Divorced & Dealing

DEATH TO THE BLOG

2007-02-26T19:09:00.000-06:00

This Blog is no more. Follow me to the new blog, or perish in the flames.

My Honor is My Life

2007-02-19T10:26:00.000-06:00

Well me and Bank girl went out on our first date this weekend. Before we went out she called me, and chatted for a little while. before I had to get ready. We went and seen Catch and Release. I am not sure if I recommend it. It was kinda slow, and it was kinda sad. But she liked it, and it had Kevin Smith in it. (which she thought he was hilarious, I told her that most of "his" movies are really blue, something tells me she is not ready for Clerks!)

Afterwards I asked her if she wanted to come back to my place. She said she would love to. So we came back to my place, i showed her my Xbox, and let her send a message to Masta Chi3f, since she seemed real interested in that. And then she played some Paper Boy.

We laughed and talked and she giggled alot. She has a very infectious laughter. I think she could laugh and make me feel better by association. She is truly unique. And Special.

I pulled out old year boks so she could see what i looked like. It was kind of funny that she is so much younger than me. It makes me feel kinda old. But she does nt seem to mind.

Her mom already seems to like me. The candy helped a lot for that. She said her mom calls me Roberto. Its kind of nice that she already told her mom about me. My ex wife did not tell her mom about me until we had been dating for a year and half. Which can make someone feel that you are ashamed of them. But she seems to think I am awesome. And that makes me fell good about who I am.

The weather was even icy here Saturday night. I walked her to her car, and made sure to be alert if she almost fell to grab her. We embraced, and she went home. She called me to let me know she was okay when she got home, and we talked about another half an hour.

I really like this girl. And it seemed everything was really natural. I did not feel nervous before the date, I felt like she really likes me for who I am. And she is so pretty.

To me she is Gorgeous. And she takes my breath away. I hope this feeling goes on for a long time.

Robert

Please Don't Wake Me

2007-02-14T22:11:00.000-06:00

I have a lot to be thankful for this Valentine's day. I have been going through the motions, and preparing mysefl to waking up from this beautiful dream. Melanie is wonderful, more than I could have ever asked for.

She spent 2 hours with me at work. She brought me a Valentine present. A pug clock with a wagging tail. And a box of reese's cup minatures valentine heart. Yum, I love me some Reese's cups. I just hope that Reese does not come back and try to take them back... (sorry old Mitch Hedberg joke)

Our First date is shaping up for Saturday. We are shooting to go see Catch and Release. And I am thinking about going for ice cream, unless it is just way to cold for ice cream.

We kind of have plenty of "dates" planned. She talked about a few movies she would like to see. So i figure there may be a few hanging out dates. Which is fine me.

I just have a good feeling about this girl. Silly I know, and most of you think I say this about every gir. But I can tell you that Melanie makes me excited. She is special.

Well good night I am getting ready to lay down and snooze...

Robert

She said yes

2007-02-07T23:58:00.000-06:00

After having the worlds biggest crush on her for over a year. When i thought my life was all down hill. The girl of my dreams told me yes

Me and Melanie are going out on a date =)

Bank girl said yes

Awesome

2007-02-05T23:35:00.000-06:00

What else can you say about a girl who brings you Jolly Rancher Watermelon Soda to you at work. Along with an assortment of Life Savers Candies.

My co worker Jess said it right tonight.

That ones a keeper. I totally agree

Robert

What To Do

2007-02-05T14:34:00.000-06:00

So i have been thinking a little bit about what to do with this blog. You see, things seem to be going well, and I do not want to jump the shark. But if things continue to go this well, I thing this blog has to die.

I am not saying I am going to quit blogging. But since I found the girl that stops my heart, and who is intersted in me, can I really continue using the blog address, Thedivorceididnotwant.blogspot.com

Just a thought. I may leave this blog up, and link to a new one, or I may delete this blog all together, and have you guys follow me down the yellow brick road. But all that in due time I guess...

I have not asked her out yet, but we are taking things very slow. She is a shy person. And I love talking to her. I make her laugh. I like making her laugh. laughter is a valuable part of any relationship. So is respect, and I have a lot of respect for her. There are times that i talk to her, and I see the Good in myself. We have a lot in common.

Last night we were chatting away. And my internet connection dropped out. All my online programs stopped functioning, I could not connect back to messenger. I kept unpluging my modem and everything. Nothing would bring it back up. The only thing I could use my internet for was to send an email.

I had to shut everything down and turn it back on. That fixed the problem. But in that time she had sent me an email and an IM asking if I was okay. She thought my apartment blew up or something, the way I went away. I like that kind of concern.

She also had to gve me crap about the Colts winning the Superbowl. I made such a big deal about how Payton Manning was going to choke, I was wrong and she had to rub it in.

Anyway not much to say as of yet. I just wanted to ask you guys what i should do about the blog, what would you do?

Have a great day.

Robert

Achievement Unlocked

2007-02-01T01:06:00.000-06:00

Yes I now have her cell phone number. I gave her mine, in case she had some car trouble in the morning due to the snow. After she went to bed she text messaged me to tell me that it was snowing. So I know have her phone number, and I even think she was hinting about me coming over in the near future, because she told me she wanted to show the pics of her while she worked at Disney World.

Anyway, everyone have a good night.

Robert

The Cup

2007-01-29T18:47:00.000-06:00

You know that saying, My cup runneth over. That popped into my head when I started chatting with her the other night. Because when i realized it was really her. I could see this chalice in my minds eye. I could see this liquid being poured in it. And as the liquid spilled over and poured across this table, tears began to leak out of my eyes. Because at that moment, I was filled with so much happiness that it could not be contained inside me.

This all started with me last week. I thought I wrote about this last week, but looking back on it, I see I did not. I know I told you about the Xbox discussion. Well the next week, I was getting ready for work. I knew I would see her on Tuesday.

A voice calmly spoke to me. Robert, wear your good button up Blue shirt that you got for Christmas, last year. I was like okay voice in my head, no problem. And then also wear your blue jeans. Yeah okay, whatever, thats a little weird.

There you look all good now. I walk into the bank. I had pep in my step. Lately I have just been in a better mood.Of course she was waiting for me at the counter, okay not for me, but you know for work.

She looked at me and said, "You look nice today, I like that shirt." Then I heard that little voice in my head actually laugh. Told you so. We talked a little bit, abut Books, and how she spent 4 months working at Disney world. It was nice, and no big line so i lingered to talk to her.

Good day. Then Saturday, it was warmer here. 47 degrees. The voice again made a suggestion. Do not wear your coat into the bank. Wear that shirt that your friends like, and just go in there like that.

Again she was waiting the counter. (Now for those of you playing at home. In the last 3 months, she had not been doing anything on the counter. She had been stuck in a drive thru)

"So you are not even wearing your jacket today are you? I did not eithier, it feels almost like Spring out there."

Another giggle from that voice in my head. Now to add a little more giggle to the story. The night before I went to get Chinese food. I had such a craving for it. When I looked at the fortune that night. And I will let you read this one to yourself.

I will no longer doubt the power of fortune cookies. The next day, she looks me up. Sends me a message.

She is a very shy person. I think she was too nervous to call me. We spoke about a lot of things. I flirted with her. I told some of my jokes, and I think I only mentioned my ex wife once, because it pertained to Tiki. Anytime I thought about writing something out of context, I would hear, erase that.

She is just an honest Sweetheart. When I got up the next morning I sent her a message telling her that I had a good time talking to her, and that I hoped she had a good day.

She sent me one back later, while I was at work. That she liked talking to me too, and she hoped I had fun visiting with my mom, and she would see me on Tuesday at the bank.

I did not ask for her phone number yet, I did not ask her out yet. I asked her some of the things she liked to do. (She gets points for answering bowling and mini golf) and I asked her about a few places, (like old chicagos pizza, and coldstone creamery) (She loves pizza and Ice cream) Both of which she answered, No but I would like to go sometime. I kind of wondering if she was hinting at me to ask her out. I am afraid to be too forward and scare her off. I have to take this nie and slow.

I mean would Ricky Bobby drive 199 laps, and then screw it up because he wanted to slow it down. Hell no, because if you are not first your last. He would win that Nextel Cup.

I joked arond with her the other night. I changed my Instant messenger pic, to a little dog with Huge glasses on, and she thought that was cute. I said I wanted to change it from my ugly mug :)

She told me I did not have an ugly mug. How sweet of her.

We started putting pics up of ourselves. Every pic she put up was gorgeous, I even told her I thought she had the prettiest smile, and that she was gorgeous. I was not blowing smoke. Her pics were really good. Maybe I am just biased. I have none to share of her yet.

But she gave me her email address. So I can email her when she is not online. I thought about seeing how things go, and if she seems still interested to see if she wants to go see Catch and Release. Not sure yet, do not want to tip my hand too early. You spill your cup that way.

I will let you know how it goes later. Wish me luck. Pray for me because i really think God has a hand in this one. And I have Faith it is going to turn out the way I want it to.

Bank Girl

2007-01-28T01:13:00.000-06:00

Well I have just spent over 4 hours chatting with Bank Girl. Online, she looked me up, so she could chat with me. And I think she kind of likes me :)

More as this story develops

Tuxes, Wedding bells, and Gay Retarded Migets

2007-01-22T10:17:00.000-06:00

Well last monday, my best friends fiance asked if I was really going to
be his best man. Did she really even have to ask. I mean the funny
thing is, he automatically assumed I would, never really asked me but
come on, i pretty much knew I was going to be his best man so its not
like he even had to ask me.

So in other words, soon, very soon
I have to go get outfitted for a Tux. Great. I do not like the way I
look in a tux, Maybe I will put up a pic of me from my wedding. But I
am at my mom's right now so i really can't. Trust me, i weighed 30 pounds more then, than I do now.

I have to thank my best friend though. He did keep his fiance from trying
to set me up again. His fiance has only known me a short time, but she
has no clue what the hell i am looking for. This girl from what i hear,
almost sounds like alcholic and she is not attractive, and she does not sound like she is very intelligent. ( come on i am not just going to hope into bed with some girl cause she goes out with me. I am looking for a wife. And if you are not intelligent, then i am not interested) Hopefully he will continue to weed out the bad women she tries to set me up with.

Now to the gay retarded midget. Now this is not my story, and I will not trelease the name of this person either. but the fact is, one of my many gay friends is at a gay bar Friday night.

They get invited upstairs by another few guys, i am not sure what he means by upstairs but thats how it was reported to me. The guy that invited them up stairs was deaf. And My friend, ( we will call him Ben cause it sounds like a good gay name hehehe) Ben's other gay friend, J, wanted him to come up with because he did not know sign language.
Ben:I dont know sign language eithier.
j: yeah but your better and not as drunk as i am

Fine he goes upstairs. Immediately Ben has this guy come over and start flirting with him. Now when he describes this guy we all started laughing. He was 5 feet tall. (okay not quite a midget) He had really high cheekbones, big ears, and a tal forehead. Ben described him as ( a Kender, a halfling from dragonlance novels. As displayed here

So Ben says this guy starts talking to him. And the gay midget kender says, " Yeah my brain only functions as well as a 12 year olds." After this, Ben knew he had to go and get as far away from this guy as possible. The guy continued to follow him around the bar. finally he told J, that he had to go now or he was going to have to kill someone.

As funny as that story is, the fact that ben brought up that this was not the first time he had ever been hit on someone who had the mental faculties of a 12 year old. He told us he was at another gay bar here in town that he was with J again. And this guy was flirting with him, and was also mentally challeneged.

Who then stood up on the karoke stage and said, " this song is for Ben" and then began to sing sweet things are made of these, by the Eurythmics. After this story i thought they were going to have to drag me out of Shoney's on a stretcher.

So the gay retarded midget is now A RUNNING JOKE around here. We bring it up anytime we can. maybe someday we will forget it. But i would not count on it. By the way, this "ben" is not the same ben that is my best friend hehe. and if your name is Ben than i appologize to you for saying your name is gay.

Can i change my Vote

2007-01-12T22:16:00.000-06:00

For game of the year that is. I had inadvertantly took in all the hype surrounding Gears of War on 360. Yes the graphics are beautiful. But the downside to the online game is, its simply bores me to tears. Even My friend Masta Chi3f cant keep me from zonning out and wishing we could play Rainbow 6 Vegas.

Its been on e of those gaming weeks. Which I am sure my blog will tell you. I have earned quite a few new acheivement points. One of which tonight, i got up and danced and did my best impression of Will Smith from Independence Day.

"Thats right, I am going to lay all your friends right down beside you just like that."

It was a Giant Worm, and it was fun taking down. And it was a 50 point acheivement for Lost planet. And I loved getting it.

Okay enough Game talk. I may just start a blog were I talk about games. Since I am sure most of you could care less about this part of my life, but it is who I am. I am just a man, a wireless controler and I heart of Gold.

One more funny story. I am laying in bed monday night, tuesday morning. When my cell phone goes off at three in the morning. Its a weird text message for 3 in the morning. "Hendy is this you?"

I recognize the number somewhat. It is a number from England. I knew who it was right away. Masta Chi3f. I thought maybe he slipped down into some sunless demension and one did not know what time it was over here and 2 he needed my help to get him out.

Neithier was the case. He knew exactly what time it was. He was so excited that he figured out how to send me text message from Europe that he could not wait till, I got out of bed in 5 hours. Then he kept sending me messages, asking about my mom, how things went with bank girl, and where my mom bought the candle we sent him, because his mom wanted one. Again things that could have been brought up to me 5 hours from now.

I told bank girl this story, and she seemed very intrigued with Xbox live at that point. Asking me question, telling me how cool it all sounded. Yeah she could have been the one, you know if she had wanted to be the one. Still I can be nice for her, and maybe show her more of my light hearted side, instead of the side that makes me look heavily burdened with life. Who knows? Not getting my hopes up, of course.

I am trying to live a better and heart felt life. I hate to say that outloud, because it seems when I become to Optimisitic, something bad happens, but at the same time I am just fucking tired of being depressed. Which has gotten a lot better since the Holidays are over.

My mom's Doctor visit went okay, well at least they have not put her on the inslin shot. She does have to go back to the Doc in 2 months thought to see if she can drop her Diabetic number. I think she can do it if she lays off the snack cakes. Hey like mother like son.

Anyway everyone have a good night.

Robert

Would have been Seven Years today

2007-01-08T02:07:00.000-06:00

Its early, too damn early. I am sick with a cold. Again. I am praying not to have another sinus infection. I am not sure how this day is going to turn out. Today would have been our 7th wedding anniversary. Most guys cant even remember their anniversary if they are still married. Mine I just can't forget.

I have to take my mom to the Doc this morning. She is worried they are going to put her on insulin shots. The doc warned of that last year. She dreads going. I can't say i blame her. Who wants to have to shoot insulin everyday.

I just got off the Xbox. playing Rainbow 6 Vegas Online. One of the guys that works for a local comic book shop introduced me to these guys. And they are great. i get teased alot, get called Rookie even more. But they are getting me built up slowly. I have earned their respect in a few games.

And its real cool playing with people all over the world. I never get tired of it. Sometimes i wonder if the interenet is the New Worlds Tower of Babel. Oh well. All I know right now in Seattle it is windy, at least wherever one of these guys lives. You could hear it over his mic when he went outside to smoke. heck maybe they could even be EPZ West virginian neighbors.

One guy and I started talking. he asked him what the date was. I knew without even looking at the calendar. I am always going to remember this day. But normally after the trifecta of evil, (i.e. Dad dying (dec. 16), Christmas, and anniversary) I start to let go of that depression.Anyway, he talked about his son, who turned 11 months this morning. Thats what I like about Xbox Live.

But anyway, today is another day. And I hope it will be an okay one.

R.

GOOD TIMES

2007-01-02T19:26:00.000-06:00

I was driving home from my mother's apartment tonight. And I thought about my friend Mike a little bit. I do not mention him much on here. I am sure I have mentioned him before, and probably wrote that exact phrase when doing so. Partly because I have not seen him often, if at all, and partly because we both chose different paths.

But I was thinking more about some predicition he made about my life. he always talked about looking into the "Black Ball of Truth". While he did whatever this consisted of, he gave him insight into his friend's futures.

Mike was a little out there I used to think. But I liked him. And he was a good story teller. I am not sure if half the stuff he ever told me was true. But if it was he lead a very interesting life before coming to our neck of the woods.

He was a wrestling fan, so he fit right in with us at the time. We were all back yard wrestlers. Back before it was crazy. Back when it was something fun to do on the weekend, when a submission move was having someones crotch in your face. Now its only a submission move if someones has their crotch in your face and its wrapped in barb wire. GOOD TIMES

Anyway none of this has to really do with Mike. He came into our lives, and even lived with me when he and his father could not get along. My dad had this thing about taking in strays.

Anyway he made several predictions about me, and he also wrote each of us a poem about our lives and personalities. He told me that i would meet my wife in college. I was under the assumption I would meet her while I attended college, nope just like he said I met her in college, meaning she would be attending college when I met her. Which was true. I still take no fault of her flunking out.

He also told me that when I die the funeral room would not be able to contain all the people who come. He told me that I touch more people than I could every realize and that I help people.

My poem, I am not sure I remember it all. But he portrayed me as a Cleric. Any nerd can tell you that a Cleric is a Priest, with Holy powers given to them by a god. Back then I never got it. Even when he tried to explain it to me.

The poem was small but epic. I was a the most powerful cleric, and that i was trying to defeat the most evil demon. And in the end, I die. I always hated that part. But I finally understood the symbology of it. Of what he was trying to say to me.

I will always try to do the thing that saves someone. And no matter how the deck is stacked against me. He knew I would try to save them. I tried to save my ex, and even though I failed I never truly gave up. I try my best to help those who need it. But just like smoke, the more people I try to save, the more of the darkness I drink in myself. Meaning I am very loyal, and it is going to kill me.

The last line talked about the demon killing me, riping me to shreds. And the last line was. "Now no one is strong enough to conquer the dead." Meaning no mater what i do. I can not save everyone. But that I would still try.

Pretty deep, and accurate for someone who wrote that for me after knowing me a month. And fits me pretty well. I guess I had to grow up a it to realize what it all meant. That poem was written in 1994. 12 years ago.

Lately I have noticed that alot of characters in novels have my good naturedness. And in a way it is more scary than not. Are people like me so non exhistant that we are almost talked about like fairy tales.

"Did you hear about the gentleman who left the card and the rose on lady-loves car." Oh bother no man like that even exists, might as well say he is the tooth fairy's brother.

I started rading a great series by a guy called Jim Butcher. His series is called the Dresden Files. About a modern day Wizard. But this guy is almost me, if I knew how to cast magic, was a detective, and was actually able to get women to talk to me.

And Dresden has a little dark side, and he went through a very dark time. Dont want to spoil it for anyone. I recommend these books to anyone. They are funny, and way better that that wizard shit JK Rowlings churns out.

But one line I like from the Dresden files, "For most men, chivalry is a thought, for me its an involentary reaction." I like that. How many men think that way anymore.

Also started reading Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz. I bought this book for my ex a while back, when it first came out. I am not sure if i got it for her for Christmas or if it was the many items that I bought for her for no paticular reason at all, she forgot that I did for her out of love. Anyway she left an entire Dean Koontz library behind and since I am trying to open my horizions I decided to read it. And Went to the library and got book 2, Forever Odd.

But when I go, I hope they can put on my tombstone what one of Dresden's enemies put on his.

He died doing the right thing.

Robert

Christmas Time Moves On

2006-12-27T16:13:00.000-06:00

Well Christmas is over. I am a little relieved and a little sadened. I really was hoping to not be alone this Christmas. Its hard on me. I enjoyed being "in love" and without that feeling, a one bed room apartment with a little ceramic tree just does not give you anything to be excited for.

Been playing some video games. Of course what else is new right. What have i been paying you may ask. Well Alot of Rainbow 6 Vegas. An excellent and very difficult strategic Shooter. Saving Hostages, repelling down casinos and busting out windows. Good Times!!!

Also been playing the new Zelda on the gamecube. Almost finished with it, only a few more dungeons to go. These are the reasons I may not have a girlfriend.

FInally got a new cell phone. I am not sure how long it is going to work. The lady at the cell phone place said these cell phones are prone to be blocked because they are prepay phones. But yet they all use the same kind of simcard, and I final got her to reprogram it. I think the bitch was just trying to make me buy a new cell phone, I was quite angry about the entire incident. She was bound and determined not to reprogram the sim card. It works so far.

I had a few weird dreams over the last few nights, for the past 3 nights I have seen my dog Tiki in my dreams. She always seems to be trying to get my attentionto follow her, but I am always dealing with something else and can't.

One dream I was at a mall with friends. And the air raid sirens were going off, and the mall loudspeakers were telling everyone to get down and hide because if the bombers seen any movement they would drop bombs. I was trying to rush to find a friend. The entire time I was thinking if something happens to her, her husband is going to kill me. And of course I see Tki at the end of the dream trying jumping around like she wanted me to follow.

Then the other dreams also had my ex wife in them. Both of these hurt, because itwas like we never got divorced. And it was how Christmas should have really been. And Tiki was trying to get me to follow her and kept jumping up to me and running away. Crazy ass pug.

Well okay I did not have a dream about her last night, so I just hope everything is okay. For my ex and Tiki. ( I tend to dream about her when she is having some kind of crisis)

Watch a pretty depressing movie. I am not sure why I tend to watch depresing movies. I think its if I keep watching them, and i dont kill myself aftward, some how I have claimed another victory.

Anyway, its called The Last Kiss. And it was kind of a familiar tale to me. Someone is bored with their life. Everything is too predictable. People tell this person you are so lucky to have such a person in your life who cares about you. And all they can see is the bad and that sometimes being content is better than getting the butterflies. But the ending is kind of a... WTF happens.

I keep telling myself one more big depressing hurdle coming up. The date of my Wedding anniversary. January 8th. Its almost a nightmare that after 2 of these I still hurt. Time does heal but it can sometimes feel more like forever. I did not cry this Christmas, but I did feel the heartache. Loving someone deeply is only a pleasure if it last forever. But these days what really last forever.

Good Night All
Robert

Long Time, No Write

2006-12-20T23:16:00.000-06:00

Wow, has it really been over a week since my last post. Momma said if you dont have nuthin good to say, then dont say it.

But I have an audience and the show must go on, so I present to you, constant readers (The whole 3 of ya) my next post.

Holiday blues, what can I say. They suck. I hate em, the holidays and the blues. I miss eveything around this time of year. We dont need to eloborate on what I mean by that. So moving on. I just want this year to be over with. 2005 blew, and 2006 took it straight up the poop shoot. So maybe 2007 is my year, hmmm.... Doubtful, but lets give the year a chance.

My cell phone is flat gone. Yup, it disappeared from the bus station lost and found, and the guy who had orginally found it had been on vacay for two weeks. And he told me right where he left it for me. I hope the sonofabitch who stole it walks across an open manhole or something.

Oh well I am getting a new phone tomorrow. I really have felt very akward since I lost mine. Not that any hot girls or even mediocre girls call me on it. But it was still my link to the outside world.

Is anyone else tired of hearing about the Nintendo Wii, I know I am.

I have not been playing much 360 lately, actually playing Zelda on the game cube. You know, the way that Zelda was meant to played, not standing in front of a Tv and swinging your controller around like a Handicap person, or my mom. And really, how do you guys prefer to play the new zelda game, wii, or the cube. Since the Wii is nly a cube with a remote control attachment. Anyone out there played both.

No she never called.

Ahhh, I am hoping for a girl friend next year. I say hoping because I gave up praying. No use in it. I prayed for the last 1.5 years for someone to come into my life, oh well.

