Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Christmas Time Moves On

Well Christmas is over. I am a little relieved and a little sadened. I really was hoping to not be alone this Christmas. Its hard on me. I enjoyed being "in love" and without that feeling, a one bed room apartment with a little ceramic tree just does not give you anything to be excited for.

Been playing some video games. Of course what else is new right. What have i been paying you may ask. Well Alot of Rainbow 6 Vegas. An excellent and very difficult strategic Shooter. Saving Hostages, repelling down casinos and busting out windows. Good Times!!!

Also been playing the new Zelda on the gamecube. Almost finished with it, only a few more dungeons to go. These are the reasons I may not have a girlfriend.

FInally got a new cell phone. I am not sure how long it is going to work. The lady at the cell phone place said these cell phones are prone to be blocked because they are prepay phones. But yet they all use the same kind of simcard, and I final got her to reprogram it. I think the bitch was just trying to make me buy a new cell phone, I was quite angry about the entire incident. She was bound and determined not to reprogram the sim card. It works so far.

I had a few weird dreams over the last few nights, for the past 3 nights I have seen my dog Tiki in my dreams. She always seems to be trying to get my attentionto follow her, but I am always dealing with something else and can't.

One dream I was at a mall with friends. And the air raid sirens were going off, and the mall loudspeakers were telling everyone to get down and hide because if the bombers seen any movement they would drop bombs. I was trying to rush to find a friend. The entire time I was thinking if something happens to her, her husband is going to kill me. And of course I see Tki at the end of the dream trying jumping around like she wanted me to follow.

Then the other dreams also had my ex wife in them. Both of these hurt, because itwas like we never got divorced. And it was how Christmas should have really been. And Tiki was trying to get me to follow her and kept jumping up to me and running away. Crazy ass pug.

Well okay I did not have a dream about her last night, so I just hope everything is okay. For my ex and Tiki. ( I tend to dream about her when she is having some kind of crisis)

Watch a pretty depressing movie. I am not sure why I tend to watch depresing movies. I think its if I keep watching them, and i dont kill myself aftward, some how I have claimed another victory.

Anyway, its called The Last Kiss. And it was kind of a familiar tale to me. Someone is bored with their life. Everything is too predictable. People tell this person you are so lucky to have such a person in your life who cares about you. And all they can see is the bad and that sometimes being content is better than getting the butterflies. But the ending is kind of a... WTF happens.

I keep telling myself one more big depressing hurdle coming up. The date of my Wedding anniversary. January 8th. Its almost a nightmare that after 2 of these I still hurt. Time does heal but it can sometimes feel more like forever. I did not cry this Christmas, but I did feel the heartache. Loving someone deeply is only a pleasure if it last forever. But these days what really last forever.

Good Night All

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