My dealing with a divorce, coming to term with it, the stress of it and the search to find love again.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Please Don't Wake Me
I have a lot to be thankful for this Valentine's day. I have been going through the motions, and preparing mysefl to waking up from this beautiful dream. Melanie is wonderful, more than I could have ever asked for.
She spent 2 hours with me at work. She brought me a Valentine present. A pug clock with a wagging tail. And a box of reese's cup minatures valentine heart. Yum, I love me some Reese's cups. I just hope that Reese does not come back and try to take them back... (sorry old Mitch Hedberg joke)
Our First date is shaping up for Saturday. We are shooting to go see Catch and Release. And I am thinking about going for ice cream, unless it is just way to cold for ice cream.
We kind of have plenty of "dates" planned. She talked about a few movies she would like to see. So i figure there may be a few hanging out dates. Which is fine me.
I just have a good feeling about this girl. Silly I know, and most of you think I say this about every gir. But I can tell you that Melanie makes me excited. She is special.
Well good night I am getting ready to lay down and snooze...
So i have been thinking a little bit about what to do with this blog. You see, things seem to be going well, and I do not want to jump the shark. But if things continue to go this well, I thing this blog has to die.
I am not saying I am going to quit blogging. But since I found the girl that stops my heart, and who is intersted in me, can I really continue using the blog address, Thedivorceididnotwant.blogspot.com
Just a thought. I may leave this blog up, and link to a new one, or I may delete this blog all together, and have you guys follow me down the yellow brick road. But all that in due time I guess...
I have not asked her out yet, but we are taking things very slow. She is a shy person. And I love talking to her. I make her laugh. I like making her laugh. laughter is a valuable part of any relationship. So is respect, and I have a lot of respect for her. There are times that i talk to her, and I see the Good in myself. We have a lot in common.
Last night we were chatting away. And my internet connection dropped out. All my online programs stopped functioning, I could not connect back to messenger. I kept unpluging my modem and everything. Nothing would bring it back up. The only thing I could use my internet for was to send an email.
I had to shut everything down and turn it back on. That fixed the problem. But in that time she had sent me an email and an IM asking if I was okay. She thought my apartment blew up or something, the way I went away. I like that kind of concern.
She also had to gve me crap about the Colts winning the Superbowl. I made such a big deal about how Payton Manning was going to choke, I was wrong and she had to rub it in.
Anyway not much to say as of yet. I just wanted to ask you guys what i should do about the blog, what would you do?
Yes I now have her cell phone number. I gave her mine, in case she had some car trouble in the morning due to the snow. After she went to bed she text messaged me to tell me that it was snowing. So I know have her phone number, and I even think she was hinting about me coming over in the near future, because she told me she wanted to show the pics of her while she worked at Disney World.
You know that saying, My cup runneth over. That popped into my head when I started chatting with her the other night. Because when i realized it was really her. I could see this chalice in my minds eye. I could see this liquid being poured in it. And as the liquid spilled over and poured across this table, tears began to leak out of my eyes. Because at that moment, I was filled with so much happiness that it could not be contained inside me.
This all started with me last week. I thought I wrote about this last week, but looking back on it, I see I did not. I know I told you about the Xbox discussion. Well the next week, I was getting ready for work. I knew I would see her on Tuesday.
A voice calmly spoke to me. Robert, wear your good button up Blue shirt that you got for Christmas, last year. I was like okay voice in my head, no problem. And then also wear your blue jeans. Yeah okay, whatever, thats a little weird.
There you look all good now. I walk into the bank. I had pep in my step. Lately I have just been in a better mood.Of course she was waiting for me at the counter, okay not for me, but you know for work.
She looked at me and said, "You look nice today, I like that shirt." Then I heard that little voice in my head actually laugh. Told you so. We talked a little bit, abut Books, and how she spent 4 months working at Disney world. It was nice, and no big line so i lingered to talk to her.
Good day. Then Saturday, it was warmer here. 47 degrees. The voice again made a suggestion. Do not wear your coat into the bank. Wear that shirt that your friends like, and just go in there like that.
