Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Reliving History One Post At a Time

I am not able to sleep tonight. I finally have gotten sick. I really need to look into the effects of depression on health. Becuase I was sick so much last year at this time, that there has to be a link. Since I am nowhere near as depressed as I was last year.

I believe I went to bed with a fever, I can just tell when I have a fever. I took one of my last few loratabs and lay down. I think it help knock it out. I fell better, and my throat and nose feel alot better.

Yet I have to get up in like 5 hours. But to get up I have to go to sleep and I just can't do it. My brain is firing all kinds of weird images in my head. And the weirdiest is a billboard I have noticed lately.

Its for French Lick Resort. Its were my ex and I had spent our Honeymoon. It is a simple billboard. Its right at the bottom of the Loyd Expressway, and First avenue. I passed it a lot of times before the ole car went kaput. its Black with White letering. In the Left corner there is one of those "Do Not Disturb" door knob signs. And the billboard says, "Reliving History, One stay at a time."

And when i think about that sign. It makes me a little happy and sad all at the same time. It makes me feel like that part of my life was just yesterday, or a million years ago. It reminds me of how happy I was when I was there and how far i am from that right now.

If I could have one time in my past to go to. It would be that weekend. It would be that place. Why would I not go there. I had just married my "best friend". We were miles away from home, and we had a good chunk of change in our pockets to enjoy ourself.

I can remember making love in that bed. I can remember the smell of the roses that filled up the room. I can still remember spending part of the night lying together, while i picked the bobby pins out of her hair. Getting up to go downstairs in the middle of the night to get a soda, and being scared to death of the errie statue for Pluto Water.

I remember starring out our window, and seing the bird's nest cradle in a nook n the wall. And the late night swim in the indoor pool. And the later night in the outside jacuzzi, in the cold January air.

Hell it was the only time in my life I did not complain about spending money. We bought a $99 cheese and meat tray. And i believe a $45 bottle of champaign. You only get one first honeymoon. And i wanted it to be special. And too me it was. This place had everything. Even its own bowling alley.

We discussed getting a dog when we got home. Which would be Buster. It was the only thing she really wanted when we got back from the honeymoon. I dont remember getting anything special, but I was happy enough.

I remember I took off four days of work. And we decided on the last night there to stay another night. It was worth it. It just seemed to be a great weekend. I think it was the first time I ever let myself not worry.

We even changed the voice mail from our hotel rooms. It was kind of silly, we had lived together for almost 2 years before that, but her parents never knew.

It does not hurt as much anymore. There is a little twinge at the ends of my heart strings that it pulls on. But then again what doesn't hurt about the life you leave behind. I have wrote over 280 post about my divorce. And its taking me this long to not cry about it some times.

It just feels like there will never be another time that I will be as happy as i was then. But I hope to never be depressed as I was last year.

I spent all that time writing about this, and I am still nowhere near as tired as i need to be to get some sleep. And this is really starting to bug me.

Anyway, funny quote of the weekend. One of the guys in our group has brought his girlfriend around. And last week she made a comment that took everyone by suprise. I did not hear it, but they were just shocked at how insensitive it came out.

"I can't believe Rob was ever married."

She swears she did not mean it the way it came out. But everyone was just shocked the way she said it. I think it offended them more than it did me. But it did get me thinking... What the hell was she trying to say. I have gone over it in my head, and for the life of me I can not see the positive spin she means on it. Maybe some of you gals (the whole 4 of you) that read my blog can put it into light what she might have meant. If not I think I am going to have to come up with an image redesign if i am getting that jive from all women.

Arghhh Why can I not got to sleep. I just lay there and toss in turn. I must have gotten too much sleep last night.

We had our "thanksgiving Dinner" last night. For all my friends and I. Josiah even went to Henderson to get my mom on Saturday. And jeff took her home last night. So i was probably in a turkey induced coma. Sorry I did not have a camera to take some pics.

I had to laugh at mom today. She told me that if Jeff was not "the way he is" and she was a lot younger. She would be all over him. Wow... thats funny. Maybe I should start calling Jeff dad after this one LOL.

This is a big week in video gaming, well i guess for some people it is. The PS3 launches Friday. And then this Sunday the Nintendo Wii launches. I guess I just really don't care.I mean I just can not see paying $600 or even $500 for a PS3. I mean nothing out there on it looks better than anything on my 360. Maybe its that or maybe its sour grapes because I know I can't afford one.

And the Nintendo wii look like a gimmick to me. The graphics are about equal to the orginal Xbox, a five year old system. Sure its got that controler. But honeslty how long can you swing a controller around before you get tired. Just cause your inivative, does not make you necessarily fun. I look for the wii to be the next big mistake from nintendo. Mark my words.. I see it as the next virtual boy with in a year.

PS3 I am not sure. I think they might come in second place this time around. They need a price drop. My opinion is to make it succsesful it needs to be in the $400 range. How many hardcore gamers really care that it has a Blu-Ray disc drive. That is the reason it is so expensive.

They are banking on the Blu-ray making it sucsessful. The thing is, people are not really ready for another dvd upgrade. People like me could care less if it plays in High Def.. I have a little 20 inch tv. I am not probably going to ever have a hd-tv. Well okay maybe some time next year I could get a cheap one. But as of right now. Its out of the question. I want a game machine, and that is why I got a 360.

Well okay I am going to escape this madness. Maybe try once more to visit sandmanland.

Good night, or morning I guess...