Wow I was wrong about the show Heroes. I hated it and found it the most boring show on TV when it started. By episode three I was pretty much uninterested. Actualy I started watching it online, and caught up, and I kind of started to enjoy it.

Still Lost is my fav. I hate that people did not like Lost this year. I really have enjoyed it. I guess they tried something different and it may not have paid off. Then again, how the hell can you get a pay off from anything when you decide that after 6 episodes to postpone it for another 3 months.

And Jericho. Another show I love, I have even got mom hooked on it. We are going to download the next three episodes and watch em Friday night. Since she had not watched it because of Dancing with the Stars.

Oh well I am going to get off here. I just could not sleep tonight. And I knew I needed to let you gys I did not jump off a bridge or something. The sinus infection is gone.And I still have a few more antibiotics to take. I guess it was money well spent because my quality of life was more sitty than normal.

Maybe my next post will be more up beat.

Later
R.

Another Glorious Week

2006-12-12T17:31:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone, first thing is first. The girl from the bank has not called. So I really think she was not interested at this point, and the worst part is I have to face down my demons for being a moron and even trying. I will have to see her on Thursday, and I just dont want her to feel bad for not being interested. Oh well its my mess. I will clean it up. But I guess unless things change this is the last time you will see the phrase Bank Girl, for some I am sure it is a relief. The ex is right, I am truly going to end up alone.

Now onto other things equally depressing. My head was pounding all weekend. So much so I could do nothing but sit there and take it. I mean when life started fucking me over, my head hurt so bad from the bending over than the actual ass pounding. So I knew one thing, I was going to have to go to the doctor. And I hates going to the doctor.

Seems I have a very bad sinus infection.
Paid the Doctor Bill: $30
Decongestant: $15 after Insurance
Antibiotic: $50 after insurance
Total: $85.

Add more money to my poor mother because I have nothing. It broke my heart enough to start crying again. Sure I am a crybaby. I am very metrosexual in that way, I am upfront with my feelings. It just hurts, some days it just adds up so much that I hate what i have become. I just got my car fixed last week. , she just bought me a car.

At the doctor's office I had to be weighed and blood pressure taken. I waited to hear about how bad my health was. Apparently God does not listen when you tell him you just want to die. Because while I have been bitching and moaning about how much I want to die since my divorce. I actually did loose the 40 lbs even according to the Doctor scales. Putting me at 257 (I was 300 pounds or so before my divorce) And my blood pressure is right where it is supposed to be. I have had High blood pressure since I was 16. Everytime I have went to the Doc they bitch about it.

After I got home from the doctor's office and had my little cry, I took the decongestant (that i was told could cause me to be restless and speed up my heart rate.) and the antibiotic. and fell asleep on the couch.

So anyway, I am going to get off her, I am feeliing better about everything since yesterday. My head is clearing up
Anyway maybe I will have some good days soon. Later

Where the heck does this leave me?

2006-12-08T23:31:00.000-06:00

My Gosh, i thought I would officially no if bank girl was interested in me by today.I got out of bed this morning with the world's most painful sinus infection. I would almost wish for the urinary infection I had this time last year, at least I am not using that part of my anotomy.

So she did not call last night. I was a little disappointed, but really kind of expected it. I knew I would not have to see her again until next Thursday anyway. So by then I am sure I could get over the akwardness of the entire situation.

So I suck it up, and go into the bank this morning. Which was very busy. I am waited on by the new guy at the bank, who I just dont care for him. He is not as friendly as the girls there. And as I wait there, and feel akward that everyone there knows what happened last night, and think I am some kind of psycho stalker.

T. is in the window right next to me. She waves at me. "Hey Robert," and I wave back rubbing my forehead from this damn sinus infection. "That was a Beautiful rose you left for Bank girl last night." I blushed. Okay good sign right, she showed it to someone and did not make me look like a tool, or that I was deranged. I feel a little better.

But I am not sure what T. said to me next. It started with, " I think Bank Girl ..." and I could not hear the rest of what she said, but I think she said "is going to call you." but I was not sure, she may have even said she really appreciated it. With my head, and my ears clogged. I could not make it out, but then she had to wait on someone else.

So I had hope all day that she would call me. But she did not. So maybe she was not intereste, but I wish I had known what T. had said. And i know BG works tomorrow, but I dont. So the suspense is killing me. I mean I am not going to be upset if she is not interested but right now my emotions are all up in the air. I will give her til Monday, to call before my hopes are completely dashed. But where the heck could this leave me?

I made a move

2006-12-07T18:05:00.000-06:00

I left a white rose and a card on her car tonight. I grow tired of this game of being afraid to make a move. Maybe it will work and maybe it wont. But the worst that can happen is that she would have someone beat me up.

I left my phone number in this one too.... and i have not stopped shaking since I did all this. This situation should be over with soon. I will keep you posted

My Conversation With God?

2006-12-02T18:58:00.000-06:00

Okay so everyone has those wonderful freaky conversation with some random stranger that makes you think that you may have just met the one called GOD. And I guess he got tired of my whining and complaining and bitch about my bad luck. So there is a chance that the Alpha and The Omega finally took time out of his busy schedule to make me look like an ass.

You see I now today that I ran into one of God's Avitars today. He is a tall man, with a Buddha like girth. And he wore a gray Fedora. And he came into rent a movie today. Okay so it was not Angels in the Outfield, but I think he got himself a comedy, The Da-vinci Code, cause if you are God then that movie is a fucking joke.

Anywho, big man comes up to the counter. I get him his movie. I tell him the total and he whips out a twenty. " And God shall provide" he bellows, okay more like he says it in a voice that is not loud, but not silent, so for the sake of argument we will say bellows, because we all know that God would have his own way of speaking.

Then me, being the smart ass, cynical bastard that I have become. I reply, "Well he does as long as you are not me." Leaving that joke out there for a few giggles since you know, my life seems like its been in the crapper.

"No, he provides for you, he just tells you no more often." Okay. This almost seems kind of strange at the moment. How does this guy know anything about me. I am just making a genralized statment about my bad luck. I guess you really can not call it bad luck because everything has worked itself out in the end. As much as I hated the last month, did my friends not take care of me. Did I make it to work. Did I make it home from work. Did they not offer support more than I wished to burden them with. Sure I maybe was uncomfortable for awhile. But it did make me realize that sometimes you can not do it all on your own. You sometimes have to take help if it is offered to you.

Again I strike back. "Well me and the big man upstairs, have hd our ups and downs over the last two years, ever since my divorce."

Ha.. Ha.. Ha.. Strike back at you king smiter. Its a battle of wills, and the next thing he sys just took the sword from my hand, and smacked my nuckles with it like a Mother Supierior at a Nunnery.

"He tried to warn you about that too... but you would not listen." And this huge grin comes across his face. Like he could see my soul through my clothing. Like he had been watching me for almost the last 30 years.

Yes he did try to warn me. And he is right when i knew something was going on, I hoped foir the best, I am sure it would not have solved anything, but maybe if I stood up to her when she told me I was a jealous idiot, or when I caught her hiding something from me. I may have got out of this without loosing a part of heart. Or maybe had a backbone and do what my instinct was telling me to do. Instead i ignored it, because i did want to trust her, even though I knew something was going on behind my back.

I laughed at him, one of those nervous laughs. And I tried to smooth it over. "Well i guess if you you cant be angry at God sometime, who can you be angry with?"

He took in a breath like he was thinking back in his head to a simpler time, when he layed the smackdown on Adam and Eve. A deep sigh, not one of agrivation, but one of understanding and hope. "So very true." And he walked out my door. No I never seen him walk on water. But he left anyway.

ANd instead of felling tired and ready to go home. I felt more light hearted and calm. And realize how silly I have been about whining about my bad luck. At least for now... Tommorow is still another day.

Someone up there really Hates me

2006-12-01T15:34:00.000-06:00

Bold comments are the good things that happened

Tuesday Night:

-Leave work, spirits high.
-Go to look for an Xbox 360 game to rent
-Leave the 4th video store, no game
-Ride home, what is that horrible moaning sound coming from my car when it turns
-must be something wrong with power steering
-cant check fluid, too dark and my stupid ass does not own a flash light

Wednesday:
-Put in PSF, still making noise
-Check the levels, yeah its draining out
-Get car to shop
-Have Jeff take me home

Thusday:
-Ride Bus to work
-Rain pours down all morning long
-Bank Girl Gives me a very cute wave and a hi
-Worry all day
-Find out how much to get it repaired
-Ride the bus Home
-Get home and call my mom to see if (A). she has the money or (B) i have to sell my 360
-Left Cell phone on bus
-My home phone Battery is so old it is not holding a charge, I can not talk for more than 3 minutes without putting it on a charger.
-Call mom on said phone and let her no what is going on as fast as I can
-I get to Keep my 360
-Get ahold of Bus station, man goes on said bus and finds my phone
-Go to sleep with a massive Migraine headache brought on by the sudden weather change (It dropped from 70 yesterday to below freezing today)

Friday:
-Call to Let them know to go ahead and work on my car
-Plan out my day, A. Get Car fixed
B. Go on bus ride to pick up
c. Go get Cell phone
-Do not hear anything about my car by 2.
-Call them
-Not even started on fixing it since 7 this morning
- Just called at 3:45 to let me know it was done.
-The bus station office closes at 5
-No chance of getting cell phone now til monday

What did I do. I mean i know things can get worse. But does he have someone else to pick on. Sure i got to keep my Xbox, but I am always fucking worried about what is going to happen next. Can he go burn some other ants with a magnifying glass. What the fuck did I do to deserve this. I am not fucking Job Give me a fucking break God, go make another bet with the devil over a dollar or whatever the fuck you bet on. Cause I am pissed.

My Blog: Late Night Super-duper Long weekend round up Edition

2006-11-27T23:46:00.000-06:00

Hey guys, how is it going. I hope everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving had a wonderful Thanksgiving. If you were like me and did not then I feel your pain brother.

Funny statement of the day: My friend Ben and i were watching Superman returns today. And Ben brought up a great point. "Man how do you compete with Superman, your fucked if Super man wants your women."

I replied, "Hell I could not even compete with Maintence Man, much less Super Man."

---------------------------------------

I swear its kind of funny cause I keep making Bank girl fell sorry for me when i am not really even trying to. Saturday we asked each other about the same time if the other had a good thanksgiving. I told her I spent mine alone and I had to work. Which was followed up with an Awwww. Posion (who was the actual teller waiting on me) Said that sucks. And I was joking around and Asked if anyone wanted to adopt me for Christmas. Posion said she would. I like her she is funny. She knows I have such a thing for bank girl.

Bank girl did ask me if I got another car. And told her yes and she seemed excited for me. I guess they maybe got tired of me coming in looking like a wet and lost puppy dog, with sad hollow eyes. Hell I cant blame em. I was tired of looking like I had my soul ripped through my pores too.

-------------------------------------------------

What i have been playing: Well the video game world is abuzz over the last few weeks. I took my 360 over to my friends house Last night. They had bought 50 ft. of cable and let me hook my 360 up to there cable modem. They got to see Xbox live in all its glory. They talked with my friend in Colorado (Agrippa) and another of my friends in England (Dotslack) I did not have my camera with me so i could show them.

Phil has really come around to the 360 this year. He was one of the many who felt cheated as a sony Fan when they announced the $600 ps3 price. So he said he was going to get a 360 soon. And before he said he cared nothing about playing games online, but he even kind of changed his mind on that when he seen me play Gears of War online. And all the other things you could do (Like download TV shows, and even movies) We watched an episode of Robot Chicken.

The game I am playing the most, its sad really... Lumines Live a very addictive puzzle game (also available on the psp) I have been very addicted to this game. I lay in bed at night and think about ways to arrange certain pieces if they fell into certain paterns. Like I said, addicted. Some crack heads seen me the other day and told me I neded to seek help for my problem.

Mom bought me some new Khakis and Work shirts for Christmas. And one of the shirts made me look really good. I look thinner in these cothes, cause they are not as baggy. Hell I am still suprised in my divorce weight loss. Went from 290 to 257. And I was looking at myself I had actually put on some muscle in my arms. Not sure where it came from, but maybe it was always there I just had to much fat covering it. Yeah, your gonna need tickets to this gun show baby...

Man I seem to come down with flu like symptoms today, and it has made me sweaty and exhausted. I layed around most of the day today at my moms while I did laundry.

I got the key to my station wagons hatchback. And as I was digging around in back, trying to get some of the left over hay out of there I found a 512mb jump drive (Which i have been wanting to get one for awhile) I felt like I should take it back to the guy i bought the car from, I mean I know they are not very expensive. But I really do not need the negative karma. What do you guys think, should I take it back to him or keep. Its nice to be able to haul a lot of stuff again too. My station wagon is huge.

My friend Josiah bought a toyota Yaris this week. He had it special ordered and shipped in to the dealership. However some idiot banged it up on route, and he had been driving a loner all week while they fix it up. At least the dealership noticed it and was up front with him. Because he said himself he may not have even noticed it himself had they not pointed it out to him.

Anyway, I am still deciding if my broke ass is going to go out with them tomorrow night to do the Tuesday night thing. I want to kind of but at the same time being broke and going to a bar kind of sucks. But Jarrod seems to want me to go so maybe i should.

Well speaking of things I should do. I should get off here and go to bed, before I hear the call of Lumines rope me back in, or the thrill of playing the burger king games LOL.

Later
Rob

JUMP IN

2006-11-22T20:10:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday Xbox 360

The 360 turned 1 years old today

I hate Holidays

2006-11-21T17:41:00.000-06:00

I really hate the holidays. To me there really is no point to the Holidays. I know I am the outcaste here. But most of you have someone to spend the Holidays with, and to me they are a constant reminder that I failed to live up to my big dream.

Some people are born to be Doctors, and Lawyers, and Construction workers. Me, I was born to be one thing. I was born to be a father. And so a few years ago when I was married and one step closer to my dreams the Holidays were always anxious times for me. We would hear the Parental Units asking us when we were going to have kids. And then we would try and try... nothing.

So when I got divorced, I relized that I was one step further from life dreams. Then found out the reason why we could not have kids was more than likely me. So it crushed me.

So everytime this time of years roll around I get more depressed than normal. And my life failures become more apparant. You know I had this picture in my head of gathering around the table and eating dinner with our families and kids and it just hurts to realize this time of year I have none of that.

I eat with the only family I have. My mom and my friends. And as good as it is, and not to hurt anyones feelings. It just feels empty. There's love, but a different kind of love to me. I dont know why the holidays are hard, because all they are is another day of regrets. Same as the day before, and probably the same as the day after.

Oh well I guess I will be okay, depression is like a rollar coaster ride anyway. You have your ups and your down. But just thinking about thanksgiving this year really has me down in the dumps.

But I hope everyone of my readers have a Happy Thanksgiving and cling tight to those you love.

People make me sick

2006-11-18T16:31:00.000-06:00

Okay, this is all going a little far. How many of you know someone who just bought A ps3... To fucking sell on Ebay.

Myself, at this moment i could care less about getting a Piece of Shit 3. The problem is that the people that do want one are going to have to buy them on Ebay. Where the price is going for 1800 or more. This rant about the morons who pay that. I think people who pay that much for one are Bat shit crazy.

Every Console launch you see these piece of shit people buy a video game system so they can triple the price on Ebay. I think Ebay needs to put a stop to this. Its mnot fair to those people who can not wait in line over night because they have jobs or whatever.

I went to Best Buy today, and there were people still camped out for the Wii, with tents and all. I actually think that would be kind of fun. Just to say you did it. But I hope there tent burns down as they sleep if the plan on selling them on ebay for $1000

I understand it is enterprise and all that horseshit, but is it really worth it to ruin someones Christmas cause you can make a little cash.

Today is A better Day

2006-11-16T21:13:00.000-06:00

She turned to look at me today, and her face brightened with a smile when she seen me. A smile that spoke to me, "Why have you not asked me out yet." Instead she told me I was late. And that smile made the cold rainy day disappear, and a little of that sunshine I sucked in cleared alot of my Congestion and Cough

I also got a car today.

Pray everything stays good for me for awhile

Reliving History One Post At a Time

2006-11-14T01:39:00.000-06:00

I am not able to sleep tonight. I finally have gotten sick. I really need to look into the effects of depression on health. Becuase I was sick so much last year at this time, that there has to be a link. Since I am nowhere near as depressed as I was last year.

I believe I went to bed with a fever, I can just tell when I have a fever. I took one of my last few loratabs and lay down. I think it help knock it out. I fell better, and my throat and nose feel alot better.

Yet I have to get up in like 5 hours. But to get up I have to go to sleep and I just can't do it. My brain is firing all kinds of weird images in my head. And the weirdiest is a billboard I have noticed lately.

Its for French Lick Resort. Its were my ex and I had spent our Honeymoon. It is a simple billboard. Its right at the bottom of the Loyd Expressway, and First avenue. I passed it a lot of times before the ole car went kaput. its Black with White letering. In the Left corner there is one of those "Do Not Disturb" door knob signs. And the billboard says, "Reliving History, One stay at a time."

And when i think about that sign. It makes me a little happy and sad all at the same time. It makes me feel like that part of my life was just yesterday, or a million years ago. It reminds me of how happy I was when I was there and how far i am from that right now.

If I could have one time in my past to go to. It would be that weekend. It would be that place. Why would I not go there. I had just married my "best friend". We were miles away from home, and we had a good chunk of change in our pockets to enjoy ourself.

I can remember making love in that bed. I can remember the smell of the roses that filled up the room. I can still remember spending part of the night lying together, while i picked the bobby pins out of her hair. Getting up to go downstairs in the middle of the night to get a soda, and being scared to death of the errie statue for Pluto Water.

I remember starring out our window, and seing the bird's nest cradle in a nook n the wall. And the late night swim in the indoor pool. And the later night in the outside jacuzzi, in the cold January air.

Hell it was the only time in my life I did not complain about spending money. We bought a $99 cheese and meat tray. And i believe a $45 bottle of champaign. You only get one first honeymoon. And i wanted it to be special. And too me it was. This place had everything. Even its own bowling alley.

We discussed getting a dog when we got home. Which would be Buster. It was the only thing she really wanted when we got back from the honeymoon. I dont remember getting anything special, but I was happy enough.

I remember I took off four days of work. And we decided on the last night there to stay another night. It was worth it. It just seemed to be a great weekend. I think it was the first time I ever let myself not worry.

We even changed the voice mail from our hotel rooms. It was kind of silly, we had lived together for almost 2 years before that, but her parents never knew.

It does not hurt as much anymore. There is a little twinge at the ends of my heart strings that it pulls on. But then again what doesn't hurt about the life you leave behind. I have wrote over 280 post about my divorce. And its taking me this long to not cry about it some times.

It just feels like there will never be another time that I will be as happy as i was then. But I hope to never be depressed as I was last year.

I spent all that time writing about this, and I am still nowhere near as tired as i need to be to get some sleep. And this is really starting to bug me.

Anyway, funny quote of the weekend. One of the guys in our group has brought his girlfriend around. And last week she made a comment that took everyone by suprise. I did not hear it, but they were just shocked at how insensitive it came out.

"I can't believe Rob was ever married."

She swears she did not mean it the way it came out. But everyone was just shocked the way she said it. I think it offended them more than it did me. But it did get me thinking... What the hell was she trying to say. I have gone over it in my head, and for the life of me I can not see the positive spin she means on it. Maybe some of you gals (the whole 4 of you) that read my blog can put it into light what she might have meant. If not I think I am going to have to come up with an image redesign if i am getting that jive from all women.

Arghhh Why can I not got to sleep. I just lay there and toss in turn. I must have gotten too much sleep last night.

We had our "thanksgiving Dinner" last night. For all my friends and I. Josiah even went to Henderson to get my mom on Saturday. And jeff took her home last night. So i was probably in a turkey induced coma. Sorry I did not have a camera to take some pics.

I had to laugh at mom today. She told me that if Jeff was not "the way he is" and she was a lot younger. She would be all over him. Wow... thats funny. Maybe I should start calling Jeff dad after this one LOL.

This is a big week in video gaming, well i guess for some people it is. The PS3 launches Friday. And then this Sunday the Nintendo Wii launches. I guess I just really don't care.I mean I just can not see paying $600 or even $500 for a PS3. I mean nothing out there on it looks better than anything on my 360. Maybe its that or maybe its sour grapes because I know I can't afford one.

And the Nintendo wii look like a gimmick to me. The graphics are about equal to the orginal Xbox, a five year old system. Sure its got that controler. But honeslty how long can you swing a controller around before you get tired. Just cause your inivative, does not make you necessarily fun. I look for the wii to be the next big mistake from nintendo. Mark my words.. I see it as the next virtual boy with in a year.

PS3 I am not sure. I think they might come in second place this time around. They need a price drop. My opinion is to make it succsesful it needs to be in the $400 range. How many hardcore gamers really care that it has a Blu-Ray disc drive. That is the reason it is so expensive.

They are banking on the Blu-ray making it sucsessful. The thing is, people are not really ready for another dvd upgrade. People like me could care less if it plays in High Def.. I have a little 20 inch tv. I am not probably going to ever have a hd-tv. Well okay maybe some time next year I could get a cheap one. But as of right now. Its out of the question. I want a game machine, and that is why I got a 360.

Well okay I am going to escape this madness. Maybe try once more to visit sandmanland.

Good night, or morning I guess...

Rob

Car Troubles

2006-11-06T15:26:00.000-06:00

Man oh man. Still no car. And the idea to get a car fell through. So We had to go back to our orginal plan to get me a car. Which means, I am nt going to be able to get as nice of a car, but hopefully I will be able to be on the road again as soon as possible.

Just nothing really has presented itself in my price range. I really hate my life some times. I just need one thing to go my way, and yet, it never seems to. I know they tell us that God never gives us more than we can handle. I am not exactly sure what he expects of me... hell after the last few weeks, I wonder if he even exists.

Lets just say, i am really having a crisis of Faith at the moment. I have said it on more than one occasion, I am not Job. I have a breaking point. You can not keep eroding my comfort level away from me and expect me to be okay. I try to do good, so why is it I seem to be the one to get punished.

Mom called me today freaking out. Her cable is not working. Usually I get blammed for this because I hook up the 360 over there and forget to plug something back up. Since I have not been over there in weeks now, it can not be me. I told her since the cable all over the house is out to call the cable company. They are sending someone out to take a look at it.

I also had to try to walk her through how to turn up the volume on the computer so she could catch up on Jericho. I think I would have had an easier time trying to help Helen Keller try to climb mount everest.

Final fantasy 12, man I love it. But at the same time it is very difficult as you progress. In a way that turns me off a little bit to it. I keep leveling up, and the monster still seem just as hard. So I kind of play it in spurts. And I am sure I will be laying off it for awhile for one game

Three Words:

GEARS OF WAR

Oh man this game is going to be so awesome. How else can you describe it. This is oe game that is going to scream Next gen game. The graphics ar gorgeous, everyone who has played it is raved about it. One question remains. Is Gears of War the Next Halo, or is Halo 3 the next gears of War.

I just got a call from work, asking a question. It seems my boss is at the hosptal right now. His mom is in the emergency room right now, and I dont know what is going on, I worry for him.

I can tell you I have walked home a few nights from the mall. Its a good walk, about a mile and half if I get the bus to drop me off as close as possible. The first night was agony. Now, I have gotten used to it. I can do it without a problem. My legs even forgive me. Now if we could do something about these evil rain fairies. It is raining again today. Dammit, I hate the rain.

Anyway, i need to get off here. Hope everyoe is having better luck than me.

