Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Plan B From Outer Space

The package was not delivered today. But I am entering plan b. I would have delivered it today, but again she was in the teller window. Lukrativ told me that if this all goes well with my plan, then he will pay for my first date. That crazy Lukrativ.

I was laying in bed a little bit ago. Trying to go to sleep. My mind began to drift over my Novel I am writing. Well at least the one I had started writing so long ago. And thinking about it took me all the way back to sixth grade.

I think this is where my life as an outcaste actually started. You see, I had went to the same school since first grade. For five years my social development relied on to key factors. My friends at School, and my friend Jodie.

Why am I such a sucker when it comes to girls. Its Jodie, my best friend growing up was female. All the way up to 5th grade we always hung out together. Then our house was sold. Where I had lived the majority of my life. We did not own the house, we only rented it. But I remember that last year there. I remember the going away party that Jodie and Chad threw for me. Peanut butter milkhsakes never tasted so good. But that part of my life was over. Jodie moved away a year later, I never saw here again. I always wondered where she went. But this story is not really about her...

When we moved into a trailer, I also lost my school district. You see, where I had went to school was Jefferson Elementary. Where I was going was East heights. So here I was getting transeferred away from the school, I had always known.

TO a school where I was totally outcasted. I was new kid in School. And with that came the bullying. I was not liked at this school at all. Early on a few students surrounded me, and were planning on beating me up. They had planned to push me backward over another student. He got on his hands and knees behind me.

What they failed to realize was that I was smarter than that. I turned around and dropped all my weight on the back of his head with a elbow drop. Then kicked got up and kicked him in the gut. Then took off running. They never really messed with me after that.

I also alienated myself that year. Because I did not join the cool kids when they picked on the smaller and weaker. I was not invited to play in the reindeer games after that.

I met a really good friend that year. Someone I have not thought of in 10 years. Eric. Eric was a little guy, he lived in a trailer park up the road from where I lived. He was a good kid, his dad had married a women, who also had a daughter, who was the meanest thing you had ever seen. I dont even think she was female, I think she was a short german man, disguising herself as a student.

But the story is not about her eithier...

Eric became a really good friend. And we stayed good friends, but outcasted none the less. But I went from being very popular in my orginal school, to being shunned here.

Eric and I did not talk over the summer. He was going to stay with his mom for those three months. His mom had remarried, and had a little baby girl.

Over summer, his stepdad got a gun. Shot his mother and killed her, Shot Eric in the head, Shot the baby girl, and then pulled the trigger on himself. The amazing thing about all that is, that Eric lived. He came back to school, he lost the use of one of his eyes. The only damage the bulet did to his head, was to blind his left eye. We never talked about it. He would make jokes, (like one time he ran into a table in science class, and the teacher asked him if he was blind... he said, "only Half". Before the end of Seventh grade, he mysteriously vanished, his dad packed him up and left without saying a word.

So I was pretty lonely, except for Ben and Josh, I pretty much stayed an outcaste. Then the school board changed districts. I was sent to the other junior high. Where all the people I had grown up with went.

The thing was, after 2 years, very few people even cared to remember who i was. The guy who had been my best friend since 3rd grade, acted like he did not know who I was. So at school I was pretty much an outcaste again. And that is how i stayed through high school, I was a social leper. When we had school functions, I sat with some friends I had made, and no one wanted to get close to us. Kids can be so cruel.

So i think that is where my Social anxieties come from. I never dated in high school. But I turned out okay for the most part. I got a few good friends from those days. I just wish I had a better social out look so things lie talking to a cute girl did not freak me the fuck out.