Tuesday, June 07, 2005

My wife and her health

I had put up a little to much information on my last blog message, so I took it down. Its a little too personal what is going on with her. Lets just say my soon to be ex wife is possible going to become very ill.

In the last 4 days I have talked to her on the phone, text messages, and even been to her aprtment 3 times. We talk, and we talk about the things we each failed to do in the marriage. We have talked about who we have dated and what we have done with these women. (I have been a complete gentleman, I have not even kissed anyone since her, and she does not believe it.) Some of this hurts. Because I really think she jumped the gun.

Now I dont know what to do. She told me she wants me to date, so I can move on with my life. That she is not going to get back with me. She is not seeing anyone, officially. But she broke up with a guy 2 weeks ago, and she is seeing him tonight at a friends b-day party.

I worry about her. She feels awful for everything she put me through, and she is acting like she is at the final stages of death. Like she has no chance, and she does not even know how bad it is.

I went to see her last night. She wanted me to bring over some paperwork for her bankruptcy. So I took it over to her. She made me some ice cream. Then we talked, as he evening progressed, we started talking about things. Then she started feeling sick. Throwing up and other things that come from the state of her health.

I sat by her as she got sick, rubbing her back. Just trying to comfort her. SHe has started to worry me. Then she lay in the floor and just seemed to be in agony. And we both almost fell asleep in the floor.

I left about 12:45 am,and called her from my cell phone. I came in a checked the blog while we talked. Then I tried to get off the phone about 1:00 am. She seemed to be dissappointed, so I stayed on a little longer. Till about 1:45 and she seeemed to be getting tired, so i let her go.

I really hope I am doing the right thing. Because all I can do is think about her health. I dont want her to die, and she keeps telling me I need to move on and that she will be fine. I dont want her to think that I am putting my life o hold to be with her. That just makes her feel guilty. It bothers her becuase after everything she has put me through, hurt me, and dragged by good name through the mud, I am the only person who is still standing by her.

She told me on the phone one night that she did not want me to help her through this because , "I have hurt you enough already." If I watch her suffer, she is not hurting me. I want to be there for her, to help her cope. Everyone does stupid things, and hers has cost her her friends at work. No one at her job talks to her anymore. Becuase they found out one way or another that she had lied about me. They found out I never cheated on her.

And for you people who love the tarot cards I want to let you in on a reading a friend of mine game me. I can't remember the names of the cards but it was a King Arthur deck so I will tell you the cards. Very revealing. It was a love on past present future.

Past= Morgan Le Faye= It means deciet, a lier, giving off an illusion. It meant that some one in the past had lied to me, a past realtionship. That could only represent my wife. Its to uncanny, but it gets weirder yet.

Present=TOWER= the single worst card in the deck. It means total anniliations, it is destroyed, no hope of fixing it, over, demolished. Well the only thing I can think of is my marriage is destroyed, over gone.

Future = Lovers = Pretty self explanitory. Now here is the weird thing. Who was this card. The girl I wanted to know about has not spoke to me in a week. So its obvious that she is not my lover. So its very interesting who this lover card is.

Well I came, I saw, I blogged later. And you should pray for my wife. Even if you have read this blog and hate her. I wish everyone would send a little prayer for me or her, cause my life is in utter turmoil.

My divorce will be final on Monday. 6 more days until I become another statistic.

Fun fact you should know. The #1 divorce capital in the world is Las Vegas. The #2 is Evansville, IN where I live. Scary huh.