LAter
Robert

Jeff is a crazy motherfucker

2006-11-01T17:38:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone survived Halloween ok. I had an interesting halloween to say the least.
I had to take the bus to the mall because the bus that runs by my apartment stops running at 6:15. So I have to walk home the 1.76 miles. Well I could have some one pick me up but I figure it is good for me to get the walk in.

I picked up my copy of Final Fantasy 12 while I was at the mall. The mall was packed with kids, they were giving away candy to the little kids. But I did not sit around and stare, i wanted to get home.

I called my mom, and chatted with her on the way home. It was something to keep my mind occupied as I walked. About a block from my apartment, I passed a guy yelling at me. He was motioning me to come over. I turned and looked at him, he motioned for me too come over. He asked if I wanted to hang out.

I told him nope. I just want to go home. He came up to me and I told him again I was going home. He tried to grab my arm, and at this time I was rather annoyed. I backed off and said i was going home.

He asked where home was, I told him down the road. He said he did not know where he was going and wanted to know if he could hang out with me. I told him no, I was going home. And he then started following.

Okay i started to get real nervous. I am not sure if he was mentally handicapped, he did not have that look to him. He may have been high, but he was the most persitant person I have ever met. I crossed to my side of the street. and a few cars went by me. He was on the other side of the street, and I heard him start to swear. Then he came up behind me one more time. And he put his hand on my backpack.

"Get the fuck away from me, I dont know you, and I dont want to hang out, i just want to go home." I was annoyed, and a little taken aback at how strange this guy was acting.

He held out his hand and said, "My name is Jeff."

I told him i did not care, and to go away. My mom was freaking out at this time because she was hearing me tell this guy continuiosly to go away. Another guy walked past us and he started pestering him, and I just hurried on before he could follow me into my apartment complex. I looked back to make sure the other guy was ok, and he had moved on past crazy jeff.

After all that I am happy to report that the game was worth it. I played it quite a bit last night. This morning I started to worry. I should have called the ex and let her know this crazy guy was on her property. I am not sure he was living there, or what but it was just creepy.

But i did not call her. I am sure some one else reported Jeff, because he was one crazy mo-Fo.

2006-10-29T20:19:00.000-06:00

Well I am doing a little better lately. I am waiting for money for me a car, but I am not so stressed about the entire situation because the city bus line and my friends are getting the job done for me.

And Thursday was one of the best days ever. Because it is the first time in a few months that i was in line with Bank girl. And I am not sure why, but my day was totally brightened.

She knew about my car situation. So I think these girls talk about me at work. It was a nice conversation. We picked up talking like we were old friends. And I got to be in the glow of her wonderful smile.

I get it. The reason why I am attracted to her. She is a light giver, an incarnated angel. She actually cares about people. You do not find many left in this world who follow this lifestyle. Sometimes i feel like I am the only one. But I can tell she cares about people.

I wish I knew how to make this girl mine. But we know how that goes. I did tell her about my Buster, and we discussed her min dautsan that she had to put down in Febuary. She told me that I was going to make her cry with my bad luck streak. (I was not making a big deal of it, but I am sure I simply looked pathetic when i walked in dripping wet with rain.)

Sigh oh well. I think posion is still tying to get me to ask her out. She keeps making coments like, She is so nice isnt she. Or when i tell her to tell bank girl i said hi, her and the other girl light up. All I have to say is, what kind of bet do you have to loose to have your co workers try to set you up with me.

Oh well it was good to speak with her, and afterwards my day improved alot. And I can still feel warm in her beautiful after thoughts.

Buster

2006-10-25T10:52:00.000-05:00

Buster and my arm (This pic was so bad of me I had to cut me out of it

I was just informed about an hour ago that Buster, who was our Min Pin died after being hit by a car last night. She took him to the emergency vet, where he died a half hour later.

Buster was the only thing my ex wife wanted after the honeymoon. She wanted a dog, and she even let me pick out the breed. We got Buster, before I even know what a pug really was.

Buster Loved me, but he loved her more. He was her dog. And I just remember him as being the biggest wuss of a do I had ever seen. He truly was afraid of his own shadow. And we have many stories of him but the one I will remeber most was the first time he was taken to the emergency vet. The same place he fought his last battle with life.

Sarah and I were trying to get our apartment straightened up. He kept trying to jump into Sarah's lap. SHe kept sitting him back down on the ground while we were picking up. She reached over and picked him up to move him, and let him go about an inch of the ground.

When he hit the ground he let out a yelp that was the most horible ear piercing thing I had ever heard. Ar..Ar... Ar... over and over again. Sarah and I gathered him up to the bed room. We layed him on the bed, as he continued his cry. We looked him over, I tried to feel around and find a broken bone. I was not sure, but every time we touched his little leg, he would squeel louder.

We stepped back away from him to see if he would get up on his own and move around on his own. The way he got up, he made us think he may have dislocated his little shoulder. We rushed him to the emergency vet.

I held that dog while Sarah drove like a bat out of hell to the emergency vet place. He seemed to be doing better, but if I moved him, he would do his cry. Tears were running down Sarah's face. She felt so bad because she thought it was her fault.

We carried him into the vets office. And the longer we sat the more Buster seemed to be better. The Dr. told us to come in. He would be right back, and we needed to put the muzzle on him.

We but it on him and sat him on the table. And this was like a wake up call for our little pup. This muzzle thing was pissing him off. Suddenly his broken shoulder was a minor annoyance to him. This muzzle was his sworn enemy now.

By the time the doc got in there again I was giving this little punk of a dog dirty looks. He was fine. Not even a sprain. No xray needed. They gave us a few pills for inflamation and sent us home.

The DOctors only response. The Smaller the Dog, the Bigger the baby.

I have missed him, and I feel sorry for Sarah and Tiki, who he lived with since the divorce. I hope Tiki will be alright. It just seems as the years drag on more stuff from my life goes with it.

I will miss you Buster VonBarron Wood

I was broken

2006-10-23T15:26:00.000-05:00

Man, it has been a weird few days. Since my car blew up and all. My nerves were basically shot last week. And I would love to say they are better this week, but the jury is still out on that.

I have people that love me, and that is the most important thing. My friends have stepped up to the plate to help me out alot this week. Matt and jeff offered thier services on getting me home after the incident. After that my Thursday night was just alot of me crying.

I tried to play a little Xbox wto take my mind off things. My friend Agrippa from Xbox would not leave me alone, inviting me to play a few games of Splinter Cell with him. Finally I did. It helped me get through 2 hours, of course afterwards i cried some more.

I was off work on Friday, waiting on pins and needles about what was going to happen with my car, thats when the news was broke to me about how much it was going to cost to get it fixed. After that i cried some more. It just felt like my soul was broken.

I talked to mom about the situation, and we came up with a way to get me a car, it was just going to take about a week and a half. My friends picked me up Friday night to dinner. i did not cry, I held it in, the best I could. There were a few moments that I thought I would break but did not.

I got home, tried to get some sleep. Slept a little, but had to get up early because. I had to ride the bus.

I have never riden the bus, it really was not so bad. It got me to work, and only cost a buck. And the only problem I had was getting home. You see the bus I use to get home, quits running at 6;15 at night, which is the only time I can get to the bus terminal. The closest bus to my house, is still a 2 mile walk home. But I guess thats better than a 7-8 mile walk home. And we all know I could use the exercise. There is still hope that I can make the bus, if I can convince my co worker to come in an hour to half an hour early. i think she will do it.

The only big trouble this week is getting home late Wednesday night. Since no bus runs at the time I get off work. But there seems to be a lot of people willing to take me home.

I think it bothers me because I feel like I am burdening everyone else with the stuff that happens to me. Its not there fault, and i hate when people have to take care of me. But I would be alot worse off if they didnt.

Luke told me today that I am probably not being a big a burden as i think I am. Which is probably true. And I would do the same if I was in ther position. But i just feel like everyone else does more for me than I can ever pay back.

But hopefully things get better. I am off today and tomorrow. I need it. I want to clean up my apartment. I have to do some laundry, and I am not sure if I am going to go with Josiah to the Fox and Hound tomorrow or not. I really dont have the money to spend on it.

At least my work schedule is going to get worked out next week to help me out also. Luke really is a good boss.

Oh and a funny story about my ride home on the bus. I sat down near the front of the bus, and another guy was sitting about 2 seats over. He was dirty, and just did not look very friendly. One of my others friends called to tell me I needed to come out with them to the game saturday night because it was never good to be alone when you are depressed. Well this guy on the bus, I must have disturbed because he got up and moved. I mean was not being loud or obnoxious I was just having a polite conversation. I found it funny.

So things are better. I may have found a car. I am trying not to get my hopes up. One of or customers who i cut up with all the time has one for sale, in my price range, and sounds like it is in good working order, just needs a paint job. Let me tell you, i could give two shits less how the car looks as long as it runs. So keep your prayers, and fingers crossed for me.

Well i am going to get off here. Have a good day.
Robert

2006-10-20T13:44:00.000-05:00

I have had one of those weeks. I mean what can I say. My life sucks, and it seems that I am not suffering enough. So for some reason that even I dont understand, God decided to lay another smackdown on me yesterday.

My car is dead... dead... dead. $2500 dead. My timing belt went last night in the pouring rain, which also bent the rods in my engine. So we are looking at 2500 to fix a car that I paid 1250 for... oh and guess what... its not like I have any money to fix anyting anyway.

So lets just say that I spent the rest of last night Bawling. I mean what can I do. I dont have money for another car. My mother does not have money for another car. So i am not sure what i am going to do. I will riding the bus back and forth to work for awhile I guess. And as for going on any dates, yeah who the hell wants to date someone who does not even have a car.

I just wsh somedays I would just fall over dead, it sure would bring me some relief. I spend more time crying and worrying than I acctually do living life. And I mean what the fck. I would give someone the shirt off my back to help them out and this is how I get repaid. I got nothing, I lost everything, and now I have no hope for my future. I guess it never gets better than this. Gee I cant wait to see what gets thrown my way next.

Manipulation

2006-10-17T23:30:00.000-05:00

Have you ever known anyone to go to great lengths to see drama. After tonight i have found out the most manipulative evil person in the world. This brain lies in thecomfort of my own dear friend Josiah.

You see the following story is real. And several key pawns were moved into place. A chess game of epic proportions. One that would smacked me in the face had it gone off as planned.

Lets see, last week, Brian and Josiah and a female co-worker all went out to lunch. Kim and Brian hit it off, and they planned on going out on a date on Sunday. Those plans fell through because Kim could not find a babysitter. And also that same day Brian got asked out on a date. So basically that ended the Brian Kim thing.

Now two days before all this went down. I was told that the place we were going out to, The Fox and the Hound, Kim's soon to be ex husband, was a waiter. And she wanted to join Brian, josiah, jarrod and I there. Hearing that Brian was worried he woul get beat up, because he is a little Diet Coke of a man. I knew I could not back out because, he is still a friend, even if I have known him only a little over a month.

So Here we have all the pawns laid out. Brian and Kim, Kim's husband who cheated on her, and also is a wife beater, Chivalrious me, Jarrod and the master manipulater me.

The day before, Brian almost made it sound like Kim was after Josiah, who can not stand to touch the flesh of a women, it would almost be the equivalent of Lucifer touching a cross. Kim had also just lost her job on Monday. josiah feeling bad for her, offered to pay for her drinks and food tonight. When Brian told Kim this, he almost made it sound like he was dating Kim.

So know we get to today and the entire plan back fires. Kim could not get a sitter tonight. Brian could not make it because he had another dae or something. however I learned where all this was heading to.

Josiah was already planning on picking her up and bringing her to the fox and the hound. hoping to see some drama from her husband, Brian, and Kim herself. Then when the night was over, he was going to ask me to take Kim home, hopng that her and i would hit it off instead, and since she was staying at a hotel while she got her housing situation out of the way., that we would get it on. Now I doubt I would have went that far. And whos to say she would even want me,( but she did say she liked big guys)

Yes he told me all this. And then followed it up with, And she will be here next week cause she already has a sitter. ANd the sad thing is, he knows I am completely intrigued enough to come back next week.

And to top it all off, her husband was our waiter tonight. I even made some comment while was walking by about wife beaters being cowards. So I am not sure how the hell I got drug into this so easily, but I did.

Josiah was going to set me up with this girl awhile back, and it seems he is going to try even harder this time. Geez I get myself in more trouble sometimes. And this is a very complicated story to follow, and yet here I am. And all i was doing was trying to have a good night out with friends.

Oh well, Shit happens right.

Human

2006-10-15T17:43:00.000-05:00

After the day I have had

I dont want everything

I just want to feel like I felt when I was with her

Depressing Movies

2006-10-12T22:00:00.000-05:00

Wow, I do not know how much more I can take of these damn movies I have been watching lately. They are warping my fragile little mind.

Let me See:

Click (Spoiler alert)

Please scroll down

5

4

3

2

1

Okay the first half of this movie is funny and cute. A universal remote that controls your universe. Ha, awesome gimick. ut somwhere in the last half of the movie it really tugged at my heart strings. His wife leaves him, and his kids hardly knew who he was.

It really made me cry for like 20 minutes, because you really felt sorry for him, he wanted to make things easier for his family, he just not want to waste the time to see the results. Its one of those movies that makes you realize that in between getting what you want out of a career, sometimes you sacraifce the people that matter

Oh man this movie tore me up. Really wish Adam Sandler would go back to his funny shit.

Then tonight I watched, the break up...

If there was ever a movie that made we think about my marriage it was this one. And here in lies my confession. I am not sure many people knew this or not. And in a way it makes me a bad person.

When my ex moved out. I went out and joined all the dating sites again. Went out with the girl Mandi for the purpose of making my ex jealous. And thats what Jennifer Aniston's character did, and it backfired on her just as well as it did on me.

I was so tired of my ex getting mad at me, and threatening divorce. I never cheated on her. I never pushed her around, I would try to do anything I could for her. And in my heart it bothered me because I never felt appreciated. I always felt like she kicked me to the curb and I was not important. I am sure that she felt the same, that I never appreciated her either. And that is what we call a communication breakdown. Two people who felt that the other one never appreciated them.

And in the end it failed, outright. I wondered for so long if things would have been different if I had not tried to make her jealous. It does not excuse what she did to me, but I was not perfect. Yet at the end of the day, it does not matter. Whats done is done.

So the movie also ended that same weird way, running into your ex on the street, and hearing how good there life is. Just like the day I ran into her at the grocery store. But hey thats life right.

Anyway I am going to have to find some really good movies soon. Something lighthearted and funny. Too much seriousness out theere in the movie world.

Also I have noticed today that my blog was acting weird, like it had disappeared. I had to republish everything, and afterwards everything came back up. So i just wanted everyone to know I did not delete the blog. I am getting close to my 275 post. Thats a lot of blogging. But I am not sure how long it will be here. Maybe some day I will change the name.

ut for now I am still Divorced... and dealing.

2006-10-12T19:26:00.000-05:00

The World According to Bo-Bo

2006-10-09T22:48:00.000-05:00

So whats going on everyone. Ready for another action packed episode of D & D. I know I am. Lots of boring, mundane, and ridiculous things to uncover so lets get started.

Well I have official been a member of the Xbox Live family for 2 years, as of October 2nd. Because we know that caused my divorce and all (whatever). And this past Saturday I celebrated with an hour long conversation with my good European friend, Masta Chi3f.

With the Xbox 360 web cam. It was so neat. The picture quality was outstanding for chatting with someone across the great big Ocean. The most exciting thing is when he pulled out the american flag we sent him, and displayed it. He showed me his room with the cam, and it just gives you a feel for how cool it is that I may never really meet him in real life. But as long as there is Xbox, I got a friend I can see and hear now.

Lost started again last week. I loved it. I think they could walk around to the other side of the Island and find the shipwreck of the S.S. Minow and I would still love that show. (Okay, I would probably quit watching it if that had happened, but you get my drift.) I am still as confused as ever, but at least the first 5 minutes gave us a few clues, and it was kind of a little bit of Alias thrown in there too. (Strange commune out in the middle of nowhere designed to look like the suburbs.) Oh you are a sneaky little Devil J.J. Abrahams.

Another show I love this year, and this is a real big shocker. I thought the best new show this season for me was going to be Heroes. It turns out with every episode I keep getting more bored with it. My favorite show this season is Jerhico. If you have not started watching this show, then I suggest that you go to CBS.com and watch the first three episodes right now.

The internet sure makes things alot easier. Wednesday nights I can only tape one show because I do not have a remote for my VCR, so I have to start taping when i leave for work, so that it tapes Lost, but because Jerhico is on another channel. But thinks to the web I can watch the show for free online, and get my fix.

This Wednesday i will be able to watch Lost and Jericho on the couch, because I am off. So I will watch both shows with my mom on Wednesday night.

Well my buddy Josiah has decided to run another role playing game. After our Saturday night role playing game, we are going to leave and go to someone elses apart and play into the later hours. The thing is we are playing a game from the 80, which is just hilarious. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and other strangeness. If you remember the cartoon and the movies, you know the basic Idea, that we are animals the get transfrmed into anaprmorphic animals. Ans my character is going to be a Cigar chomping, detective named Tiki ( Which is my favorite dog I have ever owned name, gosh I miss her.) Of course he is going to be male and his real name is going to be Tequila (Which is kind of funny becase Chow Yun Fat played a detective name Teuila in hard boiled, and the soon to be released video game Strangle Hold.)

I found even the coolest picture at deviant art for my character.

I am still talking to the girl Misty. I am not sure where this is going. Like I have said before. But at least she likes me over the phone. I am still not convinced we are going to be compatable. I am trying to feel that out. But hey you never know I guess.

I know that she had a rough weekend. Her oldest Daughter got sick because of an unknown Alergy problem. She is having to give her 4 breathing treatments a day. But she is getting better. The youngest was funny the other night she talked to me for a few minutes on the phone. Then she went yelling for her sister, asking her if she wanted to talk to "Robin" on the phone. Who would have known I would rather be called Bo-Bo than Robin.

Bo-Bo has been my nickname for most of my coworkers to call me. At least that is the one they chose for me. And now Jesse knows it because I ran into my co worker last night at the grocery store. And she called me Bo-Bo. Ughh.. sometimes we just can not escape those horrible nicknames.

Oh and the other night some jackass called me Fat ass, when I was trying to walk across the street from Burger king to work. I mean I guess he got the wrong idea when I was carrying 2 bags of food, a large soda and a milk shake. It was not all for me... its was Torrie.. she is pregnant and has to eat every 15 minutes LOL. Oh well some people are assholes. What can I say beside that. I am fat, I deal with it everyday, so get over it.

Anyway, I have babbled on long enough. Have a good night

Later
Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo

No This is Not Why I am Divorced

2006-10-02T23:02:00.000-05:00


Aussie comedy group Tripod performing their song "Make You Happy Tonight" at a Comedy Festival

I am not Sweet... I am Big Boned.. wait What?

2006-10-02T22:17:00.000-05:00

Got A New Haircut

Hello Guys, been pretty busy lately. Okay not really but I thought I should check in. I had a very exciting day today. It was my mother's birthday. So I spent most of the day with her.

Every year here in eville, we have a Fall Festival. Its the seconf Largest street festival in the US I think. And we have a lot of people who come through there.

Its all about the food. Funnel Cakes, Lemon shake up, Scorpion suckers. (With actually scorpions inside) Chocalte covered bugs, Lemon Shake Ups, Brain sandwiches, Buffalo Burgers, and did I mention the Lemon Shakeups.

We went with Matt and Jeff. And then came back to there place and sat around and chatted. I went next door and got a haircut from there Landlor, who owns a barber shop. I plan on him becoming my everyday barber. He gets that sweet spot of how I like my hair to look, A little more hair then the way my ex used to cut it, and a little shorter than the other place I went cut it.

I am seeing alot of accidents lately. Or at leat hearing the stories of them. A customer of ours son broke his neck two weeks ago, and when you hear this story, and you do not believe in angels then I do not know what to tell you.

He was coming home, it was raining, and his car slid off the road, he must have been going pretty fast. He hit a retaining wall, The car cartwheeled end over the wall, through him out. Then the car fell on top of him. Crushing him beneath.

The farmers land that this happned on, had a daughter that just happened to be driving behind him and seen the car cartwhell, and was there to call an ambulence. When her dad got down they could not find him. Because he was pinned beneath the car and was barely breathing. 4 people lifted that car off him just as the ambulence arrived.

He broke the same to vertabrea that Christopher Reeves did, but it did not sever his spinal column. He can still move his legs and arms and they think he will be fine, he has to wear a halo for 3-6 months.

Needless to say when she told me this story, I took off her late fees since it was the reason why her movies were late to beging with.

After leaving the fall festival today. We seen a car, it had wedged itself under a school bus, and it look pretty totalled. We did not see how that happened, but it was definately a sight. I am hoping everyone is okay. They still had the kids on the school bus, so I do not think it hurt the bus too much.

So anyway. I talked to Misty again last night. She called me. I talked to her for a half hour, and explained my reluctance to call her. (Because I never knew when she was home, and I did not want to wake her kids, and basically be a nuisance. I never have liked being the one to call someone, unless I knew to call them at a specific time. Its also hard to talk to the oppsite sex on the phone when your "So called Freinds" are yelling.. Rob I am back with the condoms, and Honey come back to bed.

SO I am planning on calling her Friday, and even more so now. Becuase I talked to Ben today, and wanted to let him know that she called me so he could tell Jennifer that she called.

"Dude, she really wants to meeet you bad. She thinks you are the sweetest guy." Really did not see that coming. Its nice to hear that stuff, because we know how much of a creep I was before right. LOL

So I am hoping this turns out to be good. I get leary of these to good to be true scenarieos. And even more leary of one that involves Ben in the equations. The last time that him and Will tried to set me up with someone, it was our friend sister. And I try to comment on to many things, but this girl Scared Ugly. I am sorry. There was no reason to try to bring that to me. And I have never forgotten it, oh man I have never forgotten it.

Anyway. Hope you like the new doo. I am going to rock on out of here, and probably head to bed, because I am flipping exhausted.

Later
Robert

Things may need to Change

2006-09-25T21:53:00.001-05:00

See I have been thinking over the last few days, about my lifestyle. Who I am and what changes i need to make in my life to get toward where I want to be. Happy. Why do i want to be happy you may ask. Well since it looks like I could live for awhile longer, maybe as much as 29 years (Since my Dad and Grandfather both died at 58)

So I am thinking of doing a few things. Number one I am thinking of dropping out of my Sunday night role playing game. (Please anyone who plays the game do not tell the GM I am thinking about it, he no longer reads my blog, and I need to tell him myself.) Its nothing against the game, but I need some time to myself, and maybe find a young lady. And I need to be able to have a steady time to hang out with her and things like that. And frankly I spend most of my Saturdays, and even fridays nights with these guys, that I think I am falling into a rut. And lets face it, I am not meaning this in a negative way or anything. Hanging out with gay men three days outof a week is not good for the heterosexual urges.

Next is my friend Phil. We discussed this weekend about going out to a bar some night in the near future. And the thing is, I think we would make good wing men for each other. Even Matt said it would be good for us to get together and have a straight guy night.

On other news I got reamed out sort of, by my best friends fiance. She wanted to know why I have not called her co worker back. It made me feel really guilty. I told the girl to call me, and I guess it is not good to have a girl call you only, plus I was never availiable on the weekend. (Which is kind of stupid since it would be a good time to talk to her if the ex husband had the kids) So another reason to clear up the Sunday schedule a bit. So supposedly she is going to call me (So said Ben) So we will see how that goes.

Also go t to see bank girl again on Saturday. Oh my sweet cheri, grrrrowwllll. She even used my name this time. And said she had not seen me in forever, and she explained to me about her class. So that made me feel good that she had not forgotten who I was. So maybe there is something there. But I am not holding out on it forever like I did before. I am too much of a coward with failed oppurtunities to put all my eggs in one basket any longer. I am pushing 30. Still it was just nice to see her.

