Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I Still Dream of Her

I talked to Charla last night on the phone. Seems she had some weird things going on yesterday. not exactly sure what, but it just seemed weird. I usually talk to he once a week, on the phone, and we get along great. We do make good friends.

I got am email back from the girl Amanda, I had been talking to. We seem to be emailing each other on a daily basis. She is very interesting and hoping to get to learn more about her.

Then i also talked to Charlee, it was a girl who lives in Owensboro, that I had went on a date with back last summer, before my divorce was final. Seems she thought she was going to be getting engaged soon, and found out her guy was trash. He took there rent money and blew it. Now she is evicted and livng with her mom.

Of all this, when I lay my head down last night, after having conversations with these womenyesterday. I have a dream of Sarah. Another one of those real dreams. Like I am actually talking to her.

It seems in dreamland she was upset. Because her boyfriend broke up with her. And his reasons were because of me. In the dream she never elaberated on why it was my fault, but it was. She started crying, and as always I was the comfort. I could not do anything I stood beside her on a bridge, while she cried.

She told me that he did not even know that she was pregnant. I thought that was a little odd about her being pregnant. Oh how our dreams play tricks on our minds. When I woke up, I got online. i chatted with Ben who was also up at 4:30 in the morning.

I finally did lay back down, but It was on the couch, I was so uncomfortable on the bed after the dream. Maybe I lay on the couch because I felt like I was being punished. Or maybe I felt like i should be punished for splitting up Sarah and the other guy. Again it was only a dream.

Anyway. i right my thought about how I am feeling in this blog. Because by putting them here, I am not speaking them in the real world. Thats the key to dealing. This is m thearpy, i dont need to see anyone. Because all they want to do is dope you up, and that shit dont help you. In esence the stuff makes you cover up your problems, and then you are not dealing with them.

The only cure for heart ache and heart break is to deal with it head on. So the longer I have these dreams, the more i resist to them. I did good, I did not call her to get the key to my apartment. Sure that would have been the easiest course of action, or then again maybe it would have been the hardest. The thing is, the problem was solved and I took care of it myself. The same way i am going to take care of this Heartache.

Have A Good Day