Monday, December 05, 2005

The Big D, And I don't Mean Dallas

Last year we bought a house from a guy. He was a real nice guy, and I did not know too much about him really. We learned about him from a girl my ex worked with, because she bought a house from him.

Well he rents a lot of movies from the video store I work at. A few weeks ago he came up to the counter, while his little girl was looking at the candy isplay, laughing and talking about stuff.

"I think I am about to join your club" he said to me. i was a little confused at first. I was not sure at first, i thought he was wanting to sign up a Blockbuster Rewards membership.

"So what club is that." I asked Quizically.

"The big D" And for the first time I realized that he did look upset. He looked tired and worried. I have to say I did not know much about him. My ex had dealt more with thme than i had while we were trying to get the house ready for us to move in.

We did not talk much about the situation. He did seem rather concerend. I just never had though of him as a man who would give two shits less if he was married or not. He pointed to his daughter and said, you know I have a kid.

Well I talked to him tonight, he was on the phone with his wife, while his daughter was looking for movies. He was trying to stay away from her, because he and his wife were arguing. he later camer up and apologized that he had to have that conversation here. He looked even more distraught.

I just thought of him as a guy that had been divorced before. I never realized that he had not. And even stanger it seemd like he was looking to me as the great sage of the land of divorce.

I talked to him, comes to find out we shared the stories of how it all happened. Wife starts telling lies to everyone about you, you I told him that sounds familiar... She gets a new boyfriend.. yup, that too. Someone shows her attention and whamo.. she is gone.

The only difference is that he has a child. A little girl who is 4 or 5. And he is scared. I felt sorry for him. I knew what it was like to think that the only person in the world that you trusted could do some much damge to everything. like me he said is filing bankruptcy more than likeyl, he doesnt want to go through all this. But what can you do, you can beg until your blue in the face but if they dont want you, then tough shit. Adios Amigos.

I wished him well, told him good luck. I hurt for him because he is exactly where I was in the end of April. So then about half an hour later my help for the night shows up.

The new guy is a little strange, he seems to have scared another employee somewhere else. So they shipped him to us. The fact is I hate to say it, I actually like the guy. He is staying in his parents basement after coming home from California.

He lived In santa Monica, and he was staying with a girlthere for the last seven years. Then the simlarities seemed to add up again between me and him. Girl gets promoted, gets stressed ou, he is the one that held her hand. Kept her together throughout the years. Until finally one day she decided that she did not want him anymore. He never made enough money. He did not care about her or at least that what she claimed. Suddenly she dumps him, and then she starts to date a Lawyer who has a nice house, a porshe and money out the yin yang.

Wow did I not see all those things happen with my ex. Yeah i guess I am still a little jaded. The new guy is like, I will never get married, i think it is a dying institution. I think some day there no longer be marriage. He said that marriage worked when people actually thought it meant something. He says now that no one really believes in the vows they take.

I disagree. I am going to get married again someday. But i do seem to think he is right. Women are getting to be worse about cheating on spouses and everything. i am not saying all women are evil like the three examples above. I know Charla would never cheat on someone. I also know that Audrey is a great women too.

I just think a lot of women do not alue marriage anymore eithier. They have made it too easy to get a divorce in this country. In Canada i think it takes 2 to 3 years to get a dvorce, and you have to go through some kind of counseling or something. but then again if their hearts arent in it. Why prolong it.

I never wanted to get a divorce. I tried a thousand times to get my wife to come home. So no one could say I never tried to get her back. But the fact is, it did not matter, the damage was done.

Yet in all this sadness, I have hope again. In all my misery, and I stood on the edge of my Faith and looked out only to see dispair that nothing was every going to change. I really thought my life was over when she left me. So i know how this guy must feel, and to have kids on top of it. I could not imagine it.

I just dont know. If there is any women out there now that is reading this and is thinking of walking away from thier husband remember this. it aint all puppy dogs and rainbows. Life can hurt, but if you rely on that other person, spend just half of the enrgy it takes to lie about them, on trying to tell them the truth, things can get better. No one is perfect. but life should never be this hard.

And remember that in the end, maybe it just wan not meant to be and that there is a better person for you out there. I hope I have found that person.

I think i finally understood what this song meant when I was going through my divorce, I hope this helps you understand also.

"My Immortal"


I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along


Good Night everyone. Have a great night