Anywho I have babbled on for too long already, most of you are asleep by now and for that I truly sorry. Have a good night.

Robert

Things may need to Change

2006-09-25T21:53:00.000-05:00

Fate

2006-09-23T19:37:00.000-05:00

Some People never believe in fate. But I was reading Post Secret, and I cried when I read this. Because How often have we felt we were not doing what we should be, and in turn helping someone else because we were there

2006-09-22T19:20:00.000-05:00

How is everyone doing. I am doing okay. I was out driving to pick up a friend of mine from a meeting he had, and on the way I drove past my ex. I am not sure if she seen me, if she did I am sure she looked away before I even noticed her. It just feels weird passing by someone that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, and it is just so cold. I really do not think she even seen me.

Right now we are flooding, and tornado warnings. It sounds like it is pretty bad out in the streets of Evansville. I was going to go out to eat tonight and I cancelled. I was really in the mood for Huddle House, but everyone else has eaten there this week, so I was voted down.

I got my web cam for the Xbox 360 today. Looking at myself today I realize how bad I have a double chin, most of the time. And I need a haircut. I have not really used my web cam for much yet. I can not wait to hook up with Allan (Masta Chi3f) when he gets his in October. It will feel really weird seeing someone 3000 miles away and chatting with him on a "game console" How the world seems to get smaller and smaller.

I did talk to my bud in Colorada, Agrippa. He said he can not wait to get his Live Vision Cam also. I am wondering how well the web cam goes. They are pretty hard to get a hold of at the moment. I went to 6 different places to find mine. In fact I almost walked out of the only place I could find one, Best Buy, when they just happened to bring the box out with them.

Yeah still lonely. That just does not go away. I miss having that someone there with me. I am just not sure what i can do to change the current circumstance. It really gets frustrating when i have tried all personals ads and myspace, and I can rarely get a girl to respond back to me. Talk about a low blow to the ego. Its not like I am going for the 130 pound hotties. I am not that attracted to those kind of girls anyway.

I guess its just not the right time for me.

How is the work on my role playing game coming. Great. I have been filling up my notebook with things about my game world. Even knew concepts that I discover that i never thought of before.

I have to work in the morning tomorrow. The plus is that i may get to see bank girl, but at this point does it really matter. If she was that interested in me I am sure she would have wondered over to the video store. I mean its right across the street. Talk about a huge let down for me. After the birthday card incident. I mean if she did not know I was interested in her, how could she not after the card. So yeah, I guess it is really over. Life goes on and on.

Someone stole the Oil filler cap off my car. I know they had to of. I put oil in the car last week before I left my mom's apartment. I know i put the cap back on... at least i think i put the cap back on <:( Okay, its possible no one stole it, but so i don't look like a dunce I am going to think to myself the jackass that drives the same car as i did lost his and stole mine. Yup... thats it.

Recommended reading time.

Dies the Fire, by S.M. Stirling.
Its a novel about a flash of light in the sky, and afterward, all things quit working. No guns, No automobiles, Air planes fall right out of the sky. And total lawlessness take over. The characters are the most realistic people I have ever read. You feel sorry for them as they try to survive in a world that has gone back all the way to the dark ages overnight. And then they began to starve. Its a trilogy, the other 2 books are The Protector's War, and Meeting at Corvalis. The second one I am close to finishing, and the last one I got from the library and they will have to pry it from my cold dead fingers to get it back before I finish it.

I really recommend these books. I could not imagine having to learn to farm, and keep people safe from the stuff in this book. And the scary thing is that so far, they never even come up with a cause for why it happened in the first place.

I would have to try to keep people safe. Its my nature if something like this were to happen, I would keep those around me the safest i could. But I hope nothing like this ever does happen.

Anyway, sorry about the long post. I am going to take a bath, and read some more. Then probably play some Godfather, or Test drive unlimited. I am closing in on that 8000 acheivement points dammit.

Have a good night

Game Day

2006-09-17T22:34:00.000-05:00

So I had decided to start writing my own game, along with fiction and other items. Well I had wrote a little fiction, and I am pretty happy with it. But then I really got motivated this weekend.

I role play, I am not ashamed to admit it. I grew up playing D & D and moved on to other stuff, and even introduced my ex into it also. She like only one game but she at least tried to play. I am an adult and yes i still play role playing games, I have said it.. and now I am attempting to write one to sell.

Well Saturday night, Jesse was late to our game. He is the actual story teller for the game so, we were just sitting there waiting on him. So Josiah, and Bryan were just sitting there.

"We need something to do while we wait on Jesse." Bryan Said. He tried to convince me to run something to waste time. Just off the top of my head. Then he kept saying I should run my game as a trial run. And to test the ideas of the game, they would play themselves.

Finally I broke down and started my narative. It was called Narrative gaming, basically I was pretty much letting them do in game what they wanted. So far as they fit into the confines of my world.

They actually enjoyed thereselves. And it really made me feel good. Because I have not really felt like running a game since my divorce. I just had never really felt that gaming omphhh.

Well when Jesse got there, he seemed interested in playing my game also. So we just went with it. And I have not had that much fun role playing in a long time. I was worried there at first because Josiah did not seem to want to play, but It had to do with more of him wanting to play Jesse's game because he had plans for his character.

I second guess myself alot. So i thought I had a good idea, but I never know if people are telling me thetruth or just trying to keep from hurting my feelings. It seemed everyone enjoyed it. I think Josiah would enjoy it to if we were playing it on a different night and interrupting an already established game.

I know most of you really do not care about this, but for me this is really good for me.

Next week I am running it on Saturday again. As long as bryan and Josiah show up, Jesse is going to a theme park, so he may not be back till after 7, so I can run people throughg the rules system I have created.

Anyway guys, Have a good night.

Robert

Sex is good (Well i guess it is if you are getting it)

2006-09-09T22:16:00.000-05:00

I got asked today, how long it had been since I have had sex. And It actually took me a while to rember how long it had been. It has almost been a year and a half since I have had sex. And I can honestly tell you that it is getting to me.

I mean, what is up with me. Its like until I was asked that question, I had kinda just not really care. I had been living my life from week to week, and somehow it just kept going, and I realized, what the fuck. Or more important, When the fuck.

How can this lovely bit of man not get any loving. Okay I kid. But I have to admit that it just feels akward. Hell i can not even sucsessfully ask a girl out. I am so afraid now that if I ever have sex again I will have forgoten how. Lets face it, I was never that good at it to begin with.

I guess it is a daunting challenge since there have only been 2 women I have had sex with, and its only been 1 since 1998. ughh, I realize that I will be thirty next year. 30. And what do i have to show for it. Nothing. I lost my wife, my dogs, my truck.

And then today I hear the most heartbreaking story from a friend of mine. He went out to a bar the other night. This is a big guy, but also tall. He is not any bigger than me honestly. And he stands at the bar, says hi to a lady. Who then Scoffs at him.

Man that has got to make me want to get out there and live it up. Then later that night he has some drunk bitch come up to get a drink, and I guess he made eye contact with her. She told him to "loose some weight." How fucking rude is that.

I have got to get out there, I have got to do soemthing its really pathetic. I am really sick of being lonely. I have actually discovered stuff about myself, and frankly I am bored with only me. I ready to give some one a chance to be with me.

LOL

Anyway.

Talk to you later

Robert

The Quiet man Speaks

2006-09-06T23:29:00.000-05:00

Sorry guys, been on a small hiatis. Weird work schedule throws off my writing schedule. But since I have a day off tomorrow, I thought I would spout off a little bit tonight.

So what have a been up to lately. Well if you have been reading my Xbox blog, you know I have been playing alot of Saints Row. I am having a blast with my Grand Theft Auto clone. But you guys do not come here for my views on the world of video games.

Also it seems that I have a little bit of a creative juice flowing. For the last three years i have had an idea for a novel. Think of it as Stephen King's Dark Tower, mixed with a little of the bible and divided by Lost

(Dark Tower + Bible)/ Lost= My novel

Well I had mentioned it to a friend (Josiah). I told him about it, and told him i thought about creating a role playing game around it. Then simply forgot about it. Well now I have brought it up again, and everyone seems very interesting in it. Friends are giving me ideas, and we kind of had a few improtu brainstormings.

It has now become a group effort. This may be the reason we as friend were all drawn in together, because we all contribute to it. So we are going to see how far we take this. I am not expecting to make any money off of it, but I have to say, if my friends are any indication of how popular this game could be then we could see something from it. Let you know more as this preggesses, but i have to admit when people tell me it sounds like a great concept, I feel like i have already accomplished something.

Friday night I got home from work around 12:30 am, and chatted online with one of the most beautiful women I have never met. She let me read some of her poetry, and it was damn good. We discussed how we as writers are our greatest critics. And its very true. She strokec my ego a little bit telling me that she thought I was a very talented writer. It felt good to hear that. Its the only thing I ever felt I was good at. I wish I was not so hard on myself. Evertime I put words to screen, I always feel i could do better.

But that you Beautiful Lady for your wonderful commentary Friday night, it made me feel a lot better.

On to other things. No news on my love life. It seems bank girl has went back to college, and is no longer working Tuesdays anymore. So who knows how often I will see her now.

Have not heard from Misty. I think our schedule were too conflicting. It happens, she has two kids and they should always be the focus in a parents life. But hey I am doing good, I want someone to share my life with, but I am living life as it comes.

Been watching Season 2 of Lost. I rented it from work. I have already seen every episode but I wanted to watch them all again before Season 3 starts. IN OCTOBER, what the hell are they thinking... I need my lost fix gosh dammit.

So I think I am going to get off of this computer, and watch me some Lost. I hope to speak to you guys real soon..

Later
Robert

BKB (Bad Karma Backlash?)

2006-08-28T22:14:00.000-05:00

Wow, do you ever have one of those days, that was my day yesterday. I had one of those days where you just could not please anyone. It started off in the first hour when this jackass comes in with a coupon for a free movie.

I have had trouble with this guy before. He is part of the online program our company offers. Every month they send you free movie coupons. Each ticket is individually coded, so if it has been used anywhere else, it flags the screen with the message, Coupon redemption not allowed, this item was used at the date, at this time, at this store.

He caused a scene the last time this happened, and I still refused the coupon. So here it is Sunday, and he is trying to use another coupon. And same thing, it pops up saying the same message, and says he used it on the 25th, at such and such time.

The only difference is with these coupons is they are from the coke rewards, and they work the same way. You print them off at home. You bring them in and we scan them. He basically flipped out and raised his voice towards me. I even turned the monitor and showed him the message. He goes on to tell me that I am the only one that ever gives him trouble. Blah blah blah... whatever, I dont care. I am not the one that runs off the same coupon twice, I am not saying he does it on purpose, but what ever. If I would have thought about it, I could have taken the coupon he brought in on Sunday and got the one out of the filing cabinet from friday and showed him the numbers were the same. But i am sure he would have said I used my "fat Boy" magic to change the numbers. Since he was already blamming it on me. (Are you sure you did not just scan it twice?) What i wanted to say was, Yes, I traveled back to friday and scanned the fucking coupon just to foil your attempts at a free movie...

If I had built a fucking time machine I think I would have used it for better uses. Like i don't... anything else. Maybe shoot your father so he could not even concieve your stupid ass. Out of all the sperm you were the smartest and the quickiest.

Then this was followed up by the famous, " Well if I did not put the DVD in the case, then why didn't you call me? I am not paying this."

Followed by my answer of, "Well if you had given us your correct phone number we could have." Okay not in that mean of a way, but I was not having a good day.

So then to go on to the conclusion for the day. I call my friends and let them know that, i am not showing up for the Sunday Night Game. (Role playing, not something super manly like sports) I leave work, and drop saturday nights deposit in the drop box.

Which gets jammed... Lord only Knows what the hell caused this. I am guessing ... Me. I did get the bag all the way in. I called my boss to let him know what happened. I worried all night beause there was nothing we could do. I was worried that someone could use there deposit box key, open it up but my fears were put to rest in the morning.

My phone rings, I jump out of bed to run into the kitchen. Where my bear foot slips on the carpeting. I am still not sure why my carpet this morning was like running on ice. My legs fly out from under me, my ass hits the floor, and it slides a few inches, just enough that my knee slides underneath the counter, causing me to incure a half moon shapped gash across my knee that bled for 15 minutes and hurts like hell.

It seems that the night box is so jammed that the have to call in a specialist to fix it. Yes, thats right. They can not get the thing open. And they have to call in a specialist to get it open. Luke thinks this is funny, and he and I have made a pact. That Bank girl is never to know that I am the idiot that broke the night deposit box.

So what the hell have i done, this al started last saturday when a bird shit on me. (Luckily it was mulberry, and not chuncky half disected worm) What have I done to get this bad karma backlash. I hope it goes away soon. Maybe its like that movie Failure to Launch... I am not right with nature because I refuse to do what has to be done. So nature is coming back at me. (Okay, so alot of this stuff is not nature, but just work with me here.)

Anyway on the love front. I did call that girl last week, talked to her for 45 minutes or so. And left it up to her to call me. She had a lot of stuff to do that weekend.. (Main thing was move because she just got divorced on Tuesday.)

I told Luke all this stuff, and he tells me to go for it. Usually if a girl has this much baggage then he is telling me to run the other way. But its like he is telling me to go for it.

She did call me back last night, and we talked for almost 2 hours. I am not getting my hopes up. I have not seen here, and i am not sure how I feel about abadnoing my great quest for someone I know I am attracted to. But I am at least talking to her.

The one good thing is that I was able to let some stuff go. I think Sarah's boyfriend threatening me was actually what I needed. It helped me let go, but letting me see the kind of person she really is. Every since then I have not missed her at all. It was like this cloud has been lifted off me. And even my friends have noticed I have been happier. I hope it stays this way. I have confidence that it will.

The funny thing is, that a couple of days before the threat. I asked the "angels" to help me get her off my mind. That I wanted to move on and not miss her. I am a little weirded out about how fast all that happened. Sure there was a threat of violence, but I am not sure I was ever in any real danger, my friends all told me they would be there for me. So it all worked out. And I am a happier peerson. And Sarah gets what she always wanted and she is a happier person...

Wow, sorry about the book I wrote you guys tonight. Just doing a little catching up. I will let you know more about the Misty situation as it develops, and also the bank girl situation.

I just hope I can dump this bad karma soon.

Later

Robert

I got Digits

2006-08-23T17:59:00.000-05:00

No, they are not the bank girls digits. But I did get a girl's number from my best friend's fiance. One of her co workers. I am supposed to call her tonight at 8. Or at least after 8.

This is totally blind for me. I have no idea what she looks like, but on the other hand she has seen pictures of me, from myspace. I hate to say, but I feel reluctant because we all have a little shallowness, and I have to admit I am no different.

I was married to a women who i thought was beautiful. And I just have a hard time accepting the fact of dating someone I do not think is very attractive. Not only that I am afraid that it could hurt my friendship with Ben's new fiance. This is the first girl he has ever dated that actually likes me.

You see when someone usually tries to get me to go out with someone, its usually someone I have no attraction to what so ever. In High School, Ben and Wil tried to set me up with a mutual friends sister. Who i can tell you was very far from my type. I am not that good looking but the girl was scary ugly and part of me has never forgive them for that.

Then on the other side of the coin, there is bank girl. I have started a flirting thing with her, and I am not sure where it could go. I am very attracted to her. I know what she looks like and I know some of her personality. I feel like if I start talking to this girl, it may take away from the fact that i wanted to start something with bank girl. And I am working on it, but at the same time, is bank girl really interested. Its hard to tell cause she is always in that fucking window anymore, and we have not had a chance to talk.

I wanted to wait to call this girl after I talked to bank girl next week. (Since I found out I am scheduled to work 2 days next week, both days she will be at the bank.) But at the same time Jennifer would not let me wait, she called the girl and asked her when it would be a good time to call her. She said tonight. So if I dont call, I look like a jerk.

Ben is going to have problems, this girl does not take no for an answer. But at the same time I understand she is helping out, and I am glad she has thought about me, but I jjust need to have a little closure first.

Ughh... My life gets too complicated sometimes. I guess we have to see how the phone call goes. Who knows this girl could be gorgeous. I did hear she is very quiet until you get to know her. (And we know how much I love women who dont talk :( )

So far i only know the facts about her... she is older than Jennifer, so she is like 27-28. I believe she is a nurse. She has two daughters who are a year and a half apart, and look exactly alike. She has shoulder length brown hair. Her husband cheated on her. And she is pretty short.

Oh well i am going to go soak in the bath tub. Everyone have a good night.

Robert

I Swear I was only offering you Popcorn and Coke

2006-08-21T23:34:00.000-05:00

So I was rnjoying a typical Sunday at my job. It was a relxing Sunday, I had been through a few nice little rushes, nothing to get too bent out of shape about. Lately at work we have ran a small promotion that if you rent 2 new relase movies, you can get a Tub of Popcorn and 2 20oz. Coca-cola Products for $8.00. It is a very good deal.

So we try to get everyone to partake of this deal. Because it is a great deal, unless you do not like Coke and popcorn. Well here in lies my downfall.

The Brain is a wonderful tool, without it we would be dead. It gives us stuff to do, keeps us from doing dumb things, most of the time. Butthe brain also has its own routine. (No I am not saying your brain is starring in the downtown Theater, in Macbeth. As funny as that would be to watch.)

I would like to alert everyone to the next few paragraphs. If you are at work, please cover your mouth to keep from laughing hysterically, I would hate to see anyone get fired for fucking off. If you are enjoying a nice beverage, maybe wonderful Orange Fanta, or some other sode, coffee, or water. Please put down the beverage so that you do not have the painful experience of blowing it out your nose.

So now we have those rules established. I will go on to the story.

So this wonderful Brain I have is getting ready to wait on a customer. A Biker dude. Not the rough type so I will let you know now that itdoes not end up with me unconscience or anything.

I start to ask him if he would like to add popcorn and coke to this. Instantly as I try to get the word popcorn out of my mouth, my brain takes over.

Wait... what the fuck are you doing man. We never say popcorn first, I mean seriously, coke always comes before the popcorn, egads man, are you some kind of invilid. Are you that daft. Its 2 cokes and a popcorn... 2 cokes and a popcorn.. Oh hold on I will fix this you wanker. (Yes my brain speaks to me in an English accent, and strangly sounds like my Xbox buddy Allan "MastaChi3f" Bates.)

So my brain slams on the brakes, and tries to stop me from saying popcorn, but it is not quick enough, it gets the word to stop at pop.. but at the same time it tries to say coke, I am trying to finish corn.

So this is what happens, I ask the customer...

"Would you like some Pop.. um Cock.. I mean coke."

"Oh God no man, I defenately do not want any of that."

So yes, i actually offered the man Cock. And my brain, who got me into this in the first place.. I hear it tell me... Fuck you Hendy, your own your own.

At least the guy was cool about it. I have to admit that I laughed about it for 45 minutes after he left. I mean what else can you do. The guy did come back a little later because he got the wrong movie.

I am not going to ask you if you want any popcorn and coke this time.

He replied, "I would not offer it to anybody the rest of the day."

I almost added, "Yeah well hell i can't give it away to a women," but I left it alone. I mean i already offered this man Cock. In turn I think I lost some of my dignity. But oh well everyone have a good night.

Tonight

2006-08-19T00:31:00.000-05:00

Well tonight is a very interesting evening. It seems the guy who sent me the hreatning email actual showed up at my work tonight. The suprising thing is, I kind of had a feeling he would.

The thing that suprised me is that he actually shook my hand and apologized. I am not sure what his motivation was, I am sure there were several. I think he may have been sizing me up, playing the alpha male card. I also think after reading all my blog he did see how much i cared for Sarah, and that i loved her. And he may actually kind of just feel sorry for me for being such a loser, and throwing myself an online pity party.

I knew who he was as soon as he come in the door and called me by name. I did not cower away. He is a big guy, he is pretty sturdy looking. (Like me, I am chicken legs and arms, with a big gut... as he is 6 foot tall and built like a football player) He does not seem to be such a bad guy when he is calm and non threating.

But anyway as far as I am concerend, he has no threat from me, I could care less about Sarah, especially after her last email to me. I get sick of her telling me that I am going to be alone the rest of my life. But oh well. Life goes on, sometimes when you did not even want it too.

All night tonight, for like the last 2 hours of my shift I just feel like I have to be at the bank tomorrow, and try to give "her" the first card. The one that lays it on the line. I feel like something is pushing me towards this.

I think it has to do with the new age stuff I have been trying out. And some of you may laugh, but others may want to look into Dr. Doreen Virtue. She is an Angel Thearapist.

Her belief is that we all have Guardian Angels around us at all times. And that we all at least have two. Maybe more. And i can tell you from first hand experience that for a little while now, and maybe even before I even read about her, it seems to work.

When you have a problem, you ask for the angels around you for help and guidance. I know this all sounds kooky. But I am teeling you it works.

Case in point when i lost my wallet this week. I was almost on the verge of tears after drivng to find it. And not being able to find it. The thing was as soon as I asked the Angels for help, I became more calm, and in my mind I knew I needed to sit down and relax. And about 5 seconds later, I knew where my wallet was. I had a call from my mom's apartment community on my caller id. I felt so stupid for not realizing it sooner, and another thing was on the way home, I kept feeling like I needed to stop at the gas station to get a coke, or that I should go to taco bell and get something to eat. Had I listened to these keys, I would have realized my wallet was missing.

So now everytime I have had a problem I ask for guidance, and I also am sure to think God when it comes through. In fact it has lightened my depression and opening up more to the world.

And I have a feeling that now the angels are pushing me toward the bank tomorrow. Why tomororw I am not sure, but I am still wondering if I should do it, or if this is all crazy talk. So I will let you know how all that goes constant reader.

Also why reading this book she talks about people of the world, that some of us are decendants of other folk. And she describes a group of people who are called incarnated Angels. And it souns so much like me it is scary.

They are people who look youthful for their age. They are usual heavy because they tend to eat alot because of depression. They are always trying to help people with their problems, and they actually feel awful when people try to help them out, they dont like to accept things from others.

If you are interested I think her website is Angeltheraphy.com

Anyway i need toget to bed before you people really think I have gone insane.

Robert

Bad Day Yesterday

2006-08-15T19:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was not the best of days for me. I had been on a great run of feeling good for myself, but yesterday kind of brought me back down. And no it was just not the email.

The moment I got home from doing Laundry yesterday at my mom's apartment. I was tired, sine I stayed the night over there the night before. Sleeping on the couch can cause you to feel miserable.

I got home and walked in my apartment, and I knew something was not right. I was very hot. My air conditioning had quit working. So I sat down and checked my email, and we all know how that turned out (Update: I was told that he will never be contacting me again, and that she would not ever read this blog again)

So I call to see if I can get anything done about that. I figured that I would not be able to get a hold of someone, so I was planning on just leaving a message. Someone actually answered the phone. She was sending over the maintence guy. It was 6:30 PM and I was getting service.

So my night of laying comfortable on the couch was blown to hell. It was more like laying in a sauna. So i quickly throw away some newspaper and junk on my counter and vaccum before the guy gets there. (This kind of comes in important later).

The could not get it fixed today, but they did give me a window unit for a temporary fix. So I was not going to die from Heat exhaustion. So somewhere around 9:30 or so I realize I am really getting hungry.

I decide I was going to go for a walk around the corner to McDonalds. Never mind that it is pissing and pouring. So i start gathering my stuff, Keys, got em, cell phone, got it, wallet... wallet... where the frig is my wallet.

