Tuesday, July 26, 2005


Well I have been an emotional state for a day now. I feel bad about the way I reacted in my post about my ex wife. I send to rage out because of anger and hurt feelings. I will not appologize for what I wrote. They were not to cause anyone esle harm. I did not wish her harm.

I broke down yesterday at work 3 times after talking to her. Becuase it hurt me, it always hurt me when she is mad at me. I always had a psychic conection to her moods, when she hurt, I cried, if she was angry I would hide.

I went out to eat with my friend Jarrod last night, I told him of the situation. He said its not wishing harm to her, he then said, "Its protecting the entire world from harm". I did call him an asshole after this, which by all means he knows he is anyway. Its his nature.

Mandi called me twice from work today to chat while she was bored. She asked what time I had to work tomorrow. I told her, she said she wanted to cook me dinner tomorrow night. Now I have rarely in a 7 year relationship had my wife cook for me. She has cooked dinner in 7 years less the the number of fingers that she has. Not that she cant cook. She can, she just thought of me as special enough to cook for.

Mandi asked if I like steak. And mashed potatoes, and asked me if I wanted another vegtables. She then mentioned salad, I told her salad would be great.

I was shocked about this, she also has some stuff to deal with tomorrow morning. Her dad has to have surgery. She was telling me that her and her dad have been fighting recently. She said the phrase, "Just keep kicking me dad, and when you have to have surgery or borrow money i will be there, cause thats what family is."

I told her the last thing I said to my dad before he died was, "I will see you tomorrow, or... Monday... Well I will see you Whenever." We worked together, and it was a Friday, so he was cutting out early, because it was a slow day at the ole Blockbuster Warehouse. My car was giving me problems So I had my wifes at the time, and he said something about coming over Sunday an fixing it. Dad was always good at that stuff. So when i was telling him good bye I said tomorrow out of Habit, I said Monday because I forgot about Sunday, and then remembered Sunday i said whenever because he knew what i meant.

I never seen him alive again after that. He died in the middle of the night Saturday night/Sunday morning. My best friend came to get me because my MOm was so upset she could not remember my phone number.

Me, Ben and my wife went to my old house, we spent the day getting funeral arrangements and flowers. When Ben drove me and Sarah home, we were picking up her car and getting some clothing. And driving back over to henderson.

I looked at my car. Sitting there in the Cold December Sunday Sun. I walked over to it and told Sarah to hold on a second. I got in my car and put the key in the ignition. It started right up, and it had not started once all week. I looked at My wife and said, my dad fixed my car and I just started bawling.

Now here is my dilema with Mandi, she is always getting hurt. Thats why she is so hesitant about this relationship. Everybody has treated her bad in her family. I am afraid of what i should do. I like her but I just got out of a serious relationship. I am not ready to jump back into a serious relationship with someone I may or may not have those feelings for. But thats not to say if I tough it out it wont be good. But do i really want to settle down with the first girl I have dated right after my marriage. It happens to often now. I dont know. We will see. Maybe I am just being overly dramatic about dinner.