Friday, May 27, 2005

Insomnia... What the Bleep do we really know.. And I have to give something to my wife tomorrow

Well Bloggites, I am here, at 12:34 writing to you guys after going to work to retrain someone how to close. I obviously screwed up somewhere and now have to pay with my mistake with the lack of sleep. Of course its not much for someone who is an insomniac as of late.

I was sick earlier, so i layed on the Basement futon and watched So what the bleep do we really know. A movie that uses quantum physics to explain how we perceieve life, emotions and just the known world. I dont know what disturbs me more, the fact that people believe this crap, or that I understood it.

I just have a hard time believe emotions are the biochemical reaction of the brain and that we become addicted to them. Its hard to imagine love as being anything but a chemical reaction and that we can just feel it toward anyone. I hardly believe that because I know love at first site exsist.

I knew when I met my wife for the first time that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Not what she is now, but what she was then. To me she was the most beautiful thing God ever set in front of my path. I felt so lucky to be with her. I knew within two days i wanted to marry her.

That is heart wrenching in itself, its sad and lovely at the same time when you know what the situation is now. But to think that those feelings were nothing more than biochemical procedure is just insane. There is no way science can interuprt what all of us have experienced at one time or another... Fate

I believe in the great wheel of Fate. Fate put my wife in front of me to know that life has love, then it took her away to show me I have to rely on myself and not on others. Fate told me when we broke up the last time that she would tell me she loved me again. This time fate tells me she is gone for good. Fate made me have hope for my future, and at the same time it is telling me the same thing. These are not chemical reactions. These are parts of personality, not of chemicals I am feeling from a day to day basis.

We all have our own personalities and fate moves those long as well. What ever movies fate in your universe, in the end, it still moves. If we were addicted to emotions, then why would people who are addicted to sadness kill themselves. Because if you are truly addicted to sadness you would fight harder to live because you need the fix.

So argue your point if you must but in the end I find the theory to be easily disproven. Because I know love and Fate exsist. Becuase without them we would not be who we are today. We would all be the same, and we would lack personality.

I want to take a few minutes tonight to share something with you. I went in to my job tonight, and the last customers for the night left me feeling ashamed because I have been thinking of my own problems. We had a soldier who was just realeased from medical leave to return home because he was injured in the middle east (not sure if it were Iraq or Afghanistan) and he had lost one of his kidneys from a scrapnal wound from a roadside bomb.

This young man was younger than me. And he was out tonight having a good time with his buddies, one of which was pretty inhebriated, and relieved to have his good friend with one good kidney home. So happy in fact I think he consumed enough alchol for the both of them. I dont know where you all stand on the war against Iraq. I myself am a proud Bush supported, but I just want everyone that reads my blog to at least thank a soldier for what they do for us. Because that is one man who lost something that will cause him to suffer for the rest of his life. But to all his buddies, he was a hero. And like his friend said when he walked out the door boasting about his friend, "If you dont like America, then you suck dog dxxK."

I have to take the mail to my wife tomorrow, I have to do it before her office opens, so i am just going to slide the envelope into the rent check night box. She obviously doesnt wish to see me anyway.

Then again its probably a chemical reaction that she is just not addicted to my love anymore...

Robert signing off