I spend the next hour frantically searching for my wallet. I look everywhere, i tear this apartment apart. No luck. I try to call my mom to see if I left it there. She wont answer her phone.

So I am so frantic, and worried that I drive back over to my mom's place... which is like a 45 minute drive. I then proceed to ransack her apartment looking for it. I eventually even wake her to look for it. We have no luck...

So i drive back home, just sick to my stomach. It was a bad day, and I just knew when I got home I was going to have to go dumpster diving for my wallet.

So here I am, with a long pole, and a borrowed flash light from a drunken neighbor. Lucky for me the trash dumpster was damn near empty. So I could easily locate the items I threw in it. I did not however find my wallet.

So i am soaked to the bone now, tired exhausted and depressed. I sit down at the computer. I ask for an answer from my guardian angel to help me find my wallet. I look up, scan the room and then it dawns on me.

I checked the home phone when I got home, and wondered why earlier my mom's apartment complex had called me. They left a voice message but i could not listen to it earlier. Now I got it to work...

Hi we have a wallet turned in here that someone found. blah blah blah.

The only reason they had my phone number is because a long while back when i was trying to work up the courage to ask out the bank girl. I had wrote on a piece of paper, "Call me sometime" with my name and phone number.

I of course have never given it to her, so just like the condom in my wallet since after the divorce, it was still there (No I dont really keep a condom in my wallet).

So my wallet is with my mother right now, i am having Ben bring it to me soon, so i do not have to make another trip to Henderson.

On the bank girl front today. She was at the drive through window. So she did walk past me and say hello, and "Thank you for the card, it was very nice." So I am not sure if that was a blow off, or she was busy. Today would not have been the best day for me to ask her out anyway, I was still in a pretty foul mood. And very distracted.

Always next week I guess.

Have a good night.

Robert

My Freedom of Speech

2006-08-14T17:34:00.000-05:00

I share everything with you guys. I am a very open and honest person. I have gone a long way with you on this blog constant readers. And that being said, i am going to share something else with you.

It came as a shock to me that my ex wife has seemed to have gotten back with an ex boyfriend of hers. Now he is threatening me with physical harm. Because he said I should take down the blog, and everything about my ex wife off it.

Now as you know latley this blog has not been so much about her, because it seems we were on fairly good terms, until now. I do not know what has been going on, nor have I really cared to much lately, I have been living in my own shitty world. But one thing I did not take kindly to is being threatened. So let me share with you the suprise email I got when I got home today.

Robert,

While I respect freedom of speech, I think that it has to have limits. I would like to respectfully request that you do one of two things. One either take down your blog (thedivorceididnotwant) or write a very respectful and apologetic retraction of all previous post regarding your X-Wife. I am being nice. I was asked to not meddle and while I respect the person, I cannot respect the request. I am infurated to think that a person would go to such a length to discredit his x-wife. I would also like to add that I think that it is a bite silly that you still make remarks regarding her on your myspace. I think that to be a bigger man you would remove both. I think that if your "bank girl" ever did read your blog or myspace she would find that you are a petty individual that is stuck in the past. Sarah is not yours, she never will be agian. She left because she wanted. The same reason that I left my wife. People get divorced, people don't die because of it, it happens. It happens alot actually. I wish that you could move on. Not for my sake or Sarah, but for your own. You are treadding on dangerous ground and I would hate to see your hurt (physically, very physically). I know enough about you to find you. I already have a hated for all blockbusters and anyone that they associate with. I would like to add as I try to control my anger that you shoot Sarah an email, the last email of your life, and apologize for everything you ever did, said, or typed. I think that would be the gentlemen thing to do. Sarah is not fat, nor a slut, nor a whore. Like I said, I cannot (yet) make you take them down or aplogize, but if I do not see positive progress soon, I will take such actions as neccessary.

You seem like a good guy, I just dont know why you would do stupid things. Hell I used to play a little D&D in my time and was slightly addicted to Ultima Online for about a year, but then I grew up. You can choose to be a man or you can choose to be a grub. Please for your sake and the sake of being a man in the situation, please fulfil my request. If you like we can meet face to face at any venue that you choose at any point. I am in the Evansville area every weekend. I would love to meet you for breakfest, lunch, or dinner, or even a brunch if you so choose. Shoot me an email and let me know

Am I scared... Not really. I am a pacifist and I do not like to fight but man, this has me more angry than anything. But I am calm and I will remain that way. Cause I really don't want any trouble. But I refuse to remove any info from my blog.

I never have called her a slut. I said I went in once and she was dressed in a slutty manner. I am heartbroken about my divorce, and anything really offened her I have taken down when she told me about it. Now she wants a champion to defend her honor I guess. The same champion that in the stories I heard from her, cheated on her. But that is neithier here nor there. If that is what she wants then hey there she goes. Everyone should be happy, he perents get the little gem of a husband that they were always camparing to me. She gets her hero, and life goes on. Everyones happy.

I have more important things to deal with like what i am going to do tomorrow about the girl from the bank. I am sure writing this makes me all petty doesn't it. How I should be crawling on my hands and knees over to Sarah right now and telling her...Thank you so much for making my life so miserale, its not your fault I loved you so much that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. That I would have done anything for you.

I guess i should have let him know all the good stuff i did for you, so he can learn what a real man does for a women, since he seems to need to flex his muscle. Maybe you should have called him after you had your surgery, who was it that brought you dinner, walked the dogs for you and basically did anything you asked of him. Yeah we forget that shit dont we Sarah. Thats fine. I did it out of the kindness of my heart. Because there was a part of me that will always love you. But hey we can throw that out can't we. Cause you got a real tough guy that sends threatning emails to me.

I have a right to feel and to write what I wont on this blog. And from time to time that was how I feel. Have a nice life there Sarah, you have a real winner with you know, who will end up in prison if he does not get that rage problem worked out.

Guys Have a good night

Robert

:)

2006-08-09T09:57:00.000-05:00

Well I was just informed a little bit ago that my little birthday card made one girl at the bank very, extremely happy. So it looks like not only have a done a good thing, but that she might just think the same thing about me.

So I need to follow this up. Lukrativ called me this morning about this. He was told by (more than likely posion) that she was happy after reading the card, and would not tell anyone what it said.

So what do you guys think.

Robert

The First Move

2006-08-08T18:09:00.000-05:00

Okay, so today at the bank I made the first move, sort of. I delivered the birthday card from last week. A sweet gesture and no phone number, to let her know that yes I thought she was attractive. She probably already knows that is how I feel. But the card confirmed it.

The card said, "To the Lady who owns the beautiful smile, who makes my Tuesdays that much better."

I know probably corny, but hey, it is also something simple and sweet. I had the other girl hand it too her, and since I have code words for everyone who appears in the blog, we shall call her "poison"(Not a mean name for her, I do not think she is icky or something)

poison is very funny, She knows for a fact I have a crush on this girl. She was trying to get me to sign up for a checking account at this bank, "You could see your friends everyday." The entire time she says this she is pointing her thumb back toward the bank girl.

Bank girl herself was busy, but she did look over my way at one point and gave me a wave, the kind that are almost more like spirit fingers. And smiled. Then later I said out loud in her direction, that I heard someone had a birthday last week. And you could just see a smile come across her face.

"Yeah I am getting old."

As I was leaving I just stepped over into poison's window, she made it real easy because she asked what my last name was. (I am wondering what that is about also?) I handed her the card, and asked if she could hand it to Bank girl. She said, but of course. And I told her to have a good day and left.

Poison handed her the card, I heard her call for her. And I also heard her let out a loud Awwwwwwww (from Bank Girl)

Part of me had wished I had stuck my phone number in there, but I also did not want for people who don't know what is going on, to stick there nose in my buisiness. Everybody is going to ask what a birthday card says, and if a phone number is attached well you get the drift.

So I am not sure how this will turn out. No one came to see me at work today, so who knows. But at least I took more steps. But lets hope I did good work.

LAter
Robert

Happy Birthday Bank Girl (Wherever you are tonight)

2006-08-02T23:35:00.000-05:00

Today, was/is bank girl's birthday. I know this because Luke had told me so, or at least tried to tell me so. Since last week. He heard her and some of the other girls at the bank talk about it.

Also I think the cats out of the bag about me having a crush on her. Either Luke told someone there, or my googley eyes were caught by someone who was paying attention. Because Tuesday the new Bank employee was talking to me.

Out of the blue she asks, "So guess who's birthday is tomorrow?"

Why would you ask that, because she knows thats why. This new girl at the bank is on to my games. Unfortunantely bank girl was not working Tuesday, because I had a birthday card for her. (It is different than the last one, this is an actually birthday card, and it will definately get to her, because, no one will ask any questions about it.) Bank Girl is taking another vacation this week.

So Lukrativ and I have a plan. We know that they are having a employee dinner, and Lukrativ thinks it would be a smart idea to show up there also. Like be all suprised that they are there. Part of me feels like this is invasion of privacy, and stalking. The other idea is that this is great. If the bank girl shows up, without a date, I would pretty much assume she is single. I also think the other two girls at the bank are working on this too. (They have both been in the store and asking where I was at.) So who knows, I am wondering if one women could be worth all this, but I know I would have gone through worse if I were to want to get back with the ex.

I am not trying to put the "Pussy on the pedistal" (Love that movie 40 year old virgin by the way). But I do feel that certain requirments have to be followed because of the way a bank operates. (Like I am afraid of putting a letter through the drive thru because someone else could get it, or giving it to just any employee because they may ask to many questions. I have to admit I could make it alot easier on myself but I also do not want it to affect her or her job)

Anyway, enough about bank girl. Maybe someday she will see this blog, and see that I spent an almost entire blog post about her and her birthday.

Ugh how is the weather where you are, I just got home from work and let me tell you it is awful here. I walk outside and you can just feel it weight down on you like a wintercoat. Its heavy and hot and no matter how you move it still feels like it is pushing down on you. My body feels just awful, the best thing about it being this hot, is I do not feel like eating. However I drink more liqud than a camel when it gets this way.

Anyway, i hope everyone has a better less lonley night than I am.

LAter
Robert

Pug Bowling

2006-07-31T11:01:00.000-05:00

Pug Bowling

Watch Video

No Pugs were harmed in the making of this video.

WTF

2006-07-28T10:06:00.000-05:00

Do you ever have one of those days where everyone seems to be critical of you. Like no matter what you say, they will find fault with it. How many times on this blog have I said how much I respect women, love women, and defend women.

Yet Suddenly I find myself being attacked for something I said in a comment, with total fucking sarcasm. It was one of those little incidents from September between Pro-divorce and I.

This was the comment I had made, you can even go back and look at the comments for the last post of September and read it for yourself.

Divorced and Dealing said...
Yeah I have tried it before it was called marriage. After reading your blog to me it sounds like Audultry. But who cares right. In the end, women are nothing but slime right. Its not like feeling matter. I may be a loser but in the end, most women will remember me as a decent person. The women you know what even remember you

Now, even if you have not read my blog then you should see the seething sarcasm off that. And if you read my blog then you know I was not being serious. However I get my comments mailed to me, so this is the message I get from this person this morning.

divorced and dealing said:

After reading your blog to me it sounds like Audultry. But who cares right. In the end, women are nothing but slime right.

I see that the Treasurer for the Evansville Gaming Guild, that geekgrrl and animal lover Miss Jeri, has a new surname (she used to be married to a different Robert, also of E.G.G.) so it is possible for you gamers to find true love after a divorce in River City! But gosh, Robert, think of women as another "I" to recognize with joy rather than as "slime".

She basically thinks that I do not appreciate women, and I was mad about this so I hunted down this quote. And Realize that she not only forgot to include the rest of the quote, the part which seems to show the sarcasm. But then I check her page.

She has the comment she wrote me, On her page, making me look like some guy who treats women like shit. Not only that, she has no link to it. Plus anyone who is looking up info on the Evansville Gaming Guild will find it. So know everyone who goes to the guild, where I am well known may now think I am a jerk.

How is that fair to me. Here is the blog address to see for yourself. The Blog

Maybe I am being a little thin skinned about things, but if you are going to quote me, at least quote the entire thing.

And just last week I am at work with Jane Eyre. And I am up on a ladder changing some signs above the front counter. Jane Eyre and I always joke and cut up.

So I am up there on the ladder and this bastard comes in and asks for tree hugging Hippie. I told them she was not here. And we were trying to find out what this guys membership number. So JE was looking for the phone numbers to call another store, and this guy is going on about would it not just be easier to fill out a new account than to call. To me this sounded like someone trying to get out of paying a late charge.

I thought JE was going to walk over and do that. Instead she was walking over to the computer so when she made the call the she could just type the numbers in. I did not realize she had the phone, and told her to Call First.

Well this guy must have thought I was attacking her verbally. He looked up to me on the ladder. "So Are you the Manager."

I told him yeah.

"You know you should be alot nicer to the women around here. Are you married or have a girlfriend?"

I told him no, I was divorced.

"That Figures."

I told him excuse me, the reason I am divorced has nothing to do with the way I treat a women. You know nothing about me. At this time he knew he had pissed me off. So he apologized and said he was just kidding. Yeah, he was kidding my ass.

After he left, i was raw about the entire situation, and JE knew it. I wanted to jump off that ladder and beat the shit out of him it made me so raw.

So why do people think its there place to judge you for like the 5 minutes they know you, or judge by the first post they read on your blog?

Stormy Weather

2006-07-24T20:09:00.000-05:00

Man last week was bad. It started out wiht a fricking heat wave. Indiana Humidity is the worst. I walked outside and felt like I was going to pass out. It has been a long time since I felt heat this bad.

Then a big storm rolled in, which had wind gust of 90 MPH, my car wont even go that fast. It blew a truck over in Henderson, and made one hrll of a mess. It also blew the roof off one of the buildings where my mom works. (One they just replaced last year because the wind blew it off)

Afterwards the temp dropped for a few days, but seems to be slowly climbing back up.

I worked day shift everyday since Thursday. And Bank girl only worked that Thursday, in the window. So no dice. Sometimes this gets very frustrating to me. Oh well there is always Tuesday.

Its funny now, I am on a first name basis with everyone at the bank now it seems. Everyone talks to me there, which is kind of frightneing since I did not think so many people even knew my first name.

There is a new girl at the bank now who is also a customer at our store. She is real nice, and she is friendly with me, because I always cut up with her at our store. Her and Her boyfriend think I am hilarious. Okay well at least she does.

But other than that not much going on. Seems like I have been really busy, I worked so many days in the row, plus hanging out with my friends on the weekend makes it feel like all I have done is come home and go to bed. I have a late charge at another video store in town because I rented a 360 game (Prey if anyone cares) and I did not want to take it back until I finished it. (Which i did a few minutes ago)

I am thinking about going to soak in the tub and read more of angels and demons. I swear I am going to finish this book, but man it seems like I cant get into it to save my life. I really want to finish it becuase Tree hugging Hippie told me it was great, and she has tried to convince everyone to read it. (She is not the first to recommend it, I do believe the ZOO recommended it about a year ago.)

I read a new age book last week, and I have to say it was a very interesting read. I am not going to get too much into it because I know some are going to call qaukery, but all I know is this, when it comes to stuff like this I am a skepic,but so far so good this seems to be working. I feel better, and more confident. And I have even had a smile on my face since i started this.

Anyway, you guys have fun and I am logging off here.

Have a good night

Robert

Because I Deserve It

2006-07-15T23:03:00.000-05:00

"There is Always life In a living Man"- Scottish Proverb

"If you could not live without me, then why aren't you dead yet."- I have no clue who said this

-------------------------------------------------------------

This too phrases mean different things to me. They are phrases that have lived so deep within my soul that have tourtured me for the last 15 months. Why have they tortured me?

Because I loved someone so much that when she decided she could not love me anymore, I fell apart. There is no easy way to say that. You can not sugar coat it. I loved my ex wife more than anything on this planet.

Or for the last 15 months everything I felt, I feel like I deserved. Maybe because I was not the best husband in the world, because I was comfortable. I told her everyday i loved her, I guess I did not say it to her the way that she wanted to hear it. I guess when you tell someone the same thing everyday, 10 times a day, it makes it almost a robotic response. To me it was not. it was how I felt.

And when she left me I wanted to die. And there are some days I would like a quick death, but I keep forgeting the other saying. I am still alive, losing her alone did not kill me. I have slowly done that to myself.

This is where I am. I want to try a new relationship with someone. At least get to know someone. Yes you all know of who i speak. And I know why it scares me. Because it boils down to this.

This is not some girl I seen on the internet. This is live flesh and blood. And I noticed her the first time I seen her, and I knew she was pretty. But at the time I was really too preoccupied with my worthless life. I was dating a girl that frankly had no feelings for, because she was a pot head, who did not care for me much eithier I am guessing.

And the thing is, that I may have ignored the girl at the bank, but she made a mistake. She started talking to me, joking with me, smiling at me. Yes this may all be part of her personality, or part of her job description. And that is what did scare me.

Its not that i dont think she is interested, because I think there is that posibility. But I think the big thing is... I feel like I deserve it.

Thats right for once in my life I feel like I deserve something, something besides pain and misery and rejection. I feel like I deserve a girl who has a pretty smile, pretty hair, a wonderfully sweet personality, a girl who loves butterflies and the color purple. A girl who would want to see me at the end of the day, who would want to wake up next to me, and who may someday want to carry my child, because I am a good person.

I dont know if the girl is that interested, I dont think at this point she is because well, you know I have not even asked her out. But that does not mean I dont deserve these things. But because I think I deserve it does not mean that it will happen. And there is a thousand reasons she could say no, but there is only one reason I want her to say yes...

Because I deserve it.

Sorry ladies if this post came a little bit "all about me-ish" I do not mean to sound smug and arrogant, but long time readers are more likely to understand.

Have a good Night

Can I have A Sucker

2006-07-11T19:16:00.000-05:00

The day did not start off the way I really wanted it to. It being a Tuesday, all I wanted to do was go to the bank, and see the bank girl. When i get to work, we are being audited.

It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I always hate when he audits, because I always feel like he goes everything I have done in the last three months with a fine tooth comb. I think he found one sort of major screw up on me.

But thats not the story of the day. The story of the day starts with the bank, as all my Tuesday stories do. As soon as I come in the door, she sees me come in, and smiles and says hi. Then a guy and his little daughter go to her window.

I am next in line so, of course I have to step down to another window, but the good news is its the one right next to her. When I step down, she tells me that She had not seen me in awhile, I jokingly ask her if she missed me. She laughed and said she did, its been awhile since she had seen me. (Yes she did repeat again that she had not seen me in awhile, which is true, I had not talked to her for 3 weeks.)

Well the guy she was waiting on was trying to cash a check, but he had to fill out a deposit slip. So she was busy doing that, she asked the little girl if she liked the rain. I thought that my business at the bank was going to conclude before his.

So I hear her counting the money to him, and the teller I was at was just about done with mine. She was trying to run a reciept through a machine. But Bank girl was still counting the guys money.

Then the most awesome thing happened. The machine kept rejecting the receipt. She had to spend 30 seconds to fix it, and just s sson as she got it done, I hear bank girl say, "There you go" and no one else was waiting behind me in line. That meant that i would have time to walk over hand her the card, and say something like... I have been trying to give this to you in weeks.

The stars had aligned, I was ready to do it, I had it in my pocket, my fingers were brushing against it. I was flush with excitment, the women got the recept to go through and handed me my bag, as bank girl asked the guy, "IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU TODAY?" I could hear a choir of angels singing, this was going to be the day that changes my life, I already had the song picked out for our wedding.

"Can I have a sucker?" Was how the little girl replied... those 5 words, ( okay its only 4 words and an article) In a perfect world, the suckers would have been sitting on the ledge, for all the children of the world.

But this was not my fucking Wal-Greens Comercial, and why should it be. Because you see I am not meant for happiness. Bank girl looked around and realized she had no delcious suckers to hand out. I stood in limbo, do I wait to see if this happens very quickly, or do I move on.

I stood dumbfounded, for an eternity. If I was a large cartoon character I would have probably smash a rubber hamer over the little girls head. (No children were harmed in the writing of the blog post -ED) I stood long enough fiddling with the bag, that I looked and felt almost like I was stalking her.

I knew that I was not going to be able to give the card to her, I was already standing there too long. I walked past her, and the kid and father. My head actually slumped. ANd behind me I heard her say to me.

"Hey, have a good day. See you later."

I turned to see her smile. as she handed the little girl a sucker. And for once my brain was elsewhere, thinking thoughts about how miserably close I was. And somewhere my brain let something loose, that I am worried to death about. How I replied.

"Thanks, and you know what, I kind of missed you too..." Where the hell did that come from. I might as well said, "Will you have my babies?, or what do you look like naked?" I wish I had actually said something like that now, because I could have pleaded temprorary insanity.

Its like I took a leap, but never left the diving board. How miserable is that.

She replied, "Ahh thank you"

After I got outside, i kicked a rock. Later I will feel sorry for the rock. It did nothing to deserve its treatment. And you know what, being a bully to a rock is not helping me one bit.

Oh well, Next Tuesday is another day. I have hope again because I made an idiot of myself, and if she is still overly friendly to me then she might just be interested.

Later

Robert

If your Lonely Tonight...

2006-07-07T21:11:00.000-05:00

Having one of those days, that nothing is going right. Actually its been a lot of those lately. Wednesday, bank girl did not work. So no chance at all to get the card to her. The more I think about it, the more stupid I feel. It is just not meant to be.

I went to see my mom today. We shipped a package to my buddy in England. A little taste of America. A t-shirt, some of my mom's no bake cookies, some little apple pies, and an American flag.

I bet we put in $20 worth of stuff. And it cost her $33 to ship it. How sad is that.

I did go to the library in my hometown, my mom wanted to see if they had "Alias" at the library. No luck, so she is still deciding if she is going to buy it. I myself am on the last 2 episodes of season 4.

After leaving the library, my car decided it wanted to be stubborn and not start. Seems like I am having more trouble with my battery cables. I may see if it starts tomorrow morning, and drive it over to Matt and Jeff's and see if Jeff can tighten the cable again for me. That's all the problem is. Its not getting a good connection to the terminal, I can actually twist the terminal around the post. It would start about half the time today, and the other times I would have to fiddle with it.

Not been getting much sleep lately. Weird dreams, nightmares even. It is hard to get back to sleep when you just had a dream that is very vivid, that you are awake and starring at your closet door, and you see A small reptilian being, with a large knife back up and then, the best way to describe it, he grabs a "zipper" and zips up reality like a tent flap. And disappears. Then suddenly I can move again. I take a large gasp of air.

Usually when I have Nightmares like this, When I wake up, something immediately always lets me know it was a dream. Like the door would be open more in real life, or the blinds were wide open in the dream, and closed when I woke up. But when I woke up this time, everything was the same, and to me it felt more like I did not wake up, as if I were released.

The next morning I look on my stomach while I am showering, because I feel a slight sting. I have a 9 inch cut, very shallow, but it had drew a little blood. Sort of like you would have if you cut yourself with a fingernail.

I have no fingernails, so I don't know how it got there. But this is not the first time it has happened. I did scratch myself with a pinky nail, (It was the sharpest nail I have, because it is the one I chew on the least.) It is not as deep, and I scratched myself as hard as I could. Its just odd. I don't think I was abducted by the aliens or anything.

Wow, I think that is the weirdest think I have confessed on this blog. It did bother me for a few days, but now it seems silly.

No wonder I am lonely tonight. Who could put up with my weirdness :)

Other than that, another boring week. There has not been any good 360 released lately, but next week we are getting two that look interesting to me.

As for the bank girl situation, I will give it one more chance on Tuesday. I also plan on cleaning up my apartment on Monday. Maybe that is what is holding fate back... That if she is interested in me, and wants to hang out... How can I explain that my apartment looks like World war 3 happened in my living room.

