Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Sleeping Arangements

Well my ex wife has left the millionaire again. She said he is too immature (something she said about me also) Then she told me after four beers that the two of them had been sleeping together over the last few weeks.

It stung a little bit. Especially when she told me (I cant blame her I started asking questions) that he was good in bed also. Great so he has money, and he is good in the sack. No wonder she doesnt want me.

But there is one little problem with him, he is a jerk. On her birthday, he did not give her a card. He took her out to dinner, but no gift, no card, for someone you are having sexual intercourse with. How many ladies would stand for that out there.

My ex said she feels like she will be single for the rest of her life. You know thinking back it was not the sex that kept us together, I was okay in the sack but I knew that i was never the best. I did the best I could with what i was given. I made love to my wife the best and onlt way i knew how.

What kept us together is what we did tonight. We talked and laughed and cut up. I picked her up and lated her in bed. Joking and touching and giggling. Okay she was drunk on 4 beers, but she was having a good time. I think she missess the good times we use to have before we were married and before my Dad passed away and my mother moved in.

She missed the me who was funny and cute. Who would do stupid things to make her laugh, or pick her up and carry her away. I am a very strang guy. I can pick her up with one arm and carry her.

It was times like tonight i miss the first years we were together. living alone, doing what we wanted. I miss going on the trips by ourselves, even if it was to go watch fire works while driving down the Loyd Expressway, we could see the riverfront and all the cars lining up on the expressway. We pulled over and watched them. That is how we spent our first fourth of July.

I wish she loved me again. I wish we could go back and fix all this. i still wake up wishing for all this to be just a really long nightmare. I wish i could wake up and fix this.

If this is the way our relationship was to end, then why did so many mistakes get us here. Why did she call me back 7 years ago after we broke up. Because I paged her. I paged her cause I was scared i would loose her forever, because a satelite had went down, and 90% of the pagers went out that day. She called back, and 2 days later her pager service had expired and she had not renewed. 2 days difference in timing and we would not have ever gotten married.

So why if this is right God, then why does it fucking hurt so bad? Why do i still get this tingle in my gut when I see her, a tingle in my chest that no one else has ever given me. If she was not my Soul Mate, then who is, and why not have given her to me seven years ago.

Why Does love hurt. Shouldnt life be perfect. Shouldnt we all have passionate kisses like i would give her for no reasons sometimes right after she walked into a room. What happened to the me that use to do those things. Am i still stuck in a fairy tail utopia why this miserable half cries out for the one thing he always wanted, but now cant have.

Or does part of hr still want me and feels like she has betrayed me and everyobne else to the point that she looses more by loving me than she feels she will ever gain.

But right now all i know is my sleeping arangements remain the same, A king sized bed holding an empty heart

Anyway i did something nice, I put a link to her blog also, since she started one. Please dont be mean to her. We are having a nie time being friends, even if i still find myself in love with her