Monday, October 23, 2006

I was broken

Man, it has been a weird few days. Since my car blew up and all. My nerves were basically shot last week. And I would love to say they are better this week, but the jury is still out on that.

I have people that love me, and that is the most important thing. My friends have stepped up to the plate to help me out alot this week. Matt and jeff offered thier services on getting me home after the incident. After that my Thursday night was just alot of me crying.

I tried to play a little Xbox wto take my mind off things. My friend Agrippa from Xbox would not leave me alone, inviting me to play a few games of Splinter Cell with him. Finally I did. It helped me get through 2 hours, of course afterwards i cried some more.

I was off work on Friday, waiting on pins and needles about what was going to happen with my car, thats when the news was broke to me about how much it was going to cost to get it fixed. After that i cried some more. It just felt like my soul was broken.

I talked to mom about the situation, and we came up with a way to get me a car, it was just going to take about a week and a half. My friends picked me up Friday night to dinner. i did not cry, I held it in, the best I could. There were a few moments that I thought I would break but did not.

I got home, tried to get some sleep. Slept a little, but had to get up early because. I had to ride the bus.

I have never riden the bus, it really was not so bad. It got me to work, and only cost a buck. And the only problem I had was getting home. You see the bus I use to get home, quits running at 6;15 at night, which is the only time I can get to the bus terminal. The closest bus to my house, is still a 2 mile walk home. But I guess thats better than a 7-8 mile walk home. And we all know I could use the exercise. There is still hope that I can make the bus, if I can convince my co worker to come in an hour to half an hour early. i think she will do it.

The only big trouble this week is getting home late Wednesday night. Since no bus runs at the time I get off work. But there seems to be a lot of people willing to take me home.

I think it bothers me because I feel like I am burdening everyone else with the stuff that happens to me. Its not there fault, and i hate when people have to take care of me. But I would be alot worse off if they didnt.

Luke told me today that I am probably not being a big a burden as i think I am. Which is probably true. And I would do the same if I was in ther position. But i just feel like everyone else does more for me than I can ever pay back.

But hopefully things get better. I am off today and tomorrow. I need it. I want to clean up my apartment. I have to do some laundry, and I am not sure if I am going to go with Josiah to the Fox and Hound tomorrow or not. I really dont have the money to spend on it.

At least my work schedule is going to get worked out next week to help me out also. Luke really is a good boss.

Oh and a funny story about my ride home on the bus. I sat down near the front of the bus, and another guy was sitting about 2 seats over. He was dirty, and just did not look very friendly. One of my others friends called to tell me I needed to come out with them to the game saturday night because it was never good to be alone when you are depressed. Well this guy on the bus, I must have disturbed because he got up and moved. I mean was not being loud or obnoxious I was just having a polite conversation. I found it funny.

So things are better. I may have found a car. I am trying not to get my hopes up. One of or customers who i cut up with all the time has one for sale, in my price range, and sounds like it is in good working order, just needs a paint job. Let me tell you, i could give two shits less how the car looks as long as it runs. So keep your prayers, and fingers crossed for me.

Well i am going to get off here. Have a good day.