But come on.. I am being way to hopeful in that aspect. I mean I can not even get a girl to talk to me long enough online to actually ask her on a date lately. But then again, if Bank girl was to think I was attractive (lol) then she already knows I am gorgeous.

I have to hold in fate that my tarot reading tells me to let go of an old love, and that a new one will be joining me soon.

But man, who the hell wants to date a guy who is: Broke, poor, has a car that only starts half the time, and is not exactly a neat housekeeper. Yeah, i know I am a treasure to behold.

Good Bye
Robert

Happy 4th of July

2006-07-04T10:34:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Holiday. Not much going on in the Wood household. I have to work tonight, I got invited to a party a few weeks back, but I did not request off, and so someone decided 2 days before the schedule was made, (after he had already requested 2 days off that week) to go ahead and try to take off this holiday too... just like every Holiday, he fucking request off.

So no party for me. I have to work, I guess its okay. No girlfriend so its not like Fireworks mean anything for me anyway.

Well Plan b was in effect last week, not the greatest idea in th world probably because it would have made me look like a big coward, which it was not that. Lukrativ was going to deliver the card, through her or the other girl at the bank. Explaining that for the last 2 weeks I have been trying to deliver it, but she had been in drive thru. The funny thing is, all week long, there was some reason why it could not be delivered.

So here it is, tomorrow is my last chance. If it does not get delivered this week, by me or Lukrativ, its over. I am going to take it as there is no such thing as fate. That I am totally wrong, and nothing was ever going to come from this. There is no such thing as Serendipity. Or maybe Fate is real, and fate is telling me NO!

On the good news front, Ben has finally got a girlfriend. Its funny that this girl's mother worked at the store I used to work for before Lukrativ and me shipped across town. (Which is also about the same time that I first seen the bank girl, who also just started)I told ben I would not hold it against her who her mother was.

Not getting much sleep at night. Jane Eyere asked me the other night if I had trouble sleeping. I told her yeah. She then asked what i did about it. I told her I just deal with it. The best I can.

Spent some time with my mom last week. We were talking about things, she informed me that she finally forgave my ex wife. She said her minister did a sermon on forgiveness, and at the end asked if there was anyone who wanted to forgive someone to come up and leave your hurt and anger on the altar.

I think she did this more for me than she did it for herself.

I still get weepy about the holidays. I keep dreaming about Sarah last night, and when i would wake up, i would remember the 4th of July we would spend together. Usually it was one of the only times when we would have the house to ourselves for a week. We always took vacation this week, my mom would go stay with my uncle.

One year we actually bought fireworks. Usually we did not. Ben was the designated lighter, because for some reason Sarah never trusted me with flammable objects. Another time she got very drunk, and thought she offended a friend of mine and cried about it all night, man she was wated that night. It was funny in a way.

I did offer to watch the dogs for her one day this week. There was a guy she met up in Indy on an awards ceremony, they were the only 2 from there company. So they hung around together that night.

This weekend, there was a resident where he lived lighting fireworks, aiming them at people, aiming them at vehicles. My ex wife's friend was a big man, like 6'4" and 300 pounds. He went over to tell the man to stop. The Man pulled out a gun and shot him. He died at the scene.

He left behind a wife and 6 kids. He had no life insurance, and the family is not sure how they are going to pay for the funeral.

It makes you wonder why things happen. I know my ex is upset. I dont know how many times i would get in the car with her in the middle of the night and drive across town so she could tell someone to turned down there music or that this person could not be on the property.

Who knows, it could have happened to us. Its funnny how one thought can bring you back to something else. Or how your life changes from one moment to the next. Sarah and I were talking last week about how she got jealous of a girl who flirted with me at the burger king, back when we were married, and this week she is leaving to go to a funeral.

Oh well, life is nothing if it is not random. I guess thats it, life is just random.

I have made it to Season 4 of Alias. I am not sure what i am going to do when I am done with it. Since Season 5 will not be out for awhile, i dont even think there is a release date for it. Damn you Audrey.

Happy 4th of July, hope I did not bring you down

Congrats on the Big move OSW, have fun at the ZOO

Robert

Plan B From Outer Space

2006-06-27T23:36:00.000-05:00

The package was not delivered today. But I am entering plan b. I would have delivered it today, but again she was in the teller window. Lukrativ told me that if this all goes well with my plan, then he will pay for my first date. That crazy Lukrativ.

I was laying in bed a little bit ago. Trying to go to sleep. My mind began to drift over my Novel I am writing. Well at least the one I had started writing so long ago. And thinking about it took me all the way back to sixth grade.

I think this is where my life as an outcaste actually started. You see, I had went to the same school since first grade. For five years my social development relied on to key factors. My friends at School, and my friend Jodie.

Why am I such a sucker when it comes to girls. Its Jodie, my best friend growing up was female. All the way up to 5th grade we always hung out together. Then our house was sold. Where I had lived the majority of my life. We did not own the house, we only rented it. But I remember that last year there. I remember the going away party that Jodie and Chad threw for me. Peanut butter milkhsakes never tasted so good. But that part of my life was over. Jodie moved away a year later, I never saw here again. I always wondered where she went. But this story is not really about her...

When we moved into a trailer, I also lost my school district. You see, where I had went to school was Jefferson Elementary. Where I was going was East heights. So here I was getting transeferred away from the school, I had always known.

TO a school where I was totally outcasted. I was new kid in School. And with that came the bullying. I was not liked at this school at all. Early on a few students surrounded me, and were planning on beating me up. They had planned to push me backward over another student. He got on his hands and knees behind me.

What they failed to realize was that I was smarter than that. I turned around and dropped all my weight on the back of his head with a elbow drop. Then kicked got up and kicked him in the gut. Then took off running. They never really messed with me after that.

I also alienated myself that year. Because I did not join the cool kids when they picked on the smaller and weaker. I was not invited to play in the reindeer games after that.

I met a really good friend that year. Someone I have not thought of in 10 years. Eric. Eric was a little guy, he lived in a trailer park up the road from where I lived. He was a good kid, his dad had married a women, who also had a daughter, who was the meanest thing you had ever seen. I dont even think she was female, I think she was a short german man, disguising herself as a student.

But the story is not about her eithier...

Eric became a really good friend. And we stayed good friends, but outcasted none the less. But I went from being very popular in my orginal school, to being shunned here.

Eric and I did not talk over the summer. He was going to stay with his mom for those three months. His mom had remarried, and had a little baby girl.

Over summer, his stepdad got a gun. Shot his mother and killed her, Shot Eric in the head, Shot the baby girl, and then pulled the trigger on himself. The amazing thing about all that is, that Eric lived. He came back to school, he lost the use of one of his eyes. The only damage the bulet did to his head, was to blind his left eye. We never talked about it. He would make jokes, (like one time he ran into a table in science class, and the teacher asked him if he was blind... he said, "only Half". Before the end of Seventh grade, he mysteriously vanished, his dad packed him up and left without saying a word.

So I was pretty lonely, except for Ben and Josh, I pretty much stayed an outcaste. Then the school board changed districts. I was sent to the other junior high. Where all the people I had grown up with went.

The thing was, after 2 years, very few people even cared to remember who i was. The guy who had been my best friend since 3rd grade, acted like he did not know who I was. So at school I was pretty much an outcaste again. And that is how i stayed through high school, I was a social leper. When we had school functions, I sat with some friends I had made, and no one wanted to get close to us. Kids can be so cruel.

So i think that is where my Social anxieties come from. I never dated in high school. But I turned out okay for the most part. I got a few good friends from those days. I just wish I had a better social out look so things lie talking to a cute girl did not freak me the fuck out.

Anyway.

Rob

The Day Before

2006-06-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

Well I have to admit my nerves are acting up a little bit today. Knowing what I plan to do tomorrow. But I have to go through with it regardless. So I expected to be nervous.

I had been talking to another girl that I had met on myspace. We had even exchanged phone numbers. I had not called her yet, but I learned this weekend she met another guy online. And since this weekend she has not responded to any of my messages. I cant truly blame her, but I feel like I am jumping from a plane tomorrow without a backup chute.

But we will see how this works tomorrow. Nothing can be answered today. The worst part of all this is that I have it embedded in my psyche so deep that she is going to say no, that I have no clue what to say if she says yes.

Well Wish me luck everyone.

Rob

I would have Done it Today

2006-06-20T22:34:00.000-05:00

I have to know. I really can not take it anymore. I have agonized over it long enough. I want her, or I want to know she is not interested in me. I have come to the conclusion that I have to know.

So I went out yesterday and bought a card. I card that was blank on the inside. When i got to the place to buy the card, the Hallmark lady asked me if I needed help finding something. I told her what i wanted. She handed me a box of cards.

I looked through them slowly, trying to find the card that would get my point across. I had come to the next to the last card. I did not see anything I liked yet. So I was not expecting much when I flipped up the last card.

All it was, was a purple card with a butterfly on it. Below it, it said Dream. Perfect. Because I have dreamed of this moment for as long as I have had a crush on her. She loves butterflies. She has a butterfly pendant, she has a butterfly ring. I could not have picked a better card if I tried.

I filled it out last night. I took a little of what Audrey told me to say, and mixed in with a few things of my own. I told her I did not know much about her, but I did know she has a beatiful smile. And I would like to get to know her. I also included the mysterious fortune. (Also by the way, if you add up the lucky numbers that it had, then you get 7, if you add up my full name in numerolgy, it also equals 7)9Side note i was also born in 77)I also told her if she wanted to go out for Coffee or something to give me a call. And i left my number.

I felt relief when I made out the card last night. It was like for once i had taken a step. A bold step considering the baby steps I had been making.

This morning I picked up the card and put it in my pocket. I was going to do it.

When I got to the bank, she was working drive thru. Damn, no way to really give her the card discretly. So I just left it in my pocket. I would try agin next Tuesday. I was also sad that I would not get to talk to her.

So i stood in line a little heartbroken. I looked over at her, she had no customers. She started going through some paperwork, and she looked up at me. Smiled and said hello.

I had been depressed all week last week, more like for the last 2 weeks. I bet 97% of it drifted away when she said hi to me. My batteries were recharged. Of course I told her hello. Then the teller at my window broke my moment to ask how I was.

I told her I was tired, I had tossed and turned all night. From Bank Girl I heard a loud Ahhhhhhhhhh, the kind that someone uses when they are teasing you about something. I laughed. I asked her if she was on vacation last week.

She told me she was, I asked if she went anywhere good, she said nope stayed home. We talked a little more at each other from across the room. She told me she did not get more than 4 hours of sleep last night. I asked her if she was up partying last night, she laughed and said nope. Then i left, with the card still in my pocket.

At this point, I want her so bad I can describe it. The card gets delivered next week. She could have been up late with her boyfriend last night, but if she was or was not, if she even has a boyfriend... all these questions will hopefully be answered next week.

Well i am going to get off this computer and go watch some more Alias. Audrey told me to watch the show and I have to say it has gathered my intrest.

Later
Robert

Is it a Sign?

2006-06-17T14:26:00.000-05:00

I got this for a fourtune Cookie and I have to ask you guys if it is a sign, or just coincedence.

The Fourtune: Go After what you want: There's no time like the present.

The back side Learn Chinese: Yin-Hang: Bank

Divorced Year One

2006-06-14T23:32:00.000-05:00

I have been divorced as of a year today. Still not anywhere close to my goal of being happy. Some days i think i am worse. Some days i do better, and then there are just some days.

Nothing

2006-06-13T21:22:00.000-05:00

I am still alive, bank girl did not work today, intersted in someone on myspace I went to high school with. Bored out of my mind. Hopefully have better stuff going on soon.

I am such an idiot

2006-06-06T20:47:00.000-05:00

So there I am at the bank this morning, talking to bank girl. She is telling me that she had a good weekend, but it went by really fast. I notice she has a band aid on her finger which I ask about, being the concerned guy that I am.

She tells me it is just a small cut, nothing major, she just wanted to cover it because of being around "dirty money"

She then tells me that she got a scanner from her aunt. Her aunt could not get it to work. So she took it and said she got it to work. It scanned her picture, but she had no idea where it went. I told her that happens and the back of my head was screaming "Give her your phone number you idiot, so she can call you if she needs help with something. You know simple things about computers."

Why didnt I listen. I froze thats why. I could not form words with my mouth. My brain was trying to cram "do it", and "wait what are you thinking" through my mouth at the same time.

I listen to her go on about it. ( I was listening intently.) I told her that i rarely use my computer scanner. She then tells me that she would use hers because she does not have a digital camera.

All i have to say, is how am i ever going to get another oppurtunity to give her my phone number so easily. At this point I think someone could tell me that she has no boyfriend, and i would still freze up. I am sure one of lifes winners.

Because what i really want to say is this.

"I know only a little bit about you, but everytime I come in here and see you smile. I loose a part of my soul that breaks off and journeys off with a piece of your smile. In my heart they wander taking in all the sights of love and hope and dance on the smell of roses and chocolates. And before my mind catches up to the fact that I have yet to ask you out, my soul takes that sweet smile on its lips in an embrace that changes my life, changes sadness to hope, despair to love, and the touch of healing to my damaged heart. Make my soul whole again, for if you can't then it shall surely rot in the depths of despair that I have cast it to."

Or you know something like that.

Instead I end the conversation with, "Well congratulations on the printer." And end it with Have a nice day. (Which we both said at the exact same time)

WTF

Why do I make things this difficult

Oh well 6/6/6 is almost over. Maybe I can leave it with some of my sanity left.

One of Those Weeks

2006-06-04T23:18:00.000-05:00

Yes I had one of those weeks.

I manage to anger one of my friends with something I misquoted in my blog. Seems there was a little misunderstanding in what was going on, I took down the offense post. I left out things, not on purpose, but stuff that I took out of context and it made it sound like a more negative situation than it really should have came across as. We have yet to have a discussion about it all. But things seems fine between us right now, but I know we are still going to have to have that talk. I think the only reason we did not get a chance to talk it out was because I was having such a bad weekend.

My good friend Josiah got fired. It seems that some of his co-workers reported to the higher ups that he was an ass hole toward them. So they fired him. He was annoyed, he was fired because he would get angry because no one was doing their jobs.

But the Universe has way of taking care of ass holes like Josiah (LOL). Yes you see the next day he gets a job making 3000 more a year, plus better benefits. So you see just like I always say, the bigger the asshole the better the job. Or maybe it is what Jesse says, "No good dead goes unpunished"

So how did my weekend go. Lets see, Saturday morning I get up to go to work. Walk out to the car, put my key in the ignition. And turn, nothing, zip zilch nada. I instantly go into panic mode.

I call lukrativ because I knew he could give me a ride to work, since he had to be there anyway. I thought maybe I had left a door open or something (Because I did have to get laundry out of my car Friday night.) And figured someone seen my door was open and closed it for me.

I get to work, and getting ready to count down the drawers when I knock one in the floor, change flies everywhere. I think even 2 coin rolls burst. At this time I was ready to cry. It was not a good moment for me.

Luke and I drove over to the bank, because afterwards we were going to run and get donuts down the street. Luke lets me go into the bank. I look around, and no bank girl.

Then I see she is in the drive thru. Oh well no way to talk to her today. I look over toward her, as the other girl is waiting on me. Then She turns around in the little room for the drive thru. Sees me, Smiles real big and Says "Hi".

I instantly melt, its like one of those swooning things that characters do in a comic book. I get a big green and wave. She smiles and turns back around. It won't be too much longer till I ask her out. I am just a bundle of nerves, there is just something she does to me, and I have no clue what it is.

I did also talk to her a little bit on Tuesday. I found out she is 23 years old, maybe 2. She seems really reliable, she had the same job she had before the bank for 6 and a half years. And she has worked here in the bank since about October. (Funny little coincidence, that is about the same time I got moved to the store I am working at right now.) She even recalled where I had worked before from a conversation we had about a 2 months ago.

Lukrativ thinks she may be interested in me, basically they are supposed to be nice to everyone, but he said the fact that she did not have to say anything to me from across the room. I am not getting my hopes up.

Anyway back to the car. At that point seeing her Saturday, you could have told me I was dying of cancer and I would have had a smile on my face for at least an hour.

Tent sale went good, Jeff picked me up from work, took me home, and we jumped my car. I turned the engine off, and turned it back on... Nothing. We jumped it again and drove it across town. I turned the engine off at there house... turned it back on.. nothing.

Well we could not do anything at that point. We all had places to be, I rode with Josiah to our game. While Matt, Jeff and Phil went to an Evansville Otters Baseball game.

Afterward, we took my car battery down to Auto Zone to get it tested. By this time I had heard ever horror story imaginable about what could be wrong with my car. I heard altenator stories, I heard electric wiring stories. No one would tell me it could be something simple.

They test the battery, and much to my dismay, the battery was fine. He did however say the that batter was in a 4p. Piss Poor Proper Procedure. Translation, someone did not take a very good car of the battery.

He said one of the terminals looked pretty burnt. So he used a wire brush to remove some of the corrosion. He acted like this battery had survived war somewhere, to me it did not look all that bad. So when he told me to go home and try it again. I did not hold out much hope.

I knew it was something worse. So we got back to Matt and Jeff's. Jeff cleaned off the terminal connectors on my car, scraping the inside of them out. He said he even had to tighten the connectr on the positive side because it had been really loose.

He jumped me again. Let it run for 10 minutes. I just knew that it was not going to start. I had pretty much given up hope. So I turned off the engine. And turned it again. It fired right up. I let it run a little while longer. Turned it off, and fired it up three more times. Each time it started without a problem.

I drove it home, set my alarm clock for 5 in the morning. I was still pretty paranoid. I woke up at three. I went out and started it again.. it turned over. Got up again at 5, and again it started up. Got up again at 7 and started up again. Got rteady for work, and left.

So I am sitting at the gas station. in the pouring rain, I just filled up my gas tank. Now i kow from experience, Rob's law say this. If your vehicle is going to die on you, it will be right after you filled up the tank, or in the middle of a rainstorm. So i knew when I got back into my car, with a full tank of gas, and a rainstorm, there was no way in God's green earth that it would start.

For Once I was wrong, it started up fine. And Knock on Wood (or me) (OH Yea, Bank Girl Thinks that is funny when I say that) it is okay. It ran all night tonight.

So maybe the weekend did not turn out so bad after all. Because even though I had car troubles, it may have just been a simple bit of maitence took care of the problem.

Jeff, your my hero. LOL

Well good night guys, off tomorrow, and then Tuesday is another bank girl day. THH thought it was funny when I told her about the smile from bank girl. She said that the way I acted was like a man who converted back to a seven year old because I giggled when i described how that smile made me feel..

I hope BG never comes acrosss this blog, cause I sign like a drivingly idiot. Oh well, sorry for the long post. Everyone have a good night.

I Hate Guys like You (My second post of today)

2006-05-29T20:49:00.001-05:00

So i worked with Jane Eyre again on Friday. And somehow the bank girl was brought up. See Lukrativ and I each have a bank girl we have a thing for. Jane Eyre brought it up becuase she knew I was crushing on a girl over there.

This somehow ended up being a lecture. I told her of my lack of courage and how I am working it up by talking to her, because lets face it, a man you know nothing about asking you out can be kind of scary in this day and age.

She got mad at me because there was a guy she liked in high school, who she heard liked her also. Well he never had the courage to ask her out, and she is old fashion, she wants the guy to ask her out. So now she has graduated, this guy has never asked her out, and she is a little bitter about it.

"I hate guys like you." She told me that if you like someone you ask them out, grow a pair and ask them out. I think she even used that exact phrase. But in my defense, i tried to explain that I know little about her, and that I still do not know if she has a boyfriend. At least this guy was told by mutual friends that they had a thing for each other.

If one of the other girls had told me that bank girl liked me, then I would ask her out that day. That simple, its the rejection that I dont like to deal with. I guess we have to deal with it at some point.

I also got a little look into the female mind. She told me that I am way to nice. Women see nices guys are good friends. If you are too nice they tend to use you. And they see you as nothing more than friendship material. Great so now I am going to be in the friend zone with everygirl i date because I am chronicly nice. See women are just fucked in the head sometimes.

I also told her I also have trouble becuase I have a self confidence issue about my looks. She told me that I have to get them to see through that. You have something to offer a women, you just have to find out what it is.

Around here its money or looks, and well frankly I don't much of either.

Then comes Saturday. I get a response from a girl off yahoo personals. Not justa girl, but a girl that probably does not weigh more than 150 if you look at her picture. She sends me a stock message, I liked your profile, how do you like to be contacted.

is she blind. I have pictures of myself on the profile. Do I look like the kind of guy that slender, gorgeous women flock too. Then I looked at her picture, and figured it out. She looks kind of Italian. Those women see fat guys as sexy cause of the mob. I cant date this girl, her uncle is going to have me fitted for concrete shoes. I dont need Tony Soprano breaking my legs.

Also she likes adventre in her life. Look at me do I look like an adventure. I get sweaty watching nature channels on tv. Adventure for me is throing Tomb Raider in the 360. I can't swim, i dont run, and I sure as hell dont ride roller coasters.

So I am not sure what she seen in me. But I sent a message now just to se if she has come to her senses and not respond anymore. Besides Slender aint my thing. I am not saying I could not live with it, but man I am afraid a girl like this could kill me.

Well maybe I can have a good conversation with bank girl tomorrow, and I will actually get to see her on tuesday as well, but we shall have to see.

Goodnight all.

Baby Steps

2006-05-24T22:56:00.000-05:00

Well its been one of those days. I can not say this entire week has been a wash. But it definitely has its ups and downs. I sit here writing to you frustrated as all hell. Tonight was the season finale of Lost.

I waited all week for this, I even took off a night of work so I could watch it with the other fanatic Lost watcher I know. My Mom. I had to do laundry anyway, so I thought I could do that during the day and stay and watch Lost with her.

So we are all engrossed in Lost. There had been thunder storms coming through the tristate area. So it was the last 10 minutes of Lost, and the power goes out. And still has yet to come back on over there. If I had stayed home I would have been able to watch it in its entirety.

But the good news is that they will show the episode on abc.com and I can see the last 10 minutes. I have to say they did good answering some of the questions, and I just want to know what I missed in the last ten minutes.

I talked to bank girl again yesterday. Wow, there is just something about that smile. It can make me fee l good, and at the same time fill me with such fright. Because I so what to see that smile up close, and yet it requires me to take a leap of faith. One that I am going to have to do soon. Cause the thought of what she could be like its killing me to know.

Baby Steps! Baby Steps! Baby Steps!

The good news is that she takes the effort to say hi to me when I come in. That she will chat with me even when she is 2 stations away. And now she is in the habit of telling me bye when I leave. It seems everyone at the bank was on edge Tuesday, they got a new computer system, and they were all learning it. She told me I should be glad i did not have her, because she would be slower than everyones else in learing the system.

I told her naw, I am patient, and I dont have to be anywhere important. Oh Wait work. Hahaha I laughed. She laughed we all had a laugh. I di make it a point to say bye to her and use her name. Instead of just saying bye. So maybe she understands i just see her as not just another face in the crowd.

But then again she may not be interested and i am seeing all this wrong. Since I am sure I am sounding like a putz. Or is it a stalker I get those two confused. Someone want to clarify those for me.

On to the Xbox. As I sit here I am at a gamer score of 4293, 95 points away from my mentor's score of 4388. I have one more boss monster to defeat in Kameo and with it, i get a hundred more points. This is a monumental thing for me. He is my English Brother from another mother and it will make me proud to stomp his ass in gamer points. This is an amazing feat that i can not wait to trump him in. When he comes back from florida he is not going to know what hit him.

