Thursday, March 09, 2006

The Cat and the Fat Bastard

Okay for something that is not tinged with utterly miserable moments of depression... Yeah I know something different.

I am asked to tell this story a lot when I am on Xbox live, this one and the shit-baby story. Both of which have to be the two funniest stories I have ever heard. I am not going to tell the shit baby story, I do not think it would be done justice here. Maybe I can do it as a audio post.

We used to have a guy that was in our role playing group. He was a big guy, I bet he was 6'6" and had to weight 400-450. He was one of those guys who knew he was fat, and always joked around about things. Especially his weight.

He was over at his best friends house. He is just sitting on the couch. His friend was doing whatever your friends do when you are at there house and they are not in the same room with you. (i.e. Bathroom, Showering, masturbating... Well at least you hope they are not doing any of those things while they are in the same room with you)

Well is friend had a cat. A little bitty kitten. It seen someone sitting on the couch and decide to have a visit to the nice man on the couch. James pet the cat a few times, and the cat purred.

Now James was never the most Sane member we hung around. Most thought he was weird, but then again, none of my friends were normal. Well maybe Wil. No nevermind... anyway.

James starts looking at this cat. More importantly this cat's head. The kitten unknowling purrerd, not realizing what was going through James' Mind. The cat was jut enjoying some attention.

What was going through James' mind you find yourself asking. Well after much study of this cat's head, James came to the conclusion that he could fit the cat's entire head inside his mouth.

It should have stopped there. Do you really have any reason to prove the theory. So he lifted little kitten head up. Who was still set to purr. Opened his mouth as wide as he could. The kitten head easily slid into his mouth. Success.

The kitten however was not amused. As he held it in his hands, it began to flail around trying to escape from its prison.

About that time the front door to the house opened. His friends parents had just come home. The father comes in to see a flailing cat hanging out of a 400 pound man's mouth. He yelled to his wife.

"That Fat bastard is trying to eat our cat."

I hope you gt a smile out of that.