Monday, April 17, 2006

What Up my Peeps

I hope you guys had a wonderful Easter. Nothing special here. I did not paint Easter eggs, and I did not get an Easter basket, or a gosh damn chocolate rabbit. I really wanted a white chocolate rabbit this Easter and I could not find one for myself.

So what's been up. Not much. I have been a little pissed at my friend who left what I call a rather nasty comment on here. I just want to go over a few things real fast.

One thing I am is cautious. I don't make rash decisions anymore. I cant afford to jump into things very fast. I like safe and calm, its just me. Why have I not asked out bank girl. Well your right, I don't like rejection. And I am afraid right now, that if I get rejected I am not sure how my emotional state can handle it.

Yes, I have dated since my divorce, every women I have dated since my divorce I met over a dating service online. Its easier to ask out those women because of two reasons. One: You are pretty sure they are single, hence the reason they are on a dating site. Two: If they say no, no big deal, you never have to see them again.

This girl works at the bank I go to everyday that I work during day shift. So if I get turned down, I don't want it to be awkward between us.

Yes I do understand that I may sound like a putz because I can't ask a girl out. But when I try to work through my head as to what to do, I don't think it makes me a depraved stalker. If I start saying, "I wonder which car she drives" and watching from a business when she gets off work to find out, that could be seen as stalking. Following her home, that would be stalking.

Also, I never really said that she was flirting with me, I said I was trying to flirt with her. She has said hi to me a few times when I come into the bank, and even come over and said hi while doing something else. Does that mean she is in love with me, no. I don't think that. Yes she could have an interest, but I am not saying that she is just not being friendly.

All this is new to me, and everyone is right, if I would just ask her out, then we could get this drama over with. And I am not saying I will never do it, but I need to drum myself up for this. And sadly, I am the only one who gets hurt if I don't. (Okay technically if she likes me, she may suffer because I never asked her out, but lets just take this from a selfish standpoint, since it is my blog :)

And also I would like to point out, this is not a cry for attention. That really set me off. A cry for attention is when people make stuff up so they can feel more important. There is not a fucking thing on this blog that is not 100% to my knowledge, not true. Sure I value other blog posters opinions, but they come here to read about me because they want to. Its not that I drug them from other sites and highjacked them. If they like to read about me, then they do.

This blog was created for one reason, and one reason alone. It was a place to put my thoughts out there for me to get things off my chest. I put everything out there that I want. If you read it, great, if not that's fine also.

Further more, I have not had a degenerative mental state. I have been doing a lot better lately. I don't escape my problems, I deal with them. I understand my circle of friends think that I am using the Xbox 360 as an escape. Well we can all say that yes it is an escape, but I still deal with my issues, I can think about my problems and play a silly little game all I want to. Its called multitasking.

Oh and to others who read this blog, I am not going to give up my "idiot box". The thing about it is, its what I do for enjoyment, if you don't like me talking about it, then don't read my fucking blog. 90% of the games I play are "online". Meaning I am talking with people that I value as friends. Masta Chief (Allan) is my best online friend. A guy that has been there for me since the divorce, who gets worried when I am not online for at least once a week. Who will actually call me from England and even told me that he is going to pay to bring me over for vacation at some time in the future. So I am not giving up my Xbox. And yes when I get into another relationship, I will spend a lot less time on it.

Well I have vented a little bit. I feel better, I think you are an Ass dogolopee. I have known that for years so I guess I should have not took it as hard as I did. But I am over it and your still my friend. Now I am going to get off here. If I pissed off anyone who reads this blog I am sorry. But its my story. And I am sticking to it.