Again she was waiting the counter. (Now for those of you playing at home. In the last 3 months, she had not been doing anything on the counter. She had been stuck in a drive thru)
"So you are not even wearing your jacket today are you? I did not eithier, it feels almost like Spring out there."
Another giggle from that voice in my head. Now to add a little more giggle to the story. The night before I went to get Chinese food. I had such a craving for it. When I looked at the fortune that night. And I will let you read this one to yourself.
I will no longer doubt the power of fortune cookies. The next day, she looks me up. Sends me a message.
She is a very shy person. I think she was too nervous to call me. We spoke about a lot of things. I flirted with her. I told some of my jokes, and I think I only mentioned my ex wife once, because it pertained to Tiki. Anytime I thought about writing something out of context, I would hear, erase that.
She is just an honest Sweetheart. When I got up the next morning I sent her a message telling her that I had a good time talking to her, and that I hoped she had a good day.
She sent me one back later, while I was at work. That she liked talking to me too, and she hoped I had fun visiting with my mom, and she would see me on Tuesday at the bank.
I did not ask for her phone number yet, I did not ask her out yet. I asked her some of the things she liked to do. (She gets points for answering bowling and mini golf) and I asked her about a few places, (like old chicagos pizza, and coldstone creamery) (She loves pizza and Ice cream) Both of which she answered, No but I would like to go sometime. I kind of wondering if she was hinting at me to ask her out. I am afraid to be too forward and scare her off. I have to take this nie and slow.
I mean would Ricky Bobby drive 199 laps, and then screw it up because he wanted to slow it down. Hell no, because if you are not first your last. He would win that Nextel Cup.
I joked arond with her the other night. I changed my Instant messenger pic, to a little dog with Huge glasses on, and she thought that was cute. I said I wanted to change it from my ugly mug :)
She told me I did not have an ugly mug. How sweet of her.
We started putting pics up of ourselves. Every pic she put up was gorgeous, I even told her I thought she had the prettiest smile, and that she was gorgeous. I was not blowing smoke. Her pics were really good. Maybe I am just biased. I have none to share of her yet.
But she gave me her email address. So I can email her when she is not online. I thought about seeing how things go, and if she seems still interested to see if she wants to go see Catch and Release. Not sure yet, do not want to tip my hand too early. You spill your cup that way.
I will let you know how it goes later. Wish me luck. Pray for me because i really think God has a hand in this one. And I have Faith it is going to turn out the way I want it to.
For game of the year that is. I had inadvertantly took in all the hype surrounding Gears of War on 360. Yes the graphics are beautiful. But the downside to the online game is, its simply bores me to tears. Even My friend Masta Chi3f cant keep me from zonning out and wishing we could play Rainbow 6 Vegas.
Its been on e of those gaming weeks. Which I am sure my blog will tell you. I have earned quite a few new acheivement points. One of which tonight, i got up and danced and did my best impression of Will Smith from Independence Day.
"Thats right, I am going to lay all your friends right down beside you just like that."
It was a Giant Worm, and it was fun taking down. And it was a 50 point acheivement for Lost planet. And I loved getting it.
Okay enough Game talk. I may just start a blog were I talk about games. Since I am sure most of you could care less about this part of my life, but it is who I am. I am just a man, a wireless controler and I heart of Gold.
One more funny story. I am laying in bed monday night, tuesday morning. When my cell phone goes off at three in the morning. Its a weird text message for 3 in the morning. "Hendy is this you?"
I recognize the number somewhat. It is a number from England. I knew who it was right away. Masta Chi3f. I thought maybe he slipped down into some sunless demension and one did not know what time it was over here and 2 he needed my help to get him out.
Neithier was the case. He knew exactly what time it was. He was so excited that he figured out how to send me text message from Europe that he could not wait till, I got out of bed in 5 hours. Then he kept sending me messages, asking about my mom, how things went with bank girl, and where my mom bought the candle we sent him, because his mom wanted one. Again things that could have been brought up to me 5 hours from now.
I told bank girl this story, and she seemed very intrigued with Xbox live at that point. Asking me question, telling me how cool it all sounded. Yeah she could have been the one, you know if she had wanted to be the one. Still I can be nice for her, and maybe show her more of my light hearted side, instead of the side that makes me look heavily burdened with life. Who knows? Not getting my hopes up, of course.
