Monday, January 22, 2007

Tuxes, Wedding bells, and Gay Retarded Migets

Well last monday, my best friends fiance asked if I was really going to
be his best man. Did she really even have to ask. I mean the funny
thing is, he automatically assumed I would, never really asked me but
come on, i pretty much knew I was going to be his best man so its not
like he even had to ask me.

So in other words, soon, very soon
I have to go get outfitted for a Tux. Great. I do not like the way I
look in a tux, Maybe I will put up a pic of me from my wedding. But I
am at my mom's right now so i really can't. Trust me, i weighed 30 pounds more then, than I do now.

I have to thank my best friend though. He did keep his fiance from trying
to set me up again. His fiance has only known me a short time, but she
has no clue what the hell i am looking for. This girl from what i hear,
almost sounds like alcholic and she is not attractive, and she does not sound like she is very intelligent. ( come on i am not just going to hope into bed with some girl cause she goes out with me. I am looking for a wife. And if you are not intelligent, then i am not interested) Hopefully he will continue to weed out the bad women she tries to set me up with.

Now to the gay retarded midget. Now this is not my story, and I will not trelease the name of this person either. but the fact is, one of my many gay friends is at a gay bar Friday night.

They get invited upstairs by another few guys, i am not sure what he means by upstairs but thats how it was reported to me. The guy that invited them up stairs was deaf. And My friend, ( we will call him Ben cause it sounds like a good gay name hehehe) Ben's other gay friend, J, wanted him to come up with because he did not know sign language.
Ben:I dont know sign language eithier.
j: yeah but your better and not as drunk as i am

Fine he goes upstairs. Immediately Ben has this guy come over and start flirting with him. Now when he describes this guy we all started laughing. He was 5 feet tall. (okay not quite a midget) He had really high cheekbones, big ears, and a tal forehead. Ben described him as ( a Kender, a halfling from dragonlance novels. As displayed here

So Ben says this guy starts talking to him. And the gay midget kender says, " Yeah my brain only functions as well as a 12 year olds." After this, Ben knew he had to go and get as far away from this guy as possible. The guy continued to follow him around the bar. finally he told J, that he had to go now or he was going to have to kill someone.

As funny as that story is, the fact that ben brought up that this was not the first time he had ever been hit on someone who had the mental faculties of a 12 year old. He told us he was at another gay bar here in town that he was with J again. And this guy was flirting with him, and was also mentally challeneged.

Who then stood up on the karoke stage and said, " this song is for Ben" and then began to sing sweet things are made of these, by the Eurythmics. After this story i thought they were going to have to drag me out of Shoney's on a stretcher.

So the gay retarded midget is now A RUNNING JOKE around here. We bring it up anytime we can. maybe someday we will forget it. But i would not count on it. By the way, this "ben" is not the same ben that is my best friend hehe. and if your name is Ben than i appologize to you for saying your name is gay.

Labels: , ,