TALE OF THE TAPE

But there is my life at the moment. I am also thinking about entering a contest in Septmeber. Its a 3 day novel contest. You have 72 hours to right a novel. The only hang up i have about it is that it cost $50 to enter, its not much, but I am just worried that I will waste my money if I enter and dont complete my novel in three days.

Grammar and speeling are not really counted, as they do not expect perfection in a novel that is written in 3 days. But the winner gets a publishing deal for the novel you write. He knows right, I have a month or more to decide to try or not. The rules can be found at 3daynovel.com if you are interested.

Well good night all.

For Someone who can't Swim, things seem to be Going swimingly

2006-05-16T20:53:00.000-05:00

Well I had a fairly good day today. I got up this morning and took myself down to the BMV. I got there about 8:05. There was no line. So I walked down to the grocery to use therestroom and buy myself a drink.

I came back to a line of 5 people. But at least I was able to get into a place right away to get my drivers license renewed. $26 later I come out a little upset at the price, but at least I can drive until 2012. I will have to renew one more time before the end of the Mayan calendar, couldn't they just update the drivers license one more year, so when the world ends we dont have bay $26 beforehand, i mean we cant take it with us when we go. :)

Then procceded to the bank. I walk in the door and se only one bank employee, and it aint my bank girl. I am saddened by this. But oh well, so wait for a few seconds i front of the teller.

She tried to make small talk but, I was kind of distracted, none of the regulars were working up front. Then I hear a familar, Hello. I turn to see bank girl smiling at me.

I ask he if she got wet yesterday doing yard work. She laughed and told me she did not yard work. She asked how i was doing. I told her I was doing pretty good. I total ignored the girl doing our bank deposit.

Bank girl stepped into the window next to mine. Another women came up to hear window. She asked bank girl if she was Tori today (Because that was the name plate sitting in front of her window.) She laughed and said no.

I leaned over and told the other lady, naw she is better than Tori. I got a thank you out of it. And my deposit was done and I walked away, when bank girl yelled to me, See you later, I turned and told her to have a nice day.

See I call that progress, not as much progress as a Sole thought or a pro divorce could get I am sure... but hey this is one large leap for Rob Kind. I actually felt good today when I left the bank. But i ma trying to let her know a little at I time that I am interested in her, I am thinking she is getting the hint.

But as the mentally Challenged individual Bill would say, Oh Well. (Bill is a guy who comes into our store everyday, and you are guarenteed to hear three things, "Oh Well", "That Billy Graham has had That Parkinson's for a lot of years now, I bet he wont live to 88.{Usually followed with another, Oh well}, and "you guys close at xx:xx time tonight right.") Oh that wacky Bill.

Tomorrow is the first day of my vacation. I am thinking of going to the library and check out a few books. I have not read anything in a while. May be see f Stephen King's Cell is availaible or even Michael Crichton's Prey. Surely I can find something to read.

Well good night all.

Another Year Come and Gone

2006-05-15T21:51:00.000-05:00

Today was another of those birthday things. Yeah they use to to be a lot more exciting then they are now. I was almost guaranteed Sex on this day, I use to get something I wanted. But for the single guy, its kind of a drag.

I started the day out by cleaning the apartment up, so I could get the recliner Matt and Jeff were giving me. I need to get some Carpet fresh so I ran down the the street to the dollar general store.

On the way home, I passed a cop going 14 miles over the speed limit. He was an unmarked car. I suddenly felt my entire day going bad. He asked for license and registration and proof of insurance.

He was in his car for a long time. I knew he was writing me up a ticket. Just one more thing to make me fret over. Rising insurance, paying for a ticket, stuff I just really can not afford.

It was my fault I know. I was just in a hurry to get home so I could relax. So he comes up to the side of my car. The whole time I am thinking that this cop is going to be an ass and give me a ticket on my birthday.

instead I lucked out. He handed me my information back, and explained to me he was giving me a written warning. It seems that for my Birthday God gave me a gift of a break. Seems the EPD got new radar guns, and they have to spend 30 hours testing them before they can actually right tickets.

Thank You Dear Lord. I really appreciate that. Also he pointed out that my drivers license expires today. So I needed to go to the BMV and renew it. This is where my luck runs out. The BMV is not opened on Mondays. So its going to cost me more because I did not realize it expired today. If I knows that I would have gotten it renewed on Friday or Saturday.

Oh well. I just hope I do not have to take that stupid test again. Oh well tomorrow is my last day at work until Sunday. I have absolutely nothing planed to do.

And this fall I am going of DDR Diet. I found something that I could enjoy doing and it is good exercise. Dance Dance Revolution Universe is coming to the Xbox 360. And I hear alot of succsess stories about people loosing weight doing it. (A girl lost over 100 pounds playing it.)

I was telling the Jane Eyer (Nickname for the new girl since she is in love with romantic period pieces) this, and she laughed because it is a well known fact that when the store is empty I will dance across the wooden floor to what ever happens to be playing. ( I am especially Noturious for dancing to "Dancing Queen") (Yes i am still very much straight)

I figured DDr on the 360 would keep me motivated since I can play online with Others. Some how I feel like this is the way for me to go. And once I build up my cardiovascular system i will be able to go jogging in the evenings.

I thought if I could get down to 200 I don't think I will have trouble getting the attention of women, and I would be so much healthier. It is just a thought. But I think it is a good idea. The biggest problem is waitng til probably november to get the game. I wish they would bring it out a little sooner. I may buy it on PS2 to get a little practice.

Anyway let me know what you think.

Later
Robert

One Year

2006-05-11T01:29:00.000-05:00

Well hello guys, it has beena long year. Today is this Blogs anniversary. I have been doing this for 365 days. Sad but True.

Anyway on to other matters. It seems that Keely is interested in getting to know me all over again. It seems that all of a sudden, the " The man of her dreams" wants to seprate. Hmm I did not see that coming, okay i am lying I totally did.

Seems that she has given me her phone number. And she wants me to call her. Part of me is flattered by this. Are you telling me that after 8 years of not speaking to each other, I was sudenly good enough to want to spend time with again. The women that has slept with more men than I can count is looking for her virgin conquest. Damn, i never knew I had that affect on people.

So I am not interested. But a part of me thinks that it could be the key to what i have been missing for a year now. I could give into the dark side, and just go for it. (I would be double or even triple bagging it cause she has been ridden more than a coney island roller coaster) But its just not me, and there would be no futre in it. I want a future, I want a legacy, i dont want another heartbreak.

Part of me would love to do it for vengence, to get back at her for the way she done me. But I cant really blame her, because my life was actually decent with Sarah until things went Sour, so her leaving was a blessing in disguise.

Sarah was always jealous of her. I never understood that I guess. Maybe it was because she was my first, I mean I was jealous of her first. I guess most of us have this inside jealous, i dont know. I honestly can say no one besides Sarah, have I cared about who they slept with.

So anyway, I think I will just keep that number saved in my hard drive. I dont need to call her. I think it would be asking for trouble. Love is always better than lust, but still it feels good to think that someone out there has had me and missess me.

Robert

My life is So fucking great

2006-05-08T22:51:00.000-05:00

Well I check myspace tonight. And guess what I have a new message. Well I check to see who wrote me, and suddenly my world filled with dread. The Ex had tracked me down. Yes the First Ex, KEELY.

(Ominous thunderclap)

Seems that she wrote me saying she seen my profile, and sent me an email to see how I am doing. Translation, I want to rub it in that you are divorced and I am still married. Yes even though she did not remember the meaning of monogamy. She has cheated on this guy, and pretty much did not care who she did it with. (Ex wife had one of Keely's many conquest move in to her apartment community. And he bragged to Sarah about sleeping with Keely)

So I visit her page, there is no picture. And her little Profile says, "I am a Nurse in Henderson, and I am married to the man of dreams, so i am not looking to replace him."

She put in her email that she missed my quirky ways. My quirky ways, am I really that quirky.

All i know is its been a bad weekend, I am tired and cant sleep. I am depressed again and I cant shake it cause everything just seems to get worse no matter what i do. And now I have to have her rub it in that she is happily married and that she was right that Sarah and I would never make it.

And put on top of everything, i cant even frickin check my email cause something is wrong with my ISP.

Well I am getting off here before I can a rash from wallowing in self pity.

Robert

Fees Yo... 25 cents to connect

2006-05-03T01:28:00.000-05:00

Okay I had a funny experience last weekend that I some how forgot. We went to the mall, Josiah, Matt and I. As we are walking toward the music store, a group of guys are walking towards us.

Josiah points out that it is a group of guys that look very similar to the guys who do the T-mobile ads. They are dressed up in all kinds of bling, I mean if you put a pictures of these guys next to the Poser Mobile guys, I bet you would not tell them apart. One of them even had the belt buckle with a digital display.

I only wished I had my camera so I could have taken that picture to share with everyone.

Not much going on, just my boring old life. I did talk to bank girl today. I think I am a lot less nervous about talking to her now. I think I had myself so hyped up that I had to ask her out, I was getting to worked up.

I decided to just talk to her, I asked her how her weekend was. She replied that it was good, then she elaborated on it. She said she spent yesterday helping her mom with yard work and and mowing grass. A lot of information for a simple question.

We talked about the rain, because she said she had gotten rained on yesterday while working in the yard. She asked how I was doing, and I told her pretty good. So hey, I feel good because I actually talked to her, that's a big step for me. And I am getting the definite feeling that she does not have a boyfriend. Not many people would hang out with a parent and do yard work if they were in a relationship. I could be wrong.

So I am going to see how talking to her works out. Maybe then slip in a you wanna go out for coffee sometime, I just have to not get myself so worked up. All I know I have been feeling depressed for like a week now, and her smile and conversation seemed to revive me a little bit.

I went to the cemetery to visit my dad's grave yesterday. It had been a while since I had done that. Mom wanted to drop off some new flowers, since his birthday is coming up on the 14th. The day before mine.

"He was his 35th birthday present and I had been paying for it every since" was his favorite quote when talking about our birthdays being a day apart.

Yup I will turn 29 this year. I am pushing 30. I would never have guessed at 29 my life would be so empty. I guess they are right, happiness has its way of taking its sweet time. I guess this birthday will be as depressing as the last.

I am coming up on my year anniversary of blogging. I started this blog on May 11th. I guess that is a small triumph. Not many blogs make it to a year. I may not get as many comments as other blogs, but I have been here a long time. I guess to say that I felt my life was over a year ago, and I am still here.

I may cry here and now, I may sometimes miss my ex. I have dated, and broken hearts unintentionally but I guess its all part of my story, and dammit I aint dead yet.

Well good night all.

Breakdowns, the help, and a rant about the NINTENDO piss.. I mean wii

2006-04-28T13:23:00.000-05:00

Well how is everyone doing. I have not written much lately. I had run out of valuable stuff to say. Its more that than my Xbox 360, I play it alot still, but nothing exciting is really going on with me.

We hired a friend of Ray o Sunshine to work at our store. And it is funny cause it is the same girl that Ray-o-sunshine joked around with me about if I thought she was cute. I still dont have a nickname for her yet, so i will have to keep working on that. But no worries, unlike other people I know, i am not hitting on co-workers or doing anything to make them uncomfortable, she is 11 years younger than me and has not graduated high school yet. (This apparently has not stopped other people I have worked with in the past)

I had a crying spell last night after I got off work. I just had a moment of totally lonliness, and wishing that my ex wife and I could have worked things out. It has been a year and I hate that I still have these spells. I wonder sometimes if she has that same feeling, if she regrets it. I have not a spell like that in 2 months, so i guess I was due for one.

No prospects on the dating front. Everyone thinks I took the entire thing with bank girl a little harsh, and maybe I did. But I really doubt I could ask her out, I am just not good at it. And there is this mental block that just keeps from doing something dangerous like that. Okay not dangerous, but risky. I am not even sure its a confidence thing, because the fact is, I have never really gone out with a girl and her turn me down for a second date if i asked. But I just have a hard time with the risk taking aspect, and the embarrasment. So its easier for me to find women online. So I guess if i knew Bank Girl was looking, and single it would have helped.

On to the Xbox 360 front. I love Battlefield 2: Modern Combat. PC players scoff at how this console version of battlefield could even be fun compared to the pc. Well maybe I love it cause I never played the pc version. But I have never been a PC gamer.

Nintendo gave the final name for its new system, the Nintendo Wii (prounouced WE) and all I have to say is that has got to be an even dumber name then the Xbox 360. Yes they explain why they are calling it this, something about connectivity and blah blah blah. I was planning on gettting one after it was released, but unfortanately it is not worth it now. Its only a little more powerful than a the current generation Game Cube, the controller is the dumbest idea ever for a video game system, and it only connects to the internet wirelessly. I dont have a wireless connection, and i am not spending the money to go wirelessly because it can cuase drop outs in the middle of a game. I cant have a game of Battlefield dropping me out and loosing my scare every hour for no reason.

Yeah I gues there are good wireless connection, but friends of mine have a wireless connection and I hear this every weekend.. Opps I lost connection the the internet, I cant find where it is connected, oh let me reconfigure this.. o there we go. Nope to much work. Nintendo has lost my business... I dont care how cheap the system is, if I cant get the most bang for my buck, then screw em.. how hard would it have been to include an ethernet connection on the back of the fucking system..

Well Rant over,

Have a good day, and make sure to visit my Xbox 360 blog as it tells all kind of stories about me.

Robert

Parent of the year

2006-04-24T21:47:00.000-05:00

I had to work Friday night. Which i do almost every friday night. No big deal to me. tree hugging hippie was working with me also. It was a pretty slow night.

A women came in with her 2 children. Littles girls, one was 7 and the other was like 3-4. They both start running around the store, hitting shelves and knocking movies in the floor. THH said very nicely, almost in a funny way, "Kids the life guard said you need to quit running around the pool, or she will put you in time out.

usually this is folowed by, "get over here right now!" instead white trash momma says, "What did she say to you?" For the most part they behave, until they come up to the register.

THH waits on white trash momma, when the little girl again starts running back and forth in front of the wooden floor. CLomping her flip flops as loud as she can. Then runs back and forth again.

THH again speaks up, "Girls Quit running before you hurt yourself."

Now White trash momma has just watched her kids do this, she could hear the clomping, because there were people in LA thinking it was an earthquake. Instead of telling her children to behave, she opens with this.

"These are my children, and you dont need to talk to them in that way."

THH responds with, "well i am just trying to keep them from getting hurt, they dont need to be running around the store."

WTM: Well if they are running around you need to let me know, and I will tell them to stop running, not you.

Did i miss something here. She seen them creating a disturbance. Not once did she tell them to behave. She ignored it and let them do what they wanted. So she started to leave the store, gathered up her items, and told her girls to come on.

Now when you read this next part, i want you to know I am not a heartless bastard, but if karma can be a little bitch, I can laugh at the results of it. WTM gives Torrie a dirty look as she leaves, you can hear in her mind, "You will rue the day you tried to make my children behave. Mhwahahahahaha"

The little girl opens the door and takes off running toward her car. And trips and slides across the asphalted drive way, skinning up her knee. She started bawaling. Yes it probably hurt, and I feel bad for the little girl, but I could not stop laughing.

White Trash momma felt like an idiot, and she deserved it. People like that should have CPS on there ass for being negligent. These are the children's parents of our future. Oh well.

I hope you agree with mr on my canidate for mother of the year.

Robert

My Xbox 360 is blogging

2006-04-24T18:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, this is a little creepy. My 360 is now keeping an online blog about my habits. Or at least it will be in a few days.I looked at several other 360's that keep there own blog.

Its just a neat little program that I will get some humor out of and hopefully you guys do also.

I have a few funny stories to tell you tomorrow when I actually update this thing, I dont really feel like it at the moment. So everyone have a good night, and visit my 360's blog in the near future.

Robert

(the link to My 360's blog)

Love is Like The Cold War for Me

2006-04-20T23:41:00.000-05:00

Well constand reader, I think I have oficial called the bank girl saga over. And like the the cold war, it happened with barly a shot fired. You see I was bummed this week. A friend had said some nasty things on my blog. But one of the things that he said may not have been nasty.., it was the truth.

I went in to the bank on Tuesday, and I went up to a teller, and then I seen bank girl come out of a side room, we looked at each other, I said hi, and she just walked on by with out saying anything. Like I never exsisted.

I took this as a terrible blow to my ego. I know that i am not much in the way of confidence, but if she was even remotely inrested in me then she would have acknowledge me. So i think the book is probably closed on this ever happening. Besides we know I am a big pussy and was never going to ask her out.

Maybe we can get SOLE to start up a business like Hitch. Then he can help those lovable looser like myself to get the women they want, how about it Sole LOL.

So I guess in the next few weeks I am going to hit the online personals, update with a better pic, the ex says I need one with a smile, and maybe holding my dog Tiki. So we can get that set up. Plus maybe a haircut is in order.

So goodnight fellow travellers. All my bruised ego and I are signing off.

R

What Up my Peeps

2006-04-17T10:15:00.000-05:00

I hope you guys had a wonderful Easter. Nothing special here. I did not paint Easter eggs, and I did not get an Easter basket, or a gosh damn chocolate rabbit. I really wanted a white chocolate rabbit this Easter and I could not find one for myself.

So what's been up. Not much. I have been a little pissed at my friend who left what I call a rather nasty comment on here. I just want to go over a few things real fast.

One thing I am is cautious. I don't make rash decisions anymore. I cant afford to jump into things very fast. I like safe and calm, its just me. Why have I not asked out bank girl. Well your right, I don't like rejection. And I am afraid right now, that if I get rejected I am not sure how my emotional state can handle it.

Yes, I have dated since my divorce, every women I have dated since my divorce I met over a dating service online. Its easier to ask out those women because of two reasons. One: You are pretty sure they are single, hence the reason they are on a dating site. Two: If they say no, no big deal, you never have to see them again.

This girl works at the bank I go to everyday that I work during day shift. So if I get turned down, I don't want it to be awkward between us.

Yes I do understand that I may sound like a putz because I can't ask a girl out. But when I try to work through my head as to what to do, I don't think it makes me a depraved stalker. If I start saying, "I wonder which car she drives" and watching from a business when she gets off work to find out, that could be seen as stalking. Following her home, that would be stalking.

Also, I never really said that she was flirting with me, I said I was trying to flirt with her. She has said hi to me a few times when I come into the bank, and even come over and said hi while doing something else. Does that mean she is in love with me, no. I don't think that. Yes she could have an interest, but I am not saying that she is just not being friendly.

All this is new to me, and everyone is right, if I would just ask her out, then we could get this drama over with. And I am not saying I will never do it, but I need to drum myself up for this. And sadly, I am the only one who gets hurt if I don't. (Okay technically if she likes me, she may suffer because I never asked her out, but lets just take this from a selfish standpoint, since it is my blog :)

And also I would like to point out, this is not a cry for attention. That really set me off. A cry for attention is when people make stuff up so they can feel more important. There is not a fucking thing on this blog that is not 100% to my knowledge, not true. Sure I value other blog posters opinions, but they come here to read about me because they want to. Its not that I drug them from other sites and highjacked them. If they like to read about me, then they do.

This blog was created for one reason, and one reason alone. It was a place to put my thoughts out there for me to get things off my chest. I put everything out there that I want. If you read it, great, if not that's fine also.

Further more, I have not had a degenerative mental state. I have been doing a lot better lately. I don't escape my problems, I deal with them. I understand my circle of friends think that I am using the Xbox 360 as an escape. Well we can all say that yes it is an escape, but I still deal with my issues, I can think about my problems and play a silly little game all I want to. Its called multitasking.

Oh and to others who read this blog, I am not going to give up my "idiot box". The thing about it is, its what I do for enjoyment, if you don't like me talking about it, then don't read my fucking blog. 90% of the games I play are "online". Meaning I am talking with people that I value as friends. Masta Chief (Allan) is my best online friend. A guy that has been there for me since the divorce, who gets worried when I am not online for at least once a week. Who will actually call me from England and even told me that he is going to pay to bring me over for vacation at some time in the future. So I am not giving up my Xbox. And yes when I get into another relationship, I will spend a lot less time on it.

Well I have vented a little bit. I feel better, I think you are an Ass dogolopee. I have known that for years so I guess I should have not took it as hard as I did. But I am over it and your still my friend. Now I am going to get off here. If I pissed off anyone who reads this blog I am sorry. But its my story. And I am sticking to it.

Question for U

2006-04-12T15:34:00.000-05:00

Okay guys still no move on bank girl, could not have even if i wanted to. She was working the teller window again. She never seems to work the line anymore.

I think i have a lot of big hangups aout asking her out. I am worried about if she has a boyfriend or not. I thought about maybe asking her co worker just a little bit about her. (She always cuts up with Lukrativ and I) I am just not sure if that is a good idea or not. But it would give me a lot more courage if I know she is single. Anyway

Gotta Run

Let me know
Robert

God Is Reaching For Me

2006-04-09T20:02:00.000-05:00

I came home tonight, early from hanging with my friends. A little sadnes enterd my heart today, and I let it in, just a pinch. A year ago today, I had sex with my life for the last time. Afterward she gathered up the dogs, their toys, and left.

Afterward I slipped my wedding band off. I knew this divorce would happen this time. It was supposed to be a better night. She was supposed to stay the whole night with me, but she had other places to be.

One year. In the last year, the best day of my life, felt like the worst day of my life when I was with her. But I survived. I have been ahppy, sad, and every emotion inbetween.

My ring finger still bears the scar. The first week I took the ring off, I was told that three months down the road it would be gone. My "flesh ring" would fade away.

After three months and it was still there, they told me wait til 6 months. At 6 months nothing had changed. They said give it another three months.

I gave it a year. Its still here. It has not faded, it has not gone away. I still see a wedding band on my finger. And I was a little worried about that. And I thought about it on the way home.

maybe when we make a promise before God, so deep in our hearts, that our bodies will always show the scar if we fail. I loved Sarah, and more than anything I wanted to be with her forever. So maybe I have to wear the marlk of our failure because I wanted it so bad, that it scarred me.

But I think tonight God had other plans. I visit a website every week. www.postsecret.com

I read it every sunday when they update the page. Well somehow this postcard someone sent in said it all for me tonight. About how stupid an scared I am being. This postcard I am guessing, was put up last week. I am not sure how I missed it, in fact I am suprised I even found it tonight. But I want you to read it and see if you think God is reaching out to me with it.

This image is from the Post secret website, and I hope somebody does not sue me for using it.

So Do you think God just told me to ask out bank Girl as indirectly as he could. (In case you guys are not able to read the card, It says "Stop Being a Coward, Take the Risk, I'm Worth it"

Goodnight all
Robert "Even God just told me to grow some testicles" Wood

So how about that Weather

2006-04-07T09:13:00.000-05:00

Well not much to talk about today. Life is pretty okay at the moment. It could be better, it could be worse. It just a could be kind of of day. Anything can happen on a could be day right?

Lukrativ told me he is going to buy me a gift card for our store for me to give to bank girl. He wants me to give it to her so she would have a reason to come into my video store, and I would look like a nice guy. I just think given gifts to someone you don't really know is just kind of creepy.

He said he has tried it before, and its worked. All I know is that if you give a girl a gift, you best damn sure so it in person, or at least leave your name on it, so she knows who you are. Don't put Secret Admirer and your phone number. Why do you ask? Because you get called a stalker, and her brother threatens to beat you up.

Of Course brother would have made a mistake coming up in my house and threatening me. My two best friends were living with me at the time. But Hey whatever, it was my first time I tried something different to get a girls attention. High school is a funny time. I am just hoping when I do ask her out, or do something that I don't get threatened.

I am calming down a little more. I think I am working up the courage to ask her out. I am getting to the point that my life is lonely. Sure I have my friends and my Xbox 360, but without the USB sex toy Attachments , it does not stimulate me like a women can.