I am trying to live a better and heart felt life. I hate to say that outloud, because it seems when I become to Optimisitic, something bad happens, but at the same time I am just fucking tired of being depressed. Which has gotten a lot better since the Holidays are over.
My mom's Doctor visit went okay, well at least they have not put her on the inslin shot. She does have to go back to the Doc in 2 months thought to see if she can drop her Diabetic number. I think she can do it if she lays off the snack cakes. Hey like mother like son.
Hey everyone, first thing is first. The girl from the bank has not called. So I really think she was not interested at this point, and the worst part is I have to face down my demons for being a moron and even trying. I will have to see her on Thursday, and I just dont want her to feel bad for not being interested. Oh well its my mess. I will clean it up. But I guess unless things change this is the last time you will see the phrase Bank Girl, for some I am sure it is a relief. The ex is right, I am truly going to end up alone.
Now onto other things equally depressing. My head was pounding all weekend. So much so I could do nothing but sit there and take it. I mean when life started fucking me over, my head hurt so bad from the bending over than the actual ass pounding. So I knew one thing, I was going to have to go to the doctor. And I hates going to the doctor.
Seems I have a very bad sinus infection. Paid the Doctor Bill: $30 Decongestant: $15 after Insurance Antibiotic: $50 after insurance Total: $85.
Add more money to my poor mother because I have nothing. It broke my heart enough to start crying again. Sure I am a crybaby. I am very metrosexual in that way, I am upfront with my feelings. It just hurts, some days it just adds up so much that I hate what i have become. I just got my car fixed last week. , she just bought me a car.
At the doctor's office I had to be weighed and blood pressure taken. I waited to hear about how bad my health was. Apparently God does not listen when you tell him you just want to die. Because while I have been bitching and moaning about how much I want to die since my divorce. I actually did loose the 40 lbs even according to the Doctor scales. Putting me at 257 (I was 300 pounds or so before my divorce) And my blood pressure is right where it is supposed to be. I have had High blood pressure since I was 16. Everytime I have went to the Doc they bitch about it.
After I got home from the doctor's office and had my little cry, I took the decongestant (that i was told could cause me to be restless and speed up my heart rate.) and the antibiotic. and fell asleep on the couch.
So anyway, I am going to get off her, I am feeliing better about everything since yesterday. My head is clearing up Anyway maybe I will have some good days soon. Later
My Gosh, i thought I would officially no if bank girl was interested in me by today.I got out of bed this morning with the world's most painful sinus infection. I would almost wish for the urinary infection I had this time last year, at least I am not using that part of my anotomy.
So she did not call last night. I was a little disappointed, but really kind of expected it. I knew I would not have to see her again until next Thursday anyway. So by then I am sure I could get over the akwardness of the entire situation.
So I suck it up, and go into the bank this morning. Which was very busy. I am waited on by the new guy at the bank, who I just dont care for him. He is not as friendly as the girls there. And as I wait there, and feel akward that everyone there knows what happened last night, and think I am some kind of psycho stalker.
T. is in the window right next to me. She waves at me. "Hey Robert," and I wave back rubbing my forehead from this damn sinus infection. "That was a Beautiful rose you left for Bank girl last night." I blushed. Okay good sign right, she showed it to someone and did not make me look like a tool, or that I was deranged. I feel a little better.
But I am not sure what T. said to me next. It started with, " I think Bank Girl ..." and I could not hear the rest of what she said, but I think she said "is going to call you." but I was not sure, she may have even said she really appreciated it. With my head, and my ears clogged. I could not make it out, but then she had to wait on someone else.
So I had hope all day that she would call me. But she did not. So maybe she was not intereste, but I wish I had known what T. had said. And i know BG works tomorrow, but I dont. So the suspense is killing me. I mean I am not going to be upset if she is not interested but right now my emotions are all up in the air. I will give her til Monday, to call before my hopes are completely dashed. But where the heck could this leave me?
Welcome to Hendy's world. A world full of danger. Boredom, Puppies, Video Games, and Heart. You cant forget the heart. Oh and did I mention videogames.
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