Friday, June 10, 2005


Well I guess I can have a rebachelor party now. I signed the divorce papers this morning. Not that I thought that I wouldn't. It was for the best after all, at least that is her story.

I signed the papers because its what she wanted. Not what I wanted. I wanted to stay married to her but, things happen for a reason. I stil love her and there is always going to be that love.

The divorce will be final on Monday. TOmorrow I am going to go out and find me an apartment, and a vehicle. I am going to try to move out this week. At least everything I am going to want to keep. Everything else the bank can take possession of because I am filing bankruptcy. So if updates get a little flakey you know why.

I did ask my wife if she wanted me to come over saturday night and watch movies. She seemed to act like she was not going to have anything to do. She would call me. That usually means that she has plans with another male on Saturday. I guess maybe she was only being nice to me up until this point because she wanted to make sure I signed the papers. We can see how in the next few days how she treats me if she really wants me as some part in her life. Maybe we can still be friends, but I still love her. I hold out hope that she will see she has been looking in the wrong palce for happiness, and come back to me.

I told her she needs to schedle another Dr. appointment. She has been having some major cramping and headaches. So I am still very concerned about her health. I am still planning on being there for her if she needs me.

I bought my own tarot cards. After the lawyers office we went to the park for a half an hour and we talked. I gave her a reading, it was funny

The first card I lay down for herself meant, that she needed to stay and clean up the mess of a bad situation. She thought I was lying at first. Whenit got to the card of her self image (How she sees herself) It came up as the devil. Then her outcome card at the end basicaly said she will not have to wait long for an outcome. Pretty funny.

I have never lived on my own. I have lived with her, or my parents for every bit of my 28 years on this earth. I am excited about living alone, but at the same time I am worried that I will always be alone. I guess that is normal after a divorce you did not want. You wonder if you were just easily discared, that you will never be loved the way you loved another again.

Well I am signing off. I am now the divorced part... now we move on to the dealing.