Sunday is coming up, and it will be a year since I had sex. Me and the ex had a one last tie night. I felt bad afterwards. It was not exactly how I planned it. Trust me I am not really looking for sex. I want the whole package. I want someone to watch movies with, someone who will make me feel better when I am down. Someone to spend the entire night talking to. And yes sex could not hurt. Its been so long since I had it I probably forgot ho anyway.

I have been walking a little taller, smile a little more. I try to smile at all women now. No matter how out of my league they may seem.

On to other news, Ray o Sunshine is quitting after next week. I sure will miss her. She was like a little kid sister. Now who is going to worry about what I eat. Oh well.

Oh and by the way, i had a great day sitting around and playing my Xbox. Much more fun than I would have going out to the park and being outside. But I will probably do that. I may see about getting me a laptop in the fall. I think if I could get a laptop and take it to the park I would do a lot more writing.

Good day all, gettign ready to go put my money down on Battlefield 2: Modern Combat for the 360. I have been dying for this game to come out.

Robert

Wednesday

2006-04-05T15:24:00.000-05:00

Well I have been enjoying Xbox this morning since about 6 am. I woke up and decided I just wanted to spend most of the day playing it. Spent half the morning on a Game called Oblivion, and speaking to one of my online friends F3RN0. (Ferno in case you are not 133t). We were both playing the same game, but its not multiplayer, but at least I could help him out, since he just got the game this morning. I could walk him through the questions he had, since it is a long rather difficult game.

I did Finish my first 360 game. Ghost Recon, and it was awesome. I went to the competition and rented Call of Duty 2. After a while of playing it, I just got bored with it. I wanted it because everyone told me it was good, but Next week Battlefield 2: Modern Combat comes out and I know I want that one.

Sorry about the 360 talk, just wanted to update my blog while I am downloading a demo of the new Tomb Raider game. Oh how I loved those games in the day. There has not been a good one in years, but hopefully this one will be awesome.

Well nothing to report on the bank girl front. Since I wont be going to the bank again until next Tuesday. Oh well. Its not like I would ask her out yet anyway. But hey who knows. I think it will happen. I can feel it.

Anyway good night all. And I will catch you later.

R0b3rt

The Road to Bank Girl

2006-04-04T19:05:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I did not get to be waited on by bank girl today. I was disappointed because I could see her all the way over by the teller window, hoping to catch her eye so I could smile or something.

And about half way through my transaction, I lost all hope when another car pulled to her window. So I was pretty certain she would not even notice me today. But God had other plans methinks.

Seems the lady she had at her bank window had a rather large check or something to cash. Bank girl had not been there as long as everyone else, because she could not remove the funds without permission.

Well another girl called to her and told her that she could handle the transaction. So Bank Girl brought it to the teller next to me, looked up and smiled...

"Hello." She Breathed. Following with that smile that just melts me like ice cream in summer, well all right

"Hi." I tell her back, trying to put as much as much manliness in my voice as I could muster, without trying to do a super hero impression. I followed it up with another smile.

"How are you doing?" She asked me, while looking into my eyes. I replied I was fine, and asked her how she was doing, she said fine and my bank transaction was finished. I told the two of them to have a good day, and smiled at her as I walked off.

So I am sure she asks everyone what kind of day they are having right? Nothing out of the ordinary. But why do I feel like I hear birds freaking singing when she talks to me. I am sick. It has to be that. Ack this is too much pressure.

I still have the little card in my pocket, but I feel like I am about to take a chance, maybe. I am just nervous. Man I wish this were easier. In third grade you could always send your friend over to talk to the girl for you. Now I just don't think that is as cute when your pushing 30.

Oh well there is always next week.

Robert

2006-04-03T23:32:00.000-05:00

Okay I sit here tongiht, nervous. I am trying to go through asking out bank girl. I have taken alot of peoples advice, and put together a conclusion.. I am a big ole' pussy.

I made out a little card with my name and phone number o it. I can drop it off to her and ask her to call me. I just dont think i am going to e able to do anything. I am so nervous. I am sitting here shaking. I am tweeking out, ack...

I can not figure out why this girl I know truly nothing about is making me feel this way. It defies the laws of chemistry. I dont get it. It cant be love, maybe is fucking phermones, i dont know. Maybe she does think i am cute and she gets worked up when she sees me and i get worked up because of that. I am literally chewing on my fist right now as I type this. I only ge nervous like this before dates, this is really unlike me.

Its like part of me wants to ask her out so bad, and the other part does not want to be rejected and they are at war with each other. Its not fair I tell you. Right now If I were a betting man, I am going to say the safe bet would be that i am going to chicken out.

So I pray to God for Guidance as always. I ask those of you who pray to also do the same.

Good Night
Chicken McFraidycat

A Beautiful Night For a Blog

2006-03-30T23:33:00.000-06:00

I sit here in my apartment tonight with the windows wide open, in he perfect quiet of the night. There is nothing going on around here, no drama, no yelling, no screaming.

I am in a good mood right now. I have a smile on my face. As Alien a pressence as that is. Part of me is feeling okay with myself. There are 2 reasons for this, and they start below.

I have been talking to the ex wife. She has been going through an emotional crisis right now. I have tried to be there to support her, most may ask why, but you know what I have my reasons.

I have waited for over a year for validation. That to her I was nothing more than someone she just used to get by. Part of her rejection of me threw me out of balance. Why would anyone want me, if she did not.

She finally admied to me she made mistakes, and that she continues to make them. She told me that I was good to her. I neeeded to hear this things from her. Because rejection is one of those things, if the person leaves you and stays happy then you really were never worth the effort. Now she sees that I was a decent and loving person.

I dont want her to suffer. It is not that I feel good because she is suffering, but because she realizes, ever how slim she feels it, that I was a Good and decent husband. Or at least I tried. And she also learned that as much as she could have done better, she could also do alot worse.

I do still love her, do not get me worng, and as long as I am single, she and i may have a chance down the road, albeit a slim one, but there is that chance. "There will be Water if God Wills it". But right now I get it. Its over, and she is the only one that could change it otherwise.

Part 2 to this happiness resides in a friend that I always share witty banter with over the instant messenger. We were talking yesterday about things, and the bank girl.

She asked me if i was going to ask her out, and I told her I was not sure. The same conversation I have had with Josiah, Lukrativ, Solethoughts, Ben, Wil, the ex wife and the other countless constant readers.

This girl then suprised me out of the blue, she went down a list of things that I had going for me. She even told me I was cute. Okay i dont think she was being serious on that one, but part of me felt it was genuine, and not just being a confidence booster. Then she even told me that my voice is cute, that I got that Southeren twand to it.

I always hated my voice, always thoguht it made me sound less intelligent than I am. It was never deep enough, sometimes I think my voice forgot to go through puberty. But I digress, but some women just like my voice.

A week ago I got a call at work from Florida. A women was calling to get a customer number. At the end of the call, she said, "I just love that accent."

At the time i was very stunned and thought she was making fun of me. I dont take compliments well. So anytime someone makes a comment I usually think they are making fun of me.

So I have qualities that women find attractive, maybe I dont see them all the time. But I even tonight had a women I was joking with give me that head tilt, like she was thinking about me in different way. Because I was cutting up with her about a video game she rented for her daughter. Who knows, but I did catch it.

So how long will these feelings go on. I honestly can not tell you. I would like them to go on forever, I had a little more confidence today than usual. Maybe women can smell that.

I just have to work on it. Everyone is gunning for me to ask out Bank Girl. Even the Ex wife is calling me a coward. That is sad. But I hope everyone has a great night.

PS: If anything is said negativly about the ex wife then i will delete those comments. I did not bring her up for you guys to cut her down.

R

Bank Girl revisited

2006-03-28T19:37:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I walked into the bank this morning. And no bank girl. I also did not see very many people I recognize there either. I was disappointed because I just knew she had quit or had moved to a different branch.

I scanned the bank, and nothing, she was nowhere to be seen. I started to walk to the teller, when I looked to the left and seen her coming out of a side room. I locked eyes with her, and she smiled and said, Hello.

I got goosebumps, I replied to her and smiled, she seemed to slow down a bit before she walked on to the teller window. So there was no way she could wait on me, but I felt so damn good all day. I don't know what is in me, because I just melt every time I see her. I have only felt this way about one other women. I can not explain it, but maybe I just did.

But I am going to have to think/do/try something because if it feels this good to just see her smile, what could the rest of "her" be like.

Man, somedays I just feel like Tweek..

Ack that's too Much Pressure

Hey wait a sec, I have actually buttoned a shirt up that way... Damn you Matt and Trey I am suing you for intellectual properties...

Bank Girl

2006-03-27T16:40:00.000-06:00

Okay, I am not sure what has happened here, but Bank girl has not worked since Thursday. I have had to go to the bank everyday since then, and have not seen her. So I am wondering if she has quit or moved to another bank.

So if she did leave, then I guess it puts a damper on the entire asking her out. I guess it will also teach me a lesson about waitng forever to ask someone out. So I will have to see whats going on. Maybe ask the other girl at the bank where she is. I just dont want to come off as a stalker.

Anyway back to the xbox

Robert

Coming up For Air

2006-03-23T21:11:00.000-06:00

Hiya guys, sorry I have been out of the loop. The new "wife" has been demanding I spend time with her. She is so pretty and smooth. And when I play with her she just glows.

Anyway. I was watching the movie Bruce Almighty, and I came to a revelation. or at least a very good idea of why things like my heartbreak happen, especially if there is a God.

I know there is a God. I have faith. Yet we wonder why bad things happen. Why he lets bad things happen to us. I think I understand things a little more clearly. And it may sound kind of cheesy.

I read in a blog post by Pro-divorce about someone responding they were blessed. Not fine, okay, that they were blessed. And that got me thinking after watching Bruce Almighty.

You have your ordinary guy, all he wanted was to get the anchor job and stop doing the goofy stories. I almost see metaphors for my life. I am ordinary. No doubt about it.

Bruce had a good life. He had a women who loved him, and he never noticed it. He spent his time pining over what he did not have, instead of what he did. He was mad at god because he was not getting what he demanded.

Do we not all do this from time to time. Always feel we dont get what we want. That we never look at our blessings. And i think that is why God took Sarah from me. To humble me.

I had not seen the bessings of a wife that loved me. I was too concerned about where I was in life. I wanted a Child, and I had arguments with od about why I was not given a child. Why was it that the only thing I wanted, he wasted on teenagers, drug adddicts, and men who never want to take responsobility for them.

So God got tired of me bitching. He humbled me. He took away my blessings. he took away Sarah, he took away my truck, he took away my house. He did not do it to punish me. he did it so next time, I had a wife, a truck and a house and wanted more that I would appreciate the love I was given.

If I ever get my life straightened again. If I find the women I am supposed to be with I will not take her for granted."There will be water, if God wills it."

Dont get me wrong I dont think I took Sarah for granted, i think I just took my comfortable life for granted. I would have given anything at any point to have her back. But that is the other gift God gives us... Free Will. We make our decisions and just like Bruce, even with the power of God, we cant force someone to love us. As painful as it is. They still have to make those choices.

Anyway, i have my eyes back on Bank girl again. I was chatting to her today while waiting in her line, and I just realized how pretty I thought she was. I studied her face and the way she smiled. Even one time I even looked her in the eys and she smiled and i think i almost melted.

I even heard her make some comment about "Knocking on Wood" and I held out my arm and told her to go ahead, I am Wood, its my last name. She laughed and said thats cute. She even asked how long I had worked over there. i think next time i will ask her why we dont ever see her come over to our blockbuster, what do you think. To test the waters a bit..

Anyway, I think the "wife" is wanting some sweet loving.

COMING DEAR

March 22, 2005

2006-03-22T00:00:00.000-06:00

Well it is here, the anniversary of the day Sarah walked out of my life. We all know the story. No need to get back into the what happened and why.

One year, and some days I still suffer. I guess all things considered, I should. You don't love someone as much as I loved her and expect to get over it too quickly. So what emotions have I gone through since she left me.

I bet I prayed to God to bring her back to me 867 times. I bet I cried myself to sleep over 150 times. I bet I called her a bitch at least 100 times. And I bet I said I still loved her 365 more times.

I spent days where I only got out of bed to go to the rest room, because I could not think of any other reason to even want to. I bet I told God I just wanted my life to be over 200 more times. I blogged about my pain close to 200 times.

I missed her I am sure over 300 times, and hated her 63 days. I dreamed about her probably 50 times, and I was there to try to help her pick up the pieces a few times.

I at least wondered if she was okay once a week. And at least once a week I hope she suffered. And I at least scolded myself once a week for feeling that way. I wrote a letter to her parents once, that I planned to send, along with my wedding band. I never sent it. In fact I deleted it.

I hugged her a few times, and prayed that she would be okay. Why it broke my heart to see her that way. Yet it hurt me more to know that it hurts to love someone that much.

I've called her when she would talk to me. I emailed her when I felt like I needed. I even run into her at the grocery store once, and had to walk away before I started to cry.

I watched about 100 movies that I would have never watched, with her. I watched movies that I should have watched with her the first time.

I listened to others advice, though most of the time I ignored it. You can only hear, "the first thing you should have done when the divorce was final, was go get laid."

I've looked myself in the mirror and said, I am not that bad looking, I have looked in the mirror and said, I am the fattest most disgusting thing that has walked this planet.

I have been happy, I have been sad, I have been lonely, and I have been mad.

I even went on a few dates. And I am sure I will go on a few more. Yet somehow I will always compare them to her.

So what is a year, its 365 days of pure...
love?
Pain?
Life?

All I know is that it is a long time when you miss someone the way I missed her.

My Xbox 360

2006-03-20T10:29:00.000-06:00

I got my Xbox 360 home Friday. I got it all set up by 1:00. I bought a copy of Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter. I pop on the Xbox, and I get the beautiful Xbox 360 logo. A tear rolled down my face.

I go through and set up my Xbox Live account. Which was a lot easier than most people told me it was. I was online in 5 minutes. I then spent 20 minutes playing with the options in live. I downloaded a demo, watched movie trailers.

I then popped in my game. I was not sure really what to expected. I have played it at Wal mart, best buy and other places. All these places have it on a HDTV. Which of course I do not have. I heard a lot of talk about how if you do not have an HDTV that the games don't look much better than a regular Xbox game.

Whoever started this rumor is in my opinion, full of shit. GR:AW (Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter) looks awesome, beautifully polished. The trees sway in the distant, cars explode in fiery glory.

This is the greatest system I have ever owned, hands down. I never had seen a video game console that offered so much. Xbox live is great. I am sure if it were not Xbox Live, the system would not be as exciting for me.

So I only got one game Friday. Saturday morning I went down to the local game shop, and traded in 7 seasons of Buffy the Vsmpire Slayer, 5 seasons of Angel, and a couple other games. I ended up with $180 worth of credit, put that with the $22 of credit left over from the games I traded in the previous day to get GRAW. Plus $3 from the gift card Ben gave me for Christmas. That was $205 worth of store credit.

With this I purchased, Burnout Revenge, I paid off a pre-order on Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion. I went ahead and bought a wireless Controller, the plug and charge kit for it. And the Head set.

I really wish they would have had the $400 system because I would not have had to buy the Hard Drive for the 360. It is $100 on its own. With the $400 it comes equipped, and you get the wireless controller and the headset. But I had to buy all that stuff separate, but at least I do have 2 controllers.

Now about the wireless controller. I have had a wireless controller in the past. I never cared much for it. Sometimes it would seem responsive, and other times not so much. I was kind of scared about the wireless controllers.

I seen an ad in an Xbox magazine, showing the wireless controller, and the a shadow of a cord attached, and below it says: It only plays like its there.

That is the most true statement I have ever heard spoken. This controller is amazing. I put in Burnout and raced, I did better on this game then I did on the Xbox with a controller that had a cord. I could feel the response time was spot on.

While i was playing GRAW, my buddy Masta Chief (the guy from England, and my best friend on live) came online. He was weeping tears of joy also. He was so excited that I got an Xbox, i told him everything I got. He told me I done well at picking out my games.

But the coolest thing about this conversation, we were playing 2 seperate games at the time. He was playing Burnout on Single Player and i was playing GRAW single player. You can actual talk to your friedns and be doing two totally different things. I could be watching a dvd and him downloading a demo. On the orginal Xbox, you could only talk to your friends that you were gaming with.

And when someone comes online, a nice little display pops up on the bottom of the screen to let you know. And if you want to send a quick hello, all you have to do is hit the Live Button in the middle of the controller. It will take you right to there profile. So you can send them a chat invite.

I am in love with this system.

I spent last night playing a puzzle game called Hexic for like 3 hours. It was a game that came free with the 360 hard drive. It is simple but ver addictive.

Oh and here is my gamer card. It lets people check my Achievements (Achievements are in game rewards. The more of these you get the higher your gamerscore becomes) my gamerscore, my rep and even the last games I played. It is just awesome. This will also be in my top blog post at all time so you can see how well I am doing.

Put your gamertag here too.

So anyway guys I am going to run. I hope you have a good day.

2006-03-17T15:43:00.000-06:00

A walk to Remember

2006-03-17T01:18:00.000-06:00

I stayed up why to late last night, watching another damn chic flick. And yes when it was over, I did cry. I can't help it... Its what I do. That and whatever else it is I do.

All I know is I never realized that the book for this movie was written by Nicholas Sparks. I may just have to pick up and read his novels because the man knows how to tell a good love story that ends up in some god awful tragedy.

Hell maybe I can have him write my Biography.

Yes, I cry at chic flicks, so what? I am sure my friends will make fun of me, who cares. I am sure pro divorce or Lukrative will call me a pussy. Whatever. I am who I am. A sensitive caring person.

Its in my nature to be a care giver. I am a compassionate human being. Who has the capacity to love and care for something other than himself. I may be a little selfish every now and then, but I would hope that my good would outweigh my bad.

So I cry at chic flicks, its what I do.

Good night

Robert

2006-03-15T12:55:00.000-06:00

Let me calrify something from the last post. I am not giving up on women. I am just going to quit spending so much time searching. Its pointless. Every women I date I found flaws. They either never speak, they are set in their own ways, or they have some kind of mental issues. Or maybe its the fact that I am looking for the "old Sarah" and no one can fill that void.

But I am starting to wonder what will be easier. Finding a women or an Xbox 360. Man I have been everwhere looking for one since Monday. I have called every place in town. I get the same answer.. sorry we have none in stock..

Looks like Nashville is not going to happen after all... Ben ran out of money. I thought they were going to blame it on my indecision on going. I am broke, and the only reason I have to go is to find an Xbox...

Oh well, talk to you guys later :(

Xbox 360

2006-03-13T22:04:00.000-06:00

Well folks. I am excited. Sort of...

My mother has given me the go ahead to buy me an Xbox 360, and I have to pay her back. I am so happy... just one problem...

WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY????

I mean I searched all day. I went everywhere, called three different states and no one has any. My next first shot to find on is at BEST BUY on Wednesday morning. They have been getting a shipment in every other Wednesday or Thursday. So guess where my ass is going to be Wednesday and Thursday.

The next opportunity is at target on Saturday, but since I am going to Nashville, that will not be good either. I did hear a rumor that Wal MArt gets them in and puts them out late at night or early morning on Tuesday.

Why do I want and Xbox 360 so bad. Because I miss my gaming buddies. I am sick of playing Halo 2 why they play Call of Duty 2 and Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter. I am not a game snob, I just hate halo when there are much more fun games out there on a better upgraded system.

Also me and chief will be able to kick ass in Splinter Cell 4 co-op. We spent hours playing that game together. Sometimes we would be laughing so hard we would be crying.

So I want my Xbox baby. Finally something to look forward to. A reason to enjoy life, I love the 360, I have played several games on it and I am very impressed.

So my life is very boring, I am excited about a videogames system. The only thing I could possibly want after getting an Xbox is a women. But I am afraid that is never going to happen for me. I think its time to give up looking for a women. None of them seem to fill the empty void that Sarah left. So I think I will just bide my time.

Good Night ALl.

Do I have treat for you

2006-03-12T22:46:00.000-06:00

Lois Griffin: Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.
Peter Griffin: There were only two cakes left, and trust me, you do not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples.
-Family Guy Episode Three

Sigh, We were all depressedwhen we got to the cake shop. You see we were late. Josiah did not tell us early enought that his birthday was on Saturday. So what happened, it seems Peter Griffen bought the only other cake left. So Josiah for his birthday got

An Al Roker Cake with Hershy Kiss Nipples. We knew he was going to be very disappointed. But What could we do, the boy needed a cake for his birthday. So we unveeled the cake to him.

We hoped he would not crawl into a little ball and cry... the reaction we got was almost priceless.

Wow my own Al Roker Cake with hershy kiss Nipples, You guys are the best.

Okay in all honesty, Josiah was asked by Jarrod what he wanted for his birthday, and Joisah told him an Al Roker Cake with Hershy Kiss Nipples. Jarrod spent a few hours looking for a design and could not find one. So Jarrod does what Jarrod always does. Uses his creativity and made the pattern himself. This is a one of a kind cake. And I hope you guys enjoy the humor that went into this.

Jarrod is an awesome Chef. He really needs his own oooking show, and I could be his comic relief.

Have a Good Night Everyone

What I did Wrong

2006-03-11T00:48:00.000-06:00

You guys want to know what i did wrong in my marriage. I will make you a list here.

-I got way to comfortable: I was happy where our lives were at. We had just bought our first house. I loved that house when she was in it. We did have to much debt, but I was looking for a new job at the time.

-I used to write poetry: I told her everyday that i loved her, but it came to a point that i was just saying it, and she thought there was no passion behind it. Because I said it too often. I never brought her flowers anymore. I never left her little "happy notes"

-She never felt Like we Made love: She told me she felt like we always "fucked" She wanted me to be able to kiss her while we made love. I tried so many ways to do this but what can I say, every way was uncomfortable, my gut would get in the way, or being hung like a misqito made it hard to reach in other areas. I did the best I could do, with what i had. I would have changed it if I could have.

-I spent late nights playing video games while she slept. Maybe I should have waited until i knew she was alseep. That way i never missed a waking moment with her.

-I started working late shifts: My job title changed. I was no longer a 9-5er. Not necessarily my fault. But maybe I was too picky when it came to jobs I could have taken, to be home with her. So we lost that closeness we had when I was always home with her.

-I always laughed at her hobbies: Come on did I really have to be cynical everytime she started a new hobby. I used to make fun of her when she would start a new hobby, telling her she would give up on it way to quick.

-Never finding things to do together: I can remember we went and seen the Movie White Noise, because we thought the idea of EVP was neat. We liked alot of supernatural stuff. The movie was terrible, but we wnated to try the stuff for real. I often wonder I had told her to get the recorder and stuff to do this, would we still be together. Would It have been so bad to meet her at the graveyard after I got out of work to see what we could find. Instead I talked her out of it, along with every other thing we did.

-Not having a backbone: Maybe if I had stood up for myslef instead of letting her walk all over me, then she would have had respect for me. I thought of myself as useless, but now I know i was not. I backed down because i loved her.

So I know i made my mistakes. She knows hers. Some of these sound silly, some are serious. But I loved her better than anyone before me or since me. So that is my mistake, for better or worse.

The mistake she used to divorce me, Look at my very first post. All she wanted that day was for me to take her into our bed, rip the clothes off her and make love to her for hours. Instead I was down in the basement playing Xbox online, with people I did not even know. He took all my mistakes before then, to get me to the point where she could not take it anymore.

And i am the one that has paid for it for almost a year. BEcause I wanted to make love to her that day, but I was not really paying attention to the clock on the wall.