But I think it is a good idea. The biggest problem is waitng til probably november to get the game. I wish they would bring it out a little sooner. I may buy it on PS2 to get a little practice.

Anyway let me know what you think.


Thursday, May 11, 2006

One Year

Well hello guys, it has beena long year. Today is this Blogs anniversary. I have been doing this for 365 days. Sad but True.

Anyway on to other matters. It seems that Keely is interested in getting to know me all over again. It seems that all of a sudden, the " The man of her dreams" wants to seprate. Hmm I did not see that coming, okay i am lying I totally did.

Seems that she has given me her phone number. And she wants me to call her. Part of me is flattered by this. Are you telling me that after 8 years of not speaking to each other, I was sudenly good enough to want to spend time with again. The women that has slept with more men than I can count is looking for her virgin conquest. Damn, i never knew I had that affect on people.

So I am not interested. But a part of me thinks that it could be the key to what i have been missing for a year now. I could give into the dark side, and just go for it. (I would be double or even triple bagging it cause she has been ridden more than a coney island roller coaster) But its just not me, and there would be no futre in it. I want a future, I want a legacy, i dont want another heartbreak.

Part of me would love to do it for vengence, to get back at her for the way she done me. But I cant really blame her, because my life was actually decent with Sarah until things went Sour, so her leaving was a blessing in disguise.

Sarah was always jealous of her. I never understood that I guess. Maybe it was because she was my first, I mean I was jealous of her first. I guess most of us have this inside jealous, i dont know. I honestly can say no one besides Sarah, have I cared about who they slept with.

So anyway, I think I will just keep that number saved in my hard drive. I dont need to call her. I think it would be asking for trouble. Love is always better than lust, but still it feels good to think that someone out there has had me and missess me.


Monday, May 08, 2006

My life is So fucking great

Well I check myspace tonight. And guess what I have a new message. Well I check to see who wrote me, and suddenly my world filled with dread. The Ex had tracked me down. Yes the First Ex, KEELY.

(Ominous thunderclap)

Seems that she wrote me saying she seen my profile, and sent me an email to see how I am doing. Translation, I want to rub it in that you are divorced and I am still married. Yes even though she did not remember the meaning of monogamy. She has cheated on this guy, and pretty much did not care who she did it with. (Ex wife had one of Keely's many conquest move in to her apartment community. And he bragged to Sarah about sleeping with Keely)

So I visit her page, there is no picture. And her little Profile says, "I am a Nurse in Henderson, and I am married to the man of dreams, so i am not looking to replace him."

She put in her email that she missed my quirky ways. My quirky ways, am I really that quirky.

All i know is its been a bad weekend, I am tired and cant sleep. I am depressed again and I cant shake it cause everything just seems to get worse no matter what i do. And now I have to have her rub it in that she is happily married and that she was right that Sarah and I would never make it.

And put on top of everything, i cant even frickin check my email cause something is wrong with my ISP.

Well I am getting off here before I can a rash from wallowing in self pity.


Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Fees Yo... 25 cents to connect

Okay I had a funny experience last weekend that I some how forgot. We went to the mall, Josiah, Matt and I. As we are walking toward the music store, a group of guys are walking towards us.

Josiah points out that it is a group of guys that look very similar to the guys who do the T-mobile ads. They are dressed up in all kinds of bling, I mean if you put a pictures of these guys next to the Poser Mobile guys, I bet you would not tell them apart. One of them even had the belt buckle with a digital display.

I only wished I had my camera so I could have taken that picture to share with everyone.

Not much going on, just my boring old life. I did talk to bank girl today. I think I am a lot less nervous about talking to her now. I think I had myself so hyped up that I had to ask her out, I was getting to worked up.

I decided to just talk to her, I asked her how her weekend was. She replied that it was good, then she elaborated on it. She said she spent yesterday helping her mom with yard work and and mowing grass. A lot of information for a simple question.

We talked about the rain, because she said she had gotten rained on yesterday while working in the yard. She asked how I was doing, and I told her pretty good. So hey, I feel good because I actually talked to her, that's a big step for me. And I am getting the definite feeling that she does not have a boyfriend. Not many people would hang out with a parent and do yard work if they were in a relationship. I could be wrong.

So I am going to see how talking to her works out. Maybe then slip in a you wanna go out for coffee sometime, I just have to not get myself so worked up. All I know I have been feeling depressed for like a week now, and her smile and conversation seemed to revive me a little bit.

I went to the cemetery to visit my dad's grave yesterday. It had been a while since I had done that. Mom wanted to drop off some new flowers, since his birthday is coming up on the 14th. The day before mine.

"He was his 35th birthday present and I had been paying for it every since" was his favorite quote when talking about our birthdays being a day apart.

Yup I will turn 29 this year. I am pushing 30. I would never have guessed at 29 my life would be so empty. I guess they are right, happiness has its way of taking its sweet time. I guess this birthday will be as depressing as the last.

I am coming up on my year anniversary of blogging. I started this blog on May 11th. I guess that is a small triumph. Not many blogs make it to a year. I may not get as many comments as other blogs, but I have been here a long time. I guess to say that I felt my life was over a year ago, and I am still here.

I may cry here and now, I may sometimes miss my ex. I have dated, and broken hearts unintentionally but I guess its all part of my story, and dammit I aint dead yet.

Well good night all.