Saturday, May 14, 2005

To Family...

Its official, its been 30 days since the paper work for our divorce was filed. 30 more before we start the actual divorce procedures. I am at the halfway point of the most miserable time I have ever known. And tomorrow it is my birthday. Fitting in someway.

Ok, I lay awak tonight thinking about something. In a few weeks we have a 3 day weekend coming up, Ok most of you do, I will more than likely have to work. And all I can think about is my wife's family.

Who knows we are getting divorced to this point. She rarely talked to her extended family. So I am not sure they know unless they hear it through her mother. They always have a dinner for every holiday. Memorial Day was usually a cook out.

I have been thinking alot about my niece. Even though I guess after the divorce she wont be mine anymore. How she loved her Uncle, me. Everytime I seen this little girl, it made me realize that is what I wanted too. I wanted my own son/daughter.

The last time I seen her was at her 5th birthday party, it was only 2 weeks before we had the fight that split us up. I had a good time, and during the entire event all i could think about was in 9 months I may be holding my child. My wife had missed her period by a week.

Three days before, I told her that I wanted to wait until after Madison's birthday party to take a pregnancy test. We had had some many false hopes that for once I wanted to have hope again. If only for a week longer. I wanted to feel this happy for just a wek longer.

We left the party and we held hands, we laughed and visited place in my wifes hometown of Bloomington. We went to dinner, we went to look at fish at a pet store. We talked and loved and kissed. It was one of the most happy times I can remember in recent history.

We came home, and I was ready to make love to my wife. And then my happiness faded. She had started sometime on the way home from Bloomington. It was so hard to hold tears back like that. She was not pregnant and we did not even need a test to tell us that.

So I sat tonight thinking of Madison, what has everyone told her about me. That her fun loving uncle had cheated on his wife. Thats what she had been telling her co workers. I had tried to call her mother after she found out we were divorcing, she would not even talk to me. I am sure she told them I cheated on her. Or worse that I beat her up.

Yet they had only seen me a few weeks before holding hands with my wife, laughing and touching. How could they believe that about someone who they bragged about writing letter to the editors, explaining how much some ones wife she mean to them. How could they think bad of me, how could they believe I would do anything to hurt her.

Yet she told them something, becuase her dad would not even give me a refrences for a job in the company he worked for. So if all she told them was she was unhappy and wanted a divorce, then why could he have not given me a good refrences.

This is the same man that always tried to one up me every year with some horrible gift. Who always cut up with me. And even told me I was his favorite son in law. (Granted I was his only Son-in-law)

So what has Madison been told about me. What will it be like the next time she ask my wife, where is her favorite uncle. Me.

To Family...