Friday, March 10, 2006

I love you... Did you know that?

Tonight after I got home from work. I decided that I wanted to watch "The notebook". I love this movie. It has to be one of the most romantic movies ever made. The only other time I watched it was almost a year ago.

It was the weekend before Sarah left me. We had not been talking much, we did seem to be social, but I was under the impression that I still had something with her, and that this would all blow over.

I will never forget that weekend. It all started on Friday before I went to work. She called asking when I worked this weekend. We had discussed going to see Ring 2. But she wanted to see the movie Hitch. It was playing at a drive in.

She called me from work, asking if my mom would like to go to the drive in with her. Then Saturday we would go see Ring 2 together. I will never forget how happy that had made me.

I knew we had not been getting along, but to me this was the first step to getting back to normal. She wanted to spend time with me this weekend. I knew I had to work that Saturday night, but she was going to the Josh Gracin Concert anyway.

Well when i got to work, she called me and told me that she was not going to the drive in after all. She said her friend Tiffany's son wanted her to go to the movies with them. (This was a lie. Later I found out she went on her first date with the Weasal that night.)

I did not think much of it. The next morning we watched some movies, the last of which was the Notebook. I was trying to get her to see that I was a good man. That i have a big heart, and that I loved her. I was sorry for what had happened, and I wanted my wife back.

After the movie, she had to go get ready for her concert. She asked me to come up with her. She was looking gorgeous that night. And I felt so good because she asked me to come up there to keep her company. I tought by the end of the weekend, she would tell me she loved me again.

It never happens the way you want it to does it. For all the hoping and wishing, it never does. I walked her out to the car, and told her how gorgeous she looked. She smiled and told me thank you. I think I even started to cry.

The next morning we were going to go to the movies. Well my mom dicided that she did not want to go. And for some reason Sarah acted like she did not want to go. Sarah layed back down in bed.

She threw a stuffed ball at me, and was acting playful. She laughed when it hit me. And she hid under the covers.I lay down i bed beside her, and stare at the celing. I muttered to her that i wanted my wife back.

She then changes her attitude, this love may try to come back attitude. Suddenly she tells me, well you cant have your wife back. The phone rings a few minutes later, its her friend Tiff. She tells her that she is going to go after all.

I ask her where she is going, and she tells me that she is going to go to the movies. I tell her that she can't go. We were supposed to go together. I try to block her from getting into the bathroom to try to take a shower.

I eventually tell her to go. After she cries and tells me that I am being controlling and posessive. We both go back to work on Monday.

I call her from work on her cell phone, because she had not called me yet. I ask her where she is, she tells me looking for an apartment. I beg her not to go. She tells me that she has to. She no longer loves me, that she feels trapped in an unhealthy marriage and she is not happy.

She said we would talk about it when she gets home. She is not home when I get home from work at 12:30 am. I call her cell phone several times. She never answers. I am freaking out, I am bawling and crying wondering if she is dead, or if she is not ever coming home at all.

She finally calls at 2 am. She tells me that we will talk when she gets home. I ask why she did not answer the cell phone, she says she never heard it ring it wa in the other room. She said she had been over to Tiffs.

I am furious at her when she gets home, and i do not speak another word to her. She asks me three times if I am going to talk to her, then she gives up and goes to sleep.

I hear her get up in the morning, I continue to act asleep. I hear her tell Tiff, "Nope you were not dreaming, I really did call and tell you that in the middle of the night last night." So there it was, I knew she had lied to me. She was with The Weasal that night also.

And that lead up to me finding out everything from Tiff that afternoon. When I came to see her at work, to try to figure out what was going on, to try to do anything to get her back. You guys all know how that went down.

This all started because I watched a movie tonight. Yes it hurt to remember this stuff. Yes I know it was never going to change anything. But if you ever watch the notebook again understand what it is saying. I understood it.

-You are good enough for the person you love... I wish I learned that back then, instead of thinking I was never good enough for her
- Love hurts, and sometimes it takes a break...
- People make decisions that change there entire life, for good or bad.
-And sometimes you never forget your first love.

The title of this post is a quote from the movie. Yet I really like it. But also I need to quote another part of the movie..

It wasn't over for me...

If you had ever stopped running from me long enough thigs might have been different. If I had tried harder, done things differently. Hell maybe if I wrote you a letter everyday for a year. I still loved you and missed you everyday.Even after I found out about Weasal.

I loved you Sarah... But you already knew that. Even though you thought I had gotten comfortable. You knew I loved you. Just like I know you loved me at one time.

Sorry for the sappy post. I just had to say all that to get it all out of my system.

I also official asked out a girl for Saturday. In an email, but she asked me out first. So we will see if she is interested.